Replying ... :( :(

I post sometimes on another board. I have replied to a lot of people's posts over the time I have been there, but many of those people never reply back to me. When I returned after an absence of a couple of months, I only received one reply to my post, although I said quite a bit in my post, and I do not think it was a "whiny" post. It is difficult to see any other explanation for that other than they don't care about me at all. To take it to an extreme, they don't care whether I live or die, like my parents, and that I am a horrible person who should be "punished all my life" (in the words of my stepmother ...) Any thoughts...?

Take care,
Fuzzy

Let's see...it could be that Fuzzy is a horrible person

OR...

1) the day you posted, lots of other posts appeared and it got lost

2) the week you posted was a big news week, and a low online activity week

3) the topic was intense, they weren't sure how to react

4) everyone was PMSing at the same time

5) network problems

6) they may have had a meeting in Tahiti while you were away, they drank out of coconuts, and discussed the whole issue, and just forgot to post it!

Fuzzy...there are 1000 reasons why this happens to us sometimes. It happens here sometimes, and people have hurt feelings. We've seen this recently. Of course, we all feel badly when it happens. The facts usually are that there are soooo many posts here, that sometimes one slips through the cracks. It doesn't mean that person isn't loved and adored by many! It just means that technology isn't emotionally sensitive yet!

What we need is a way to view all posts with, say less that 2 replies, and a view of all posts by new people, and a view of all posts by people who are crying right now, and a view of all posts by our bestest friends, and, well....you get it!

Fuzzy - you have a definate fan club. If the other site missed your post, I'm sure there is some logical, or goofy reason for it!

Emmy

"Language is a Trojan horse by which the universe gets into the mind. ." -- Hugh Kenner

Do you think that at the other board (Do you mean another website?) that those people aren't there as often as people are here? If you mean here, I think you are wrong, people here DO CARE about you !!
It appears that the damage to your heart that your family caused you can cloud things, unfortunately we can't go back and change that but please do realize that the rest of the world, people that meet you most likely aren't like your parents, others do appreciate your being here, you are a dear, sweet, person to many here (including myself) so please try to see that
It is terrible what the power of words (negative statements) can do to a child, they sadly carry over into the adult child's life, but you need to tell yourself those people are wrong, even trying to prove that to them (cause their ignorance) is a waste of your time.
This may sound hokey but develop a daily affirmation, that you are a good person and people do like and care about you, not everyne in this world will like one another but that is natural, on the otherhand there are people that will and do like you, I being one of them and there ar plenty more

(((((((((((((((((((((((( Fuzzy ))))))))))))))))))

Take care and keep your chin up, I am sure it is a pretty one

Love,
DE

In giving advice seek to help, not please your friend
SOLON

((((((((((((((fuzzy))))))))))))))))

You are a very nice person, and no you do not deserve to be punished. I don't belive that I read the post, I try to go to as many boards as I can, it is just that my computer is very old and very slow. I sometimes don't see a post or if it is over one page I cant seem to get the computer to go all the way through .

If I didn't reply to your post, I am sorry, it was more than likely I didn't see it or that it got buried under other posts. I do try to reply, sometimes I can't reply to some posts due to my own emotional or mental state, and am feeling negative or too depressed. But it is not because that I do not care.

Your a special person and I am sorry if I missed your post. Thank you for checking up on me the other day

Take Care,
Kris

I wish hope for us all

If you think you have totally gave up, you haven't, because you are here!

Fuzzy,

If it was a long post sometimes people skip over long posts. I know a lot about that, if you read mine, most of my posts are a novel. I've found that on this site there seems to be much more patience in reading my long posts than on other places on the internet. On many boards I am used to being ignored, but I realize it is just because my posts are long.

I prefer long posts because they tell a better story sometimes, give better details, give a better sense of personality. In other places I seem to be in the minority, but here it seems to be easier. On the other hand that gives me less "excuses" to turn to when a particular post gets unnoticed.

That's only one of many possibilities. If it is a very busy board, maybe they just don't have the time to get to "know" people the way we do here.

Fuzzy no matter what reason or motivation is behind your lack of response elsewhere, we here DO care about you and we care because we DO know you. We care about you as the caring person we have come to know on these boards, not because we feel obligated to reply or anything. We love you here.

I hope on not over the line here, but if anyone should be "punished all their life" it would be your stepmother for saying something like that to ANYONE, let alone some as caring and loveable as you. That's just a horrible thing to say. Don't look for things that seem to give value to her words. They are a bunch of nonsense obviously given without thought. Words like that should have as little weight as a moth, carried by the wind, to be burned and forgotten after flying too close to the sun.

------------------------------------
--http://www.idexter.com

fuzzybear- many many hugs to you. You are such a great person, even though i am fairly new here you always give me good advice and make me think about things in a different way. Im sorry about people not replying to your post i understand that. Just wanted to let you know that i care about you and i appreciate every word of advice or thought you have given to me.
andrea

<font color=red> It's hard being a snowflake in a world of Cheerios!</font color=red>

Thanks Emily, darkeyes, Susan, Kris and Dex. It was another site ... I never posted there very much (I won't say any more ...) You have all helped and dex, you weren't over the line at all. I only wish my former T had been as helpful as you guys are ... We seemed, too often, to bring out the worst in each other

Love,
Fuzzy

Thanks andrea! I appreciate your reply! I am glad that my advice has helped
(We posted at almost the same time ...)

