Visit from an irate parent at my school...

During my lunch duty today in the cafeteria, I spoke with a boy (at a table full of hooligans), telling him I didn't appreciate that he has smeared glue all over the floor at his seat, as well as filling a plastic Easter egg with paint and throwing it in the boys gym locker room. He has already been to the office for the egg incident and lied about his responibility in it. But I know he put the glue on the floor. During the discussion, three boys at the table were laughing at me for discussing it with him. I told the four boys to remain with me when lunch was over and we would discuss their disrespectful behavior. One big boy, 6'2", said, I'm not staying, and commenced to walk out to the gym, at which point, I touched his arm to try to emphasize that he was to stay. He was called to the office when I took the other boys in, and it resulted in his dad coming to school because the boy said I had "grabbed" him. I was called to the office at the end of the day for a conference with the dad and boy and ***'t principal.
The principal was very supportive to me, and I explained to the father that I had indeed touched his son, but not "grabbed" him. His response was "Nobody touches my son!" Principal said, "Well, you can file a lawsuit if you wish, but Dillon is very disrespetful and it's getting worse!...and we will not tolerate it!"
I'm thankful for my principal's support, but it is disheartening to have such bad behavior....
Just needed to vent!
Patty

Don't give them any ammunition-kids are so disrepectful these days. Next time let him just walk out so then you can suspend him. (((((((Seeker))))))))))) Sorry you had such a bad day.

Thanks, Jax!
You're the best!
This kind of behavior escalates as the end of the school year approaches. I have my students in art class doing fun and exciting things right now, but there are a few bad seeds who just want to cause trouble. It requires that I isolate them by moving them near my desk where I can keep an eye on them at all times. The tempera egg thrower/glue spreader is one of them.
In light of what just happened at Virginia Tech, such kids as the one I had to deal with today with the enabling father, who has talked about his access to guns, does worry me!
Patty

He told you he/his son has access to guns? Was this some kind of a threat?

No, the dad did not mention guns. The dad just talked about his own anger issues, saying he is on medication!
The son has talked in class about his access to guns.
That is common here in WV in my area, though. Just knowing this boy is enabled by the parents, both mom and dad defending his behavior, and the boy lying about it and them bellieving him, him being a loner, concerns me.
Patty

Makes you wonder why a parent would support that kind of behavior.
I remember in high school when I was in gym class, the teacher told everyone in our class to be quiet. We were outside and I was with my friends so I wasn't being as attentive as I could have been-she came up behind me and pulled my hair and yelled at me to pay attention.
Do you think my parents threatened to sue the school? Hell NO! They apologized to the TEACHER for MY behavior. Hmmmm.
I have a hard time with parents letting their kids act like jackasses with teachers in school. It's so stupid. Who do they think they're protecting? Not the kids.

(((((((((( Patty ))))))))))

I'm so sorry you went through that today. What a frightening situation. I think you should make it perfectly clear to your principal that the boy has stated he has ready access to guns. I know it's our culture here, but these are not ordinary times.

I remember a time when I was teaching some of the bigger high school students got out of hand. All the other teachers were in an important meeting with the principal and vice principal. I had no way to get help unless I left the room and I could not leave the rest of the students with the bullies. Finally, two of the well behaved young men noticed my problem. The put me in the middle of them and we faced the bad ones down until help arrived.

Another time, a parent slapped my leg so hard I had a hand print on it for a week because her son was not paying attention in class and was making bad grades.

Do not hesitate to go to your principal if you get a bad vibe. You can't be too careful.

