[Data]

Hi. I am struggling at the moment.

My 11 year old son has Aspergers and he is usually problematic. In the last week he has started leaving his clothes in strange places like bus stops, and we have had to drive around finding them. We have to scream at him to get him to get up and do his homework.

My wife has undiagnosed chronic mental health problems and dyslexia/dyspraxia and won't get help or change. She cannot cope with our son's condition. She messes up our house continually and is very disorganised. As a result the home is chaotic and dirty and we frequently argue. She is obsessed with our son. Recently we received a routine letter from our school saying that he is being put into a special group to get more help with English and Science, and she spent the whole night worrying about it, got hardly any sleep and was going to write a threatening letter to the school until I made her change it. She is saying that they are infringing his rights and he will never achieve anything and always be dependent on us. Her parents taught her to ignore all her problems though so she never gets help and downplays everything.

I overeat and am obese and I drink too much on an evening. The last two nights have been particularly bad. Its the only way I can cope with the stress, the anger inside. Nothing else works!

I started a new job 5 months ago, I rushed into it a bit as my last job was stressing me out as they were not sympathetic to my mental health problems. The new job is just as bad though. I am a software developer. The company is strange and a lot of people get fired all of a sudden (that is unusual in the UK). My boss runs around constantly on his phone and does not manage me properly at all. I can't get time with him. Meetings with him are a nightmare as he spends most of the time on his phone. He doesn't seem interested in the program I've been developing for the last 5 months and it causes me to worry that all that work will be wasted. However he is obsessed with the spreadsheet which the program is meant to be replacing. The result is that I am often anxious and angry at work, as I don't feel respected.

I have recently started a part-time job teaching computer programming to degree students on a distance learning course. In some ways its my dream job but its only part time and pays very poorly. The course hasn't even started yet but its been a nightmare. There is a technical hitch which means my email doesn't work. Their helpdesk has not been able to fix it and they want to ring me back at a time of their choosing from 9-5pm Monday-Friday. I can't do that as my day job only let me take a second job if it didn't impact on them and they discourage personal phone and internet use (they fired someone for that recently). But as I said its my dream job and now I have 20 students depending on me. I have a very sympathetic manage at the university and she is trying to get them to help me but its hard.

This evening my daughter burst into tears in front off my parents and said that she can't stand the way our house is, that is it making her seriously unhappy and that we shouldn't be parents if we can't look after her properly.

I feel physically sick, I think part of that is due to the alcohol but also the stress. I am taking antidepressants. I've also had lots of therapy but I have reached the limit off what that can achieve.

I am wondering whether to discuss things with my employer in my main job tomorrow. If he could take a little more interest in what I do, and be more organised around me, it would help. But I have a feeling he won't like me mentioning these things. In my last job I took ONE DAY off sick with stress and there was such a fuss about it, I regret ever even mentioning it.

It feels like everything is going wrong and I am am reaching the limit of how much I can take.

[Dog on a Tree]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. Do you or your wife see a mental health worker or a counselor? Because that could help.
It seems like you are under a lot of stress, I hope things do improve for you in both your work and family life.

[Tauren]

Wow, that is a lot to deal with.

I don't know what you're taking, but some antidepressants lose effectiveness if you drink alcohol.

I would strongly advise you to look for a new day job. Start now, because it's a lot easier to get a job if you already have one.

I wish I knew what to say about your wife. She needs professional help, and it sounds like she has no intention of getting it. It sounds like you've already tried to talk her into it - have you?

[hannabee]

You don't mention that money is an issue so perhaps you could hire a housekeeper to help out? Maybe a tutor, for your son, as well? You have a lot to deal with and alcohol isn't helping matters. It is its own form of a depressant! Maybe try to just cut down some? Big hug and good luck.