I feel myself like I am not meant for this life. My experiences and genes don't allow me to live or have a normal life according to the rules of this world. I might be more appropriately fitting in a monastery's community if I am ready to give up the pleasures of life, but I am not religious. Am I damned for my own experiences and genes? I try not to be, but it seems futile, at least, so far. People keep implying that you can change if you want as if we want to live in misery. I am trying to be optimistic and tell others to be optimistic for change, but most of the time I am suspicious. I know it is not helpful for me or others, but I just wanted to say what I feel, because it bothers me.

[TishaBuv]

One has to wonder about why babies who are born so sick that they can't thrive and they don't live. Why would they be born, only to suffer, and not thrive? I would say they were not meant for this life. Still, there may have been some divine plan for that to have happened.

As for everyone else-- NO! We are all meant for this life. We've been given life and we have to make the most of it.

[Ghost5]

Originally Posted by Nickname

I feel myself like I am not meant for this life. My experiences and genes don't allow me to live or have a normal life according to the rules of this world. I might be more appropriately fitting in a monastery's community if I am ready to give up the pleasures of life, but I am not religious. Am I damned for my own experiences and genes? I try not to be, but it seems futile, at least, so far. People keep implying that you can change if you want as if we want to live in misery. I am trying to be optimistic and tell others to be optimistic for change, but most of the time I am suspicious. I know it is not helpful for me or others, but I just wanted to say what I feel, because it bothers me.

I can really relate to this post. I've lost count of how many times I've been told "you've got to want to change" or "you can change your thinking", really? so I'm sitting miserable in a daily hell because I want to?!

I really feel I just don't have the brain or "tools" for this world, I can't handle people, stress, even daily living, I can barely feed myself properly (eating disorder) and I never have been able to handle living even from a very young age. How do you cope with this all your life in a world that demands so much? It demands jobs, social interaction, money, pressure etc etc.

Anyway, I don't know, I just know that me as a person can't handle "life" and I never have been able to.

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

One has to wonder about why babies who are born so sick that they can't thrive and they don't live. Why would they be born, only to suffer, and not thrive? I would say they were not meant for this life. Still, there may have been some divine plan for that to have happened.

As for everyone else-- NO! We are all meant for this life. We've been given life and we have to make the most of it.

Why then some people are not able to live it?

[Mr.Arch-Vile]

I feel myself like I am not meant for this life. My experiences and genes don't allow me to live or have a normal life according to the rules of this world.

I'm confused by this line, what are you defining as normal? Where are these rules of this world?

You've also set yourself up by bringing in the idea of your genes.

Originally Posted by Mr.Arch-Vile

I'm confused by this line, what are you defining as normal? Where are these rules of this world?

You've also set yourself up by bringing in the idea of your genes.

Well, the rules are implicit. In my view, they can be summarized, generally speaking, by one sentence: if you are not sociable enough then you cannot get the pleasures of life, and no matter how smart you are, or what you have achieved, you will always be marginalized. I know people who have achieved very little, yet they are doing better in life just because they are more sociable.

Regarding the genes, my sensitivity, shyness/social anxiety, and lack of interest (depression), which don't allow me to connect with people, all have genetic origins which are activated by experiences, don't you think?

[venusss]

There is not such thing as "this life" or set of clearly defined rules. You make up the rules.

Well, the rules are implicit. In my view, they can be summarized, generally speaking, by one sentence: if you are not sociable enough then you cannot get the pleasures of life, and no matter how smart you are, or what you have achieved, you will always be marginalized. I know people who have achieved very little, yet they are doing better in life just because they are more sociable.

What do you mean by doing better? Materially? Do you realize the more popular you are, the more visibile and out there you are... the more enemies you have too?
If you are not sociable, why care about what people think? Be in your own circle and be happy there, screw the others.

These are not rules. It's the first time I heard this today.... and certainly, these are not MY rules or anybody's else, not rules of the world. It's sort of philosophy you made up. It's not working for you. Maybe it's time to change it to something more beneficial...