Hugs,

Jan

January,
I did not realize you had been a teacher! What a valuable insight!
With this last incident at Va Tech, and the copycat mentality with unstable students, and unstable parents enabling them, like the one I dealt with today, I know the concern is there and cannot be understated.
I also sensed the ***'t principal's underlying concern in this as he supported me!
If anyone should be a target in this situation, though, I know it would be me for confronting this boy!
I watched a crime program recently on "Teen Thrill Killers," in which the development of the brain was discussed. It was stated that during adolescence, the middle school age particularly, the frontal portion of the brain is not developed enough to control impulses. I see this every day, of course, with these students. It does concern me with the unstable ones, of which there are just a few at my small school.
I could see the seething anger and conflict within this boy as he stood there lying about the manner in which I had touched him, in the presence of his unstable father.
We are scheduled to have a "code red" drill next week, practicing how we as a school would respond in the instance of some sort of attack by a gunman or bomber.
It's all too scary for me to contemplate right now!
Patty

Seeker,

I think you should report "the access to guns" comment to your principal.

I had a student in my class last semester whose behavior made me feel uncomfortable. It started with a disturbance in class, escalated to his running on the top of the chairs, and then the next week he threw a soda cup with ice across the room.

Fortunately, the Dean did speak to him.

You can't be too safe in today's environment.

Hugs,

EJ

Patty, what happened to you is scary. I am so glad that the principal stood with you and is aware of this young man's problems. Please take care........xoxoxo Pat

I agree report the statement about the guns! I would not teach if I had to! kudo's to those that do! you are much more than I will ever hope to be!

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fayerody said:
Patty, what happened to you is scary. I am so glad that the principal stood with you and is aware of this young man's problems. Please take care........xoxoxo Pat

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I also agree about reporting the student mentioning access to guns. That is meant to intimidate.

It's really disgusting how so many parents enable their children's bad behavior (and are usually the ones who created it). There are just some people who should not be parents.

Thanks, all of you, for your kind words of advice and support.
The whole incident at Va Tech has everyone more vigilant and aware of the potential for irrational reactions from students -- and parents. Our school is having a "code red" lockdown practice drill next week! We have never done this before, but it is part of the times now.
The principals and teachers all know these parents of the boy very well, since most everyone has been subjected to calls or conferences when the boy objected to something in class. The boy will grow up to be a totally dysfunctional adult because of the enabling of his parents, who are sick.
Discussion of guns is so common at my school, it is the rare kid who doesn't own one or doesn't go hunting alone or with friends or dad. When I asked my 6th graders the other day what they liked to do after school, severall of the boys said go out and "shoot their guns." I said, "Well, I hope at nothing living," to which they replied they shoot at lots of living stuff...ie, cats, birds, and one boy went on to brag about how many times he shot a cat. There is a pervasive disregard for life and others' pain.
I will speak further to the principal to express my concern over access to guns with this unstable student.
Patty

Oh my - what is wrong with that parent ??? They are not doing their child any favors by enabling him to continue with his rude and unacceptable behavior. Out in the "real" world you can't treat a boss like that - you end up jobless. In what way does this parent think their child will succeed in life ??

I'm a parent of two boys, both of whom have been stinkers in the classroom from time to time. When the teacher contacts me I am able to intervene. Many times though, the teacher/school does not contact me and nothing gets solved. I am often frustrated because I am not contacted early on so that I can work as a team with the teachers to change the I.E.P. and/or behavior plan.

I don't know what options a public school has when dealing with a behavior challenged child whose parents are not actively working to improve the child's behavior. There must be something that can be done. You almost can't blame the child as it is the parent who is causing the problem. What a mess.

<font color="purple">WARNING>>>>This is my opinion and I will state first that I am in disagreement to how this situation was handled from they way you described........

I am sorry, but I don't think you or the principal handled this situation very well..... Before I get any flames.... I agree that the child was indeed wrong and should be held accountable for his actions and properly disciplined..... But i do agree that no school official should be placing any hands on a child for any reason except to prevent the child from being harmed or the child from harming another...... I believe the child should have been instructed to clean up the glue and dicussion of further punishment be done privately... The egg incident had no business being brought up while tending to the glue incident unless that happened at that moment as well, but the way I understood what you wrote it had happened earlier and it should have been discussed privately as well..... As a parent I would agree that if this was my child he would need to be disciplined accordingly for his behavior but I would be that parent in your office irate as well for laying a hand on my child as well.....

