[selfy]

i have a friend whos father needs help. half the time he is a very nice guy and is good to be around. then he changes and the littlest thing sets him off. last time i saw was that friends mom had her phone with her. he thinks she is having an affair.... which she isnt. there is no evidence that she is doing anything wrong. but when he found the phone in her pocket there was a huge argument in which he upset her so much that she decided (again) that she wanted a divorce/seperation the prob is he always manages to make it up... she wants her old hubby back. he gets violent occasionally and is permanently emotionally abusing her and the kids when he is like this. he is very controlling. next time i see him i want to tell him that if he doesnt get help in the next month i will call the police but i dont know if he wil believe me and anyway his wife doesnt want to getanyone else involved.... he is frightened of getting help i think, and is also frightened of losing his family. if any one has any ideas of what to do or what may be wrong,,, please tell me id b very grateful
ty
take care
self

[Direction]

I'm thinking a threat probably won't do much good on this guy...I think getting friends mom help is probably more in line assuming she wants it. It sounds like she wants to get out of this...

If she truly wants out there and this is unsalvageable...there is some prep work that needs to be done...not sure if you saw Sadmommy's post regarding her husband...

[selfy]

no i didnt, i dont know what to do to help her get help,,, what do u mean? she wont leave him coz hes too good at keeping her there,,, idk,,, explain what u mean by help..
take care all
self

[Direction]

Well help could mean a lot of things - however, if she doesn't want it not much you can do. I have an Aunt who has stayed with a beligerant alcoholic for over 50 years.

Anyway...asking her directly if she wants help...getting her to a T to help her work through doormat vs assertive issues and codependency issues (just my personal opinion on what you have written so far).

Not sure if this works but here is the link for the post I was talking about...

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showf...5&o=31&fpart=1

[wanttoheal]

In my opinion, the only thing you can do is offer her support as she needs it. Perhaps you can research some professionals for her to talk to: therapist, crisis people, shelters, etc.

Unfortunately, you cannot save her. But you can be there for her, listen to her and give her numbers and names of people who can help her get out of the situation if she chooses to do so.

Good luck.

[sabby]

Hi selfy,

I know it's hard to sit back and watch those you care about, stuggling with this kind of issue. As long as she is not in danger of any physical violence, then I think the best thing you can do for your friend and her mom is to listen when they need to vent and give them solid information that they can choose to use or not. Once you have given the specific information (ie: therapy, counseling, safe houses etc) it is completely up to them what they decide to do with that information, if anything.

Threatening this man is not going to help the sitaution. If you want to give him an outlet and talk to him about his behaviors and he is open to talking to you, that is one thing. Could it be possible that there is a medical (physical) reason why he has become so difficult now? Maybe he needs to have a looksee from a medical doc to rule out any other kind of illness.

I hope they find a way to get through this difficult time. You are a good friend for wanting to help and be supportive of them.

Hugsss
J

[selfy]

ty u 2 she has had a T and she is fine, she is on Diazepam or something... dunno. i will do that but i dont know how much itll do
ttake care every one
self