[Zbeara]

For the last four years my life has been on a downward spiral. It won't go back up. I am convinced that it actually is NOT my fault. Everyone around me is toxic. I literally feel like I must be lying to myself. How could EVERY single person I know be toxic?! But that seems to be the only reasonable answer! The only time anyone is pleasant is if I ignore every feeling I have and act like someone I'm not. Everyone! My friends! My family! I've cut all of them out except two! And the only two that I've left are STILL unbearable!!!

I couldn't handle cutting everyone out!! I would have NO support! And I'm terrified that I will never find anyone who wants to support me! I never even get angry at people anymore or express one negative ******* emotion, but (god forbid) if I ever do let out an emotion, something WILL go wrong. I can't even explain it. It's like everyone around me is just a broken, manipulative mess!!! I am trying soooo hard to figure out what the hell is wrong in my life, and NOTHING seems to help. I am so lost and depressed.

[CANDC]

Sorry Zbeara. Sounds like you are caught in a dark place where everything and everyone is dark. In one way isolating is a self defense against saying things that turn people off. There are some toxic people but the thing I learned to do was not react to them. If we can shut off the automatic knee jerk reaction, then like the snow globes that when you set down eventually clear up by the snow all settling, our minds get quiet and listening.

There are no easy answers but have you considered a psychiatrist or therapist might help lead you out of this dark forest? Besides helping support each other many people here at PC also have a therapist to talk things out and a psychiatrist or psych doc to diagnose and prescribe meds to help balance things out.

Here are some of the things that help me. I have to watch what I eat because foods I eat can stabilize my moods or exaggerate them. A high protein low carb diet with snacks or meals every 3-4 hours will over time reduce my swings. I also avoid alcohol and recreational drugs because those can really increase depression.

Other lifestyle changes that help me are doing yoga, exercises, mindfulness, calm music, and being active on Psych Central.

The depression chat meets every Thursday night 9pm. Anxiety chat on Friday night 8pm EST.

Some people find the forums give them the compassion and empathy they seek. http://forums.psychcentral.com

Please feel free to private message me or any of the Community Liaisons by left clicking on the name in blue to the left of their post) for questions or just to share.

[Quarter life]

Hi Zbeara.

There are many good listeners here at Psych Central...we're a pretty good bunch.
I'm sure there are many here who have had to deal with similar dilemmas when it comes to navigating their future. I too cut myself off from my family as I felt they were keeping me unwell and were a very negative influence in my life.

I have been an active member of this site for around 2 years. In that time I have received some really constructive feedback and connected with several others with similar challenges to myself. For those that feel alone, or simply wanting to reach out for a chat without judgement......this is the place. I have also found hanging out in the Games Forums to be a welcome distraction... a great way to have some well needed fun, and meet like minded others.

Be kind to yourself Zbeara, and welcome to P.C