[girlfromspace]

Hello!
So after a crisis in February which ended up with me in hospital and many assessments with CAMHS (the UK's Child and Adolescent Mental Health Services) Im going to start having appointments with a doctor (my next is on Tuesday, after an initial meet-up/assessment last week.) The week after that I'm going to be meeting with her and a psychiatrist, to decide whether or not I have an illness (possibilities are bi-polar disorder, because our family has a history, or a personality disorder) and whether I should take meds. I'm sixteen and I have had therapy before, but I hated it so much I lied and got discharged. I'm really worried about it because I have a huge fear of them thinking that I'm lying to them, or that I'm faking etc and it makes me so scared.
i hate talking about my feelings because I find them so hard to articulate, and they never settle anyway. One minute I'm on top of the world, the next I'm in the gutter; one day I'm in love, the next I want them to stay away from me as far as possible, and this is in every aspect of my life. So when Iake a statement, it might be different the next time I see them, if that makes sense?
On top of that, I constantly feel guilty if I EVER enjoy anything, because I'm like - I'm supposed to be suicidal, how am I having fun? I can't believe you're lying you're so awful. Etc etc etc.
The other stresses of my life - it's a really important year when it comes to exams at the moment, relationships, friendships, etc are also adding to all of my worries and I have no idea what to do with myself.

[CANDC]

Welcome to Psych Central (PC). Sorry to hear you are suffering from anxiety and generally feeling unsure. It is very encouraging you will be meeting with a doc and psychiatrist. Sounds like they really want to help you. Meds for psych work differently on each person so it is really important to communicate with the psychiatrist about how the meds are working. See if they will give you an email so you can send them a note if things seem strange and tell them so they can assess the situation. It is not uncommon to try a med and see if it is working and try another med to see what helps you be the most stable.

I too have a great fear of talking about feelings that I have worked to cope with. Maybe the meds is the best first course of action. Get stable on meds and then you could consider the possibility of working with a therapist that specializes in the diagnosis the psych doc decides on.

So glad you joined the Psych Central community. Many people who are actively involved in Psych Central find it helps take them out of their own problems to develop empathy for others. And their problems though still there are more manageable. There are lots of compassionate people here that can make the load lighter by sharing and caring. Feel free to participate actively at Psych Central. Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.