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In light of what just happened at Virginia Tech, such kids as the one I had to deal with today with the enabling father, who has talked about his access to guns, does worry me!

<font color="purple"> Sounds like this father has some issues as well..... I do not encourage or support bad behavior and from this comment sounds like this father does...... although I dont agree as I previosuly stated in my first post in this thread to how the situation was handled, I do not support parents being just as threatening or disrespectful either.....

I would treat the fathers comments as a threat and make sure it is on file and make sure that not only that the principal be aware but the superintendent as well..... I hope you do not have to encoutner any more from this child or his father....</font>

I understand and respect your postion, Serenity...
The disrespectful behavior of the other three boys at the table spiraled into the one student (not the glue spreader) leaving the table when I dismissed the cafeteria to the gym.
My touching the boy on the arm to emphasize that he too was instructed to stay, to which he beligerantly replied, "I'm not staying!" in the presence of his peers, was further defiance. He was called to the office to join his friends shortly thereafter, and proceeded to hit the glass wall with his fist and have a fit, then calling his dad saying I had "grabbed" him. And then the conference with the dad and principal.
I am probably the most lenient and easy-going teacher at our school, almost never taking a kid to the principal for discipline. I have a relaxed classroom where students are encouraged to be creative, but some students see this as an opportunity to be destructive and disruptive.
Sorry you cannot empathize with my position.
Patty

It seems to me that the parent is excusing the boy's unacceptable behavior because the teacher touched his arm. The boy was out of control in that he disobeyed a teacher's direct order to stay put. There is a BIG difference between touching a child's arm in order to obtain his/her attention and yanking on a child's arm. We are not talking about abuse - we are talking about a child ignoring a teacher and willfully walking away and then announcing that what he has planned takes priority over what the teacher has planned. And, apparently, the boy's parent is OK with handing that kind of power to a young child.

Not OK.

Teachers have a tough job. Most teachers really care about what they do and they feel passionate about teaching. Teachers don't deserve to be treated this way by over indulged children and clueless parents.

My child would be facing serious concequences for ignoring a teacher.

Thanks, Peanuts,
I want to fill in some background with this particular boy. When he entered my art class a couple of 9 weeks ago, from day 1, he argued with me about every assignment, and sat and did nothing...truly from Day 1. I grade very leniently, and gave him a C for midterm. At that, his mother called me objecting to his grade, telling me "Art is easy!" and how did he get a C! I explained to her that he had done nothing, and that he really deserved an F, but because of my lenient grading policy, I had assigned him a C.
This experience with grading him had nothing to do with the incident in the cafeteria in which he was disrespectful, but it does point to the way his parents enable him.
Perhaps I WAS wrong to try to stop him by touching his arm to prevent him from leaving the cafeteria! My God, I'll never touch another student again. This is the first time this has happened to me in 18 years of teaching, but the boy WAS truly defiant and disrespectful. What is a teacher to do?
Patty

Don't lose hope - not all parents are like that. They don't know it, but they are doing their son a major disservice. I'm not a teacher and so I'm not sure about the heirarchy and/or chain of command, however, I think that as long as the principal is behind you .. you are OK. If I were you I would want to have someone who is in charge or responsible to take over what happens with this child. You should not have to deal directly with him for the remainder of the year. I don't know if that is possible or not.

The school year is almost over. Hopefully you can hang in there until the year is out.

It worries me that you have students who admit to shooting guns at living things like cats. I would take time to have a real discussion about that, even if it has nothing to do with what I teach. But I'm the type who would stand up to a principal or others who would tell me to just teach what I'm meant to teach, because obviously, these kids aren't getting the message elsewhere. I couldn't punish them, I guess, but I could at least try talking, you know?