[tearsinabottle]

Ok, I said to myself there is no reason to write about this, but then I felt very vulnerable and my heart ached. Because I have experienced trauma from marrying a man from middle east who divorced me in the cruelest way online when he thought he couldnt get his green card. Then another man who also were a sociopath used me for two more years. I wasted 5 years of my life being lied to, abused and used. Non of them cared about me even they said they did. I have learned you need to know someone for a while and know you can trust them. I am not naive and foolish anymore. I know what I want and I have grown tremendously. I would rather be alone than to get my heart broken one more time as it has been enough. I want to love myself which I have never done before. I have boundaries and put myself and my feelings first.

Today a 23 years old man who I know a little bit , he wanted to give me tips on how to find a man. Just like that out of the blue in the food store. He may thought he did a good thing as when I met him the first time I was very radical and said I dont have sex before marriage. He tried get sex from me, but I couldnt be with him as he was too young. I told him this the same day we met and I was able to communicate with him after he had been quite bad/mad in his mouth, about offended he didnt get sex from me, told me I was acting like a 16 year old, that I was not normal, that he could have rather stayed at the party he was at than coming to meet me as at the party there was plenty of girls. I asked/stated to him so it was better there?, "of course" he said with the most arrogant voice I have heard.

Well, I was indeed radical with him, but the fact is that every person have different experiences and these experiences makes you who you are and these experiences CAN change you as a person, whether for good or worse or both. In my case it has changed me for both good and worse. The bad thing is that its difficult to find a man for marriage who agree to wait with sex, the good thing is that its easy to protect your heart from being broken by not having sex before marriage. My heart has been broken several times and two times my heart was broken BIG TIME. The man who married me for a green card shattered my dreams and how I see the world. He changed me as a person. I can never be the same I was before I met him. It will be very difficult to find back to who I was before I met him.

That this 23 year old think he helps me is indeed quite ridiculous. He was an a*ss in his mouth when he didnt get sex and now, one- two years later he stand there and teach me about tips to find a man as he means I need to agree to sex before marriage to find a man. I said yes I was a bit radical but you need to trust someone, nobody wants to get their heart broken.

I am also a christian and try live my life as best as I can after Gods words.

I feel both angry and vulnerable right now. Its like you are made to feel less successful just because he thinks I need to find a man, which I with my intelligent mind know is absurd.

Isnt it quite ridiculous that this person who acted the way he did when we met turns out to stand there, thinking he can teach me, a grown up woman with lots of experiences, about finding a man. I could be his mother!

Or was this abusive in itself? He may have meant good, but when I think back to how he talked to me when not geting sex, I start to wonder if he is not well meaning?

That he think I need guidance made me sit left with a sensitive feeling. I am my own best guide for my heart.

As a doofus, I can explain to you that this doofus probably meant well and didn't realize that he was being presumptuous and patronizing. This could also be a last-ditch attempt to get into your pants. Please don't take it personally and maintain your defensive stance.

[tearsinabottle]

Originally Posted by Lefty the Salesman

As a doofus, I can explain to you that this doofus probably meant well and didn't realize that he was being presumptuous and patronizing. This could also be a last-ditch attempt to get into your pants. Please don't take it personally and maintain your defensive stance.

Hi Lefty the Salesman, thank you for replying. Maybe he did mean well, but as you say he hasnt got a clue. I googled what "doofus" means. Its right he has no clue. He doesnt even know what I believe in. He doesnt know anything really. Lol

He started out with checking if I still was single as it came out he actually had seen me with a foreigner at the food store one day. I have never been with a foreigner at the food store. But I did stand outside the food store half year ago or so and talked with a foreigner who sat inside his car. He is another jerk. But this was half year ago! Lol

So maybe you are right, it could be he tried a last shot at getting in my pants. I had the same thought as he was such a jerk when we met first time. He seems way to interested in getting me to drop "no sex before marriage" that one could wonder if its him that has a problem with this. I actually asked/said to him "is this a problem for you or is it mine?". He said its not his.

I will try not take it personally, but cant help feeling runned over somehow.