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#1
Sep 30, 2015, 01:39 AM
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I will try to articulate the best I can. I am depressed, have been chronically ill for some time. Cancers in remission, depression, degenerative spine disease, heart attacks, strokes, mini strokes, brain seizures. Mostly a separation and a divorce in process. Spouse was removed in crisis not to return. In a nut shell, I am seeking closure. I will probably never get closure from a spouse that "has rights" and will not sign a release form to let me know how they are doing. I have resigned myself to the fact that my cancer is in "remission" that means it will eventually return. I have more or less surrendered myself to that fact.
I am helpless against my physical ailments, against my emotional crisis, against life that is happening around me. The only thing I have control over is to try to put my life in order. I don't want to be a burden to others. I am not talking suicide, I am talking preparing to die when the cancer comes back. I have come to accept the fact that God is in control, He let me live so far. Why? I have no idea for all I have been through. The purpose of my suffering? I have no idea. Am I mad at Him? Never. I just am surrendering myself to Him. I ask that He give me Peace, His Peace to embrace the journey home. Then I will feel that I have prepared spiritually for the journey home when He calls me, in His time.I have surrendered. |
 Anonymous37833, Skeezyks, Tauren
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#2
Sep 30, 2015, 02:27 PM
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Nothing wrong with getting one's affairs in order, but I hope you feel differently after you do. There's always hope. There are new medical treatments every year.
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#3
Oct 09, 2015, 07:13 PM
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Thank you for sharing this moving statement of faith, omegalamed. It reminded me of something I read recently in a book titled: The Practice of Ljong: Cultivating Compassion Through Training the Mind. (Lojong is a Tibetan Buddhist practice.) Anyway basically the point that was being made was that we often have no control over many of the things that happen to us. But we can have complete control over how we respond to them. I believe this is part of the lesson you have offered here. My warmest wishes be with you as you journey on.
__________________
"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last) |
| Anonymous37780
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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