Love,
Fuzzy

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{FuzWuz}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I think the way the board is set up has a lot to do with it, too. The Yahoo groups are a waste for me. Somehow, it seems so dang impersonal. My posts went unanswered on some of their anxiety sites, I don't care how patheric or how up my posts were. If your name isn't recognized or seen over and over again, chances are, you'll be ignored. Some of those groups are also very busy and it seems that people just log on to read a response to one post and that's it.

The way this site is set up makes it for a closer community. It's easy to get to know each other. The problem recently, though, in MHO, is the big influx of new members. It's hard to keep up with all of them. When I'm feeling emotionally strong, I go out of my way to answer posts that haven't received any responses in say, a day. There was a time when I'd welcome every new member, but like I said, there's so many of them nowadays I just can't keep up! And then sometimes I just think that Ozzie is our welcoming committy and she'll get it. LOL She's just too good. See what I mean? It's not because someone isn't liked or too whiney. It's just that poop happens sometimes, ya know?





<font color=blue>"Our doubts are traitors and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt" --Shakespeare</font color=blue>

<font color=purple> (((((((((((((((((((((( hugs my fuzzy wuzzy bear )))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I'm so sorry you had to go through that kind of pain.. I truly am..

<font color=purple>
The light is around me now
I see it so clearly now
I feel him in my heart
Lord God has set me free.
Let me rejoice in you
Let me be free
I love the lord God.
I have been Saved by your Grace and love today...04/11/04

That is definitely a factor. A lot of sites that are set up for people to get information rather than establishing a community are like that, because people have a question they want answered, find the board, post their question, get an answer, and never come back. It's not necessarily good or bad, but if you are looking for support rather than an answer to a single question, then it's not going to serve the need.

I also remembered another phenomenon, although really something for more technical oriented boards, but maybe any board mainly based on "Question and Answer" more than community. Also was more relevant when internet connections were slower. A lot of times someone would post a question and return for an answer. Since the internet was more difficult/slower to access, you would usually just check to see if you had a reply before opening the thread. When you had a reply, you would enter to read it. Many times the "reply" was from some regular there saying "I'm sorry you are having that problem but unfortunately I don't have an answer." So in other words you logged on for nothing. To make it worse, other regulars there with limited time would see that your post had a reply, think it was answered, and skip it completely in favor of standing posts with zero replies hoping to offer their help elsewhere.

For this reason it was definitely frowned upon to reply to a post unless you had an answer to the question. Obviously a different sort of behavior is called for here because while sometimes we are looking for answers, most of the time we just want the support and welcome any and as many replies as we can get. Some people may naturally operate in that "no answer, no post" frame of mind, and I have to say that I was kind of "trained" that way and I try not to do that here only by conscious thought.

------------------------------------
--http://www.idexter.com

and then you have ppl like me who fall off the face of the earth from time to time

I have noticed here that the average post gets 10% replies to views. Just me, analytical...

personally, I like bears. Nothing wrong with bears. Bears are good.

<font color=blue> meditation is a true way to connect to the Source </font color=blue>

Thanks for your replies, Tomi, Trish, Dex and Sky {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Bear Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Love,
Fuzzy

Just wanted to say that in spite of all the logical reasons for not getting replies, when we are depressed the most reasonable and accurate reasons don't always count much because we naturally gravitate away from Occam's Razor and toward the most negative even if it is the most far fetched. That's depression. So it is good to be able to post about it to vent and get as much positive reinforcement as we can.

------------------------------------
--http://www.idexter.com

Fuzzy, you matter very much. What people say to children sometimes is so cruel - they don't care what long term damage it does to the child, what future problems it can bring.

You are such an integral part of this group........always there with a good word. You've always been so sweet and kind to me when I've needed it - thank you.

Please realize how much people care - myself included, even when I'm down in my hole.

xooxoxoxo

Hi Fuzz
I, of course, couldn't let this post go without a reply. I would be seriously hypocritical if I didn't at least say I know how you feel and that I don't believe your feelings are distorted. I wouldn't bother posting to that site anymore. If you feel they don't care about you, that's how you feel and you shouldn't have to 'see their side" so to speak. Excuses are just that, excuses. Low traffic day, lost in the myriad of posts, big news day, doesn't matter. YOU still feel ignored and abandoned. I don't think anyone should ever feel that way and if that site makes you feel that way, you shouldn't open yourself up to it anymore. Just don't go there, they obviously don't deserve you or the support you so freely give.
I speak plainly and honestly at all times and I do apologize if anyone takes offense to that but I prefer honesty to just simply trying to make someone feel better. Honestly Fuzzy, just don't go where you feel you aren't appreciated or valued. It's not worth having your feelings hurt repeatedly.
hugs
tina

"hold me now, I'm six feet from the edge and I'm thinking......maybe six feet ain't so far down"

<marquee> (((((((((((((((((( hugs )))))))))))))))) </marquee>

<font color=purple>

Thanks Dex, Mary Alice, Tina and Trish {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Love,
Fuzzy

((((((((((((Fuzzy))))))))))))))

I wanted you to know how much I care for you.


Heather

Thank you Heather, your support means a lot to me ((((((((((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))))))))

Love,
Fuzzy