[magical loser]

some stupid crap i did/used to do that makes me realise theres always been something wrong with me. prob some sort of ocd

- i used to have LOADS of stuffed toys and they would be my "class" (just like how other kids play schools with there toys) but i used make them go on "school trips" which meant id put the 1st 1 at my bedroom door then line them up around the room then move a few at a time and move them all the way downstairs into the living room. sometimes id get them all back up and back into my room again but usually my mam would complain about me making a mess and shed either yell at me to get them back upstairs or shed pick up a handful herself and take them. this would make me SO ANGRY because she messed up what i was doing and throw a massive tantrum + be in a huff for hours

- also i used to take the toys to bed but i was worried some were feeling left out and not getting cuddled as much as others so i actually made a rota for them to make sure they all got a turn (this sounds too dumb to be true but it is)

- i had this "mosaic" thing with a board with holes in and loads of coloured things that sat in the holes. i sometimes did make pictures with it but i mostly did something else which was really weird. at school our classes were colours and we would go into the hall for assembly in our classes/colours and sit in diff sections. well i did that with the coloured beads. id sort them all into colours and id arrange them on the board like we did in the school hall. the beads were the kids in each class. really really weird that

- i used to obsessively draw the pets we had. over and over but they were cartoons of them. i used to draw a lot anyway, but mostly the pets (hamsters, budgies + fish)

- also on the subject of drawing... out of all my christams presents i got most exited about a new drawing book and a new packet of felt tip pens (because the ones from last year had ran out) more than the expensive things. this frustrated my parents...

- at school in the arts and crafts corner id make loads of complete nonsense. it made sense to me at the time but then later i was thinking "what the hell" nobody else ever understood them either

- also at school we did about birds and i honestly cant remember the exact task we had but i ended up going through all the nature/wildlife books we had and writing out all the names of any birds i could find. the list eventually got too long to handle and i didnt know what id already done so i started all over again and had a piece of paper for each letter of the alphabet and wrote them down that way so i could be organised them put itnall together into 1 HUGE list. i remember the teacher didnt look very impressed and i was dissappointed (there were probably horrified at how obssessivley i did it)

- at home i remember sorting my books into order of size. the top shelf was smaller so that had all the smallest 1s etc but then on the shelves they had to be perfectly organised going from smallest to biggest (or whatever). i remember been frustrated that it wasnt like that at school and started trying to fix that but the other kids kept messing it up. i know most ocd people have to have them in alphabetical order but size???

- when i was in my early 20s i used to make scedules for each day and write what i was going to do. they started out with half hour intervals but eventually it was 5 min intervals. yes i would plan things down to 5 mins. i would get really annoyed and stressed out if something went wrong and it messed up the scedule. i realised that i was been too tight about it and managed to break that silly habit. ive tried to do those again (but nowhere near as tight) but they never work because i always mess them up. i get frustrated when things dont go to plan and find it hard to adjust to change

- ive always had tinnitus but earliest i can remember i was about 6 or something i dunno... id go to bed and be scared of "the ringing noise" so i would just lie and scream. and scream until 1 of my parents came in and yelled at me. i knew they would do that, + make me feel worse but i still did it every. single. night. i also sometimes got up + went into my parents bedroom while my mam was getting ready for bed + start talking about rubbish. another thing shed get angry about but i still kept doing it

- i was scared of things that glowed in the dark, even if they didnt "glow". sometimes the light from outside or whatever would catch on something white in my room and it would show up in the dark and id be scared of it. id hide under the blankets so i couldnt see but then i couldnt breathe. it was torture

dunno why i wrote all this, mainly to just get it out... also wondering if anyone else did any of these things as a kid (or still do them now) or anything like them...?

[Sesiley]

Yes lol

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G750A using Tapatalk