[DocJohn]

Sometimes we post something or say something here or IRL that makes another person not like us. Maybe it's some action we've taken or some behavior, but the fact is, not everyone can be friends. And that's okay.

But what I've found is that sometimes people like to blame others for their unhappiness, especially people they don't like. Psychologists call this "scapegoating" when it happens in a family situation -- one person is held up as the cause of all of the family's troubles. If you think of Psych Central as the family, then often times it is convenient and easy to hold up one or two members here as the "problem child."

The fact is, though, that every month, we rotate who the community thinks that "problem child" or problem children are. Trust me, I and the other administrators here get PMs every week that complain about this or that member. The important point though is -- it's almost never the same person. Sure, we get multiple complaints sometimes about one member, but we also get multiple complaints about the people who are making the other complaints!

For the record, our job here is to investigate, to the best of our ability, such complaints and take actions when necessary (through the use of warnings, suspensions, and even banning). We encourage the use of the tools we do have available to limit people interacting with people they don't like here -- use the ignore feature. We ask everytime when someone complains about another member they don't like to please, please, use this feature.

Some members take us up on our offer. Others do not. We cannot force someone to ignore someone else, but we're also not here to play universal mediator between two people (or two or more groups of people) who don't like one another. That's something we need people to own for themselves.

Some people mistakenly believe that if we just get rid of this person or that person from the community, we would finally be at peace and all would be well. I think that's a naive view, because I think there's so much diversity in this world, we can't expect every person to be someone who's just like us, or at least someone we don't actively dislike. Others would take their place in due time, and then we'd be asked to remove them as well. And so on, and so on.

I never wanted a community where a handful of people handpicked every other member who was welcomed here. No, I want the exact opposite -- I want everyone to feel welcomed here because we're all grappling with the same category of issues in our lives, issues of mental health and wellness. We do share that common thread, even if all of us don't get along.

So please, stop believing that kicking this member or that out of the community is going to solve the usual and expected problems of interacting socially with a large group of others. It won't. Instead, please find a way to embrace our diversity, to even celebrate it!, and ignore those whom you simply don't get along with.

Thank you for your continued support!
DocJohn

[katheryn]

[bebop]

[Danialla]

Thank you Doc John, and all the other Admins, Mods etc.

I appreciate all the volunteer* time that you all put into this site to make it a welcoming, safe environment for all of us! (* the key word) Thank you!

Take care everyone

Excellent post, Doc, but I can't help see the contradicton of "So please, stop believing that kicking this member or that out of the community is going to solve the usual and expected problems of interacting socially with a large group of others. It won't. Instead, please find a way to embrace our diversity, to even celebrate it!" with the untimely departure of psisci.
What am I missing here?
(not trying to stir anything up, just taking what you said at face value)

[DePressMe]

Just my 2 cents…I see PC as a community of people who are all attempting to deal with difficult issues—just like any other group, we are going to have ups and downs. It is just part of the growing process. If we were all perfectly healthy and perfect communicators, we would not need this group. If I try to be understanding of each person’s individual struggles, it makes me stronger and the group stronger. Opening myself up to caring about other members means I am sometimes going to lose a friend and I am sometimes going to get hurt—it is part of the process. Learning to deal with these conflicts is an important part of my recovery. I am not always going to get the exact support I want or need—no group is perfect and it is important for me to have an entire network of support, not just this group.

I am far from perfect and I don’t always model the best behavior—the important part is that I am trying to get better at it. Someday, I hope my actions meet up with my beliefs.

[Fuzzybear]

John - you and Kimmy and the mods are some of the most patient peeps I know! Thanks for the great post and for all the hard work you do for us!

em

[SeptemberMorn]

How do you continue to embrace the same people that month after month keep this site in an uproar? I've embraced these people and it's come back to bite me in the butt. No thanks! "You fool with me once, shame on you! You fool with me twice shame on ME!"

It's easy enough to put the person(s) on Ignore for yourself, but what do you do when they're manipulating others by PM into doing their dirty work? Not possible.

I do see a lot of double standards here. I agree with HeyJoe. If I had done anything near what these people are doing, I would have been "held to a higher standard"... or would that be a Double Standard!?

[Fuzzybear]

edited for Political Correctness.

You know how I feel tomi.

[lenjan]

You don't necessarily need an ignore button to be able to ignore people. You can always choose not to pay attention to that which bothers you.

[drunksunflower]

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gtrplayer said:
Excellent post, Doc, but I can't help see the contradicton of "So please, stop believing that kicking this member or that out of the community is going to solve the usual and expected problems of interacting socially with a large group of others. It won't. Instead, please find a way to embrace our diversity, to even celebrate it!" with the untimely departure of psisci.
What am I missing here?
(not trying to stir anything up, just taking what you said at face value)

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And the post that sums up the entire situation :>

John and Kimmy both do a wonderful job in their positions, and I am not trying to take that away from them, but there is certainly some irony in this post.

[Danialla]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
candybear said:


You don't necessarily need an ignore button to be able to ignore people. You can always choose not to pay attention to that which bothers you.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">



Just looking at the numbers........As of 5/26 (5:00pm) there are:
17,709 registered users
30,524 users in all the communities and newsletters
35 people online with 20 being members

How can a few people cause so much trouble?? What is so hard about ignore, either the button or just self control???

Please, give it a rest......

We all have issues and things that get to us, but heck in the "real world" it would be much harder to ignore someone.....no buttons

Please people LET IT GO!

[kimmydawn]

psisci's leaving actually occurred past and outside of anything mentioned in this thread. Please refer to DocJohn's post here.



(((((((( everyone )))))))):

I don't have alot of words today, but I do hope what I put here is something we can all reflect on...not apply to another, but reflect on within ourselves individually. I am.

I've heard a really good phrase that I love, "Every relationship needs a hero." Most members here have a relationship with PC, and then relationships inside of PC (good, bad and indifferent).

Are we standing around waiting for someone else to be the hero, or is each one of us being the hero that this community and the relationships we have here need, when it's needed?

Again, this is not meant to be accusatory but to ask ourselves IF we so choose to pick the phrase and apply it to ourselves. If we don't, we can leave the phrase where it's at...and it will just be words on a computer screen.

Actually we can do this with ANYTHING we read...take what we want/need/can apply, leave the rest.

Love &amp; respect,

KD

[Raynaadi]

Thank you DocJohn, thank you Kimmy.

Aaah, I'm tired. So I step away when I need to. I don't like drama, so I step away......with all the people on this board, there will never be perfection......its just not possible.

Just like little kids on a playground, if the kid getting teased doesn't react, the teasing drops off, because its no fun to tease if there's no reaction.

So if we stop reacting to said members giving us hard time times here, it makes sense that they'll leave us alone........

I know for me, I like the easy route.......ok, I bow out now.

[skittles]

</font><blockquote><div id="quote"><font class="small">Quote:</font>
Danialla said:



How can a few people cause so much trouble?? What is so hard about ignore, either the button or just self control???

Please, give it a rest......

We all have issues and things that get to us, but heck in the "real world" it would be much harder to ignore someone.....no buttons

Please people LET IT GO!

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post">


I totally agrre wit this

[Fuzzybear]