Do I have a problem?

Okay, so I was thinking about things and ever since I left my last job, I don't really go out in my neighborhood anymore (which is where my job was located) and I've sorta become a hermit and I don't know how to get out of it- it's like anxiety of sorts- but I'm not really anxious- but I sorta feel like it is social anxiety- it's so hard to put myself out there like I used to- before I would smoke weed and then when I quit a year after that I went off my anxiety/depression meds and now I'm fine, but I just sorta can't walk down my own street anymore because it's weird (I think I've made it weird, my perspective is off). I know after one leaves a job they don't usually hang around their former place of employment and so now I guess it's only weird in the fact that everyone in my neighborhood knows me from there and I wish I could just move- but then that's weird too (weird to want to move) because I was friendly with everyone there but I feel they were just being courteous and I'm maybe overthinking things but I feel like it's hard to get out there anymore. I feel like something is happening to me and I'm not the same person I was.- but I think I do have anxiety that's skewing my perspective on things and I'm the one that's made things weird- it's been too many months since I've walked down the main street and some neighbors actually thought I moved. I'm afraid even if I do move after I finish my schooling (going back to get my MA) I'll still have this problem. ... I guess I should try and go back on meds?
Maybe this is just cripalling social anxiety/insecurity? It's only been about a year and a half since I went off my meds- I have good days and bad days- but usually I don't have time to stroll through the neighborhood because I'm always on my way to work or busy trying to find another job, or now I'm also busy preparing to go back to school- writing my personal statement and studying for the GRE-
-and I stupidly called my former boss about working there again before he went on his vacation and he's expecting me to come in/at least call him tomorrow and I don't know what to say because I keep going back and forth over whether or not I can go back to working there, even part time- I can't- I really do have this social anxiety thing, plus my awful stalker like ex still works in the neighborhood and I don't want to run into him- I've had fantasies of beating the **** out of him (granted I've never been in a fight in my life) because of what he did to me.
So here I am, calling my former boss to talk about going back to work there after turning him down several months back when he called and asked if I'd like to come back because they needed people and now I'm going to re-nig on my offer and I feel like I need to have a good reason otherwise I'll look like an asshole which will propel me into being even more reclusive and it's just so stupid - I'm the one with the problem, right? I've made things so weird, people are probably talking about me, wondering what happened to me - sometimes I pass by people I knew from working there, former customers who are friendly, and other ties I pass by others who ignore me and act weird and I wish that didn't affect me so much- you'd think I'd have thicker skin by now. Then my vulnerabiity turns to anger and then I don't want to go outside and it's a vicious cycle.
I looked up NA meetings because I thought of going to them- because these feelings have led me to thinking of back when I used to do drugs(C17H21NO4)- I was such a social butterfly and I don't want to get tempted into that again- I want to get over this on my own - I got over my addictions on my own, so why is this so hard? :-(
I need to come up with an explanation by tomorrow for my former boss, I need to figure out what I'm gonna do, and not keep thinking about sleeping and burying my had under a pillow- I can't forgive myself for all the wasted years- beating myself up for not going back to school sooner- feeling like I've wasted my life . . ..

Hi AngstyLady, in my experience, people don't think of us as much as we think they do. For example, your boss needs someone to fill a position and he thinks you are an option. There are likely others he could hire. It's not personal.

The people you pass in the neighborhood that you know -
they are wrapped up in their own worlds, immediate concerns, making a mental grocery list as they walk to the store, etc.

You don't need to explain yourself to anyone. Call your boss and state that your circumstances have changed due to school preparation and therefore politely decline the rehire.

As for the neighborhood - go out if it suits you and please don't worry so much about what others think. In the chance someone is thinking about you, that's fine. You've done nothing wrong and I think your anxiety has gotten a hold of you a bit.

Ideally, talk with a therapist and perhaps see a pdoc if things worsen. Be well. xoxo

Hi AngstyLady, I want to be sure I understand...you live in and worked in the same neighborhood? Then you stopped working at your job, but still live in the same neighborhood?

If I've understood correctly, it's no wonder you have anxiety going on. For twelve years I worked at a cafe in a neighborhood & became very attached to the neighborhood, to the people there, to the regulars...since I quit my job last spring I haven't been back to the neighborhood. It just feels weird to go back there...I'm not even sure why.

Living and working in the same place...I've done that before, too. It has its advantages for sure, but it's also very strange when you stop the job & no longer 'fit in' or something like that...I'm not sure myself why it creates anxiety, but it does.

yeah, I realize I was having an anxiety attack- I'm fine normally, but yeah, it's just weird now being in my neighborhood- thanks for the input, I'm glad to know it's not just me.
I'm actually going to start back there part time at much higher pay and see how things go- have another part time job lined up too.

Well, that sounds good. I'm glad you came here when you were feeling anxious so we could provide some support.

yeah, I don't know if it's bipolar disorder and I'm cycling through but I'm going to conquer my fear- I still had some regrets about going back, though it will be good for my wallet, and the job is easy- good to do part time in gearing up for the GRE and preparing to go back to school -
on my way home from work last night I ran into a local guy that frequents the store in my neighborhood and we recognized each other and we chatted a bit about what I'd been up to- if my ex comes into the store I'll just tell him to leave and perhaps I'll have him banned from the store and tell my bosses how he attacked me without the details- I need to move forward- not backwards. . . .

I'm going to be above the other BS I have dealt with from some coworkers, let it roll off me because this isn't forever and I always feel so much better with a goal in mind- I feel like I've been aimless for so long- doubting myself and where I'm going in life- that's not good- you've got to think positive and envision yourself achieving your goals to get anywhere in life . . .

I don't know what to make of this, I'm a 27 year old man, I have a good life, amazing friends, healthy social life, a job that I really enjoy, but...... I like feeling sad and I like crying, at night I lie in bed and dream about sad stuff (someone dying or something), then I cry..... This behaviour doesn't happen ever night, but I do it from time to time

Hmm, perhaps you need to feel this sort of thing because you've never felt rue hardship? I bet if you had perhaps you wouldn't like to feel sad. Most people don't . . .