Originally Posted by venusss

There is not such thing as "this life" or set of clearly defined rules. You make up the rules.



What do you mean by doing better? Materially? Do you realize the more popular you are, the more visibile and out there you are... the more enemies you have too?
If you are not sociable, why care about what people think? Be in your own circle and be happy there, screw the others.

These are not rules. It's the first time I heard this today.... and certainly, these are not MY rules or anybody's else, not rules of the world. It's sort of philosophy you made up. It's not working for you. Maybe it's time to change it to something more beneficial...

I think if you related to what I was saying you wouldn't have said a word of what you just said.

[venusss]

Related in what way?

If you live in western world, in a democratic country... chances are you can make the life you want to have. Sure, not everybody will approve, but this is about you, not having unanymous approval of your neighbors and people who are not worth it.

[Tigger22]

Originally Posted by Nickname

Well, the rules are implicit. In my view, they can be summarized, generally speaking, by one sentence: if you are not sociable enough then you cannot get the pleasures of life, and no matter how smart you are, or what you have achieved, you will always be marginalized. I know people who have achieved very little, yet they are doing better in life just because they are more sociable.

Regarding the genes, my sensitivity, shyness/social anxiety, and lack of interest (depression), which don't allow me to connect with people, all have genetic origins which are activated by experiences, don't you think?

I get what you're saying but I think we sometimes define pleasurable and successful by how we view the world to be. Instead of changing ourselves to fit in to situations we don't even want to be in, we need to find out what makes us happy. How you feel matters! Its your life not the worlds. At this point in my life I'm finding out what makes me happy not what standard society shows me on the news or TV. Isn't that what matters? There are alot of people who don't like social situations (I am one of them) I found a job in a plant with limited interaction with other employees and I'm finding the more stress I remove from my life by building it the way that works for me the more tolerance I have for things that used to cause me anxiety. You are meant for this world. The beauty of life is we are all different and were never made to be the same. That's what gives the world flavor

OK, I will take the time to explain, because it is the first time you posted on my threads, and you are apparently not familiar with my other threads, which give a clearer picture of me.

I don't have "my own circle". I don't even have a dot of social connections. I am not looking to be popular. But people like me who struggle to connect with others ended up always marginalized, because people don't judge by your achievements, but by your socializing skills and how you present yourself. People could have achieved very little, but because they are sociable and talk about it confidently, they will be perceived better than others who have achieved more but have less social skills. That is what I meant by others do better in life. Not just professionally, but also relationship-wise. All because they can talk and communicate. All these are hidden preferences. I called them rules, because they seem to me like ones. If you don't suffer from social anxiety like I do, and have all these difficulties to connect with others, it is natural not to see them, because you are in the game.

[Artchic528]

We are each dealt a hand, a lot in life. Its what we chose to do with said hand that counts. Maybe you want to make the best of it? Or just fold and walk away from the table? It's up to you, the holder of said hand. Not the hand you hold.

[Ghost5]

Originally Posted by venusss

Related in what way?

If you live in western world, in a democratic country... chances are you can make the life you want to have. Sure, not everybody will approve, but this is about you, not having unanymous approval of your neighbors and people who are not worth it.

You can't really though. You can't simply "opt out" of society, how do you pay your bills? I struggle with social anxiety even around my own brothers and sisters , I have no wish for friends and people cause me massive amounts of stress and pain. I have been like this since a young child. What do I do? I struggle to build a life that doesn't involve people and I struggle to get money. Society and the modern world just doesn't allow you to live on your own away from the world. I should also say that I fought this for 15 years and managed to get a good education and a professional career all of which I've now lost because my true self just can't cope with the demands and requirements for social interaction that are placed on you.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by Nickname

Why then some people are not able to live it?

Who is not able to live? Those who get sick and die of the physical illness and those who commit suicide.

If you are breathing, you are living life. No matter where you are, captive, in prison, you are still living.

Guess what? You are very social and interactive here on PC. You have made friends and are a part of something. You are just not getting out there and spending time with people face to face where you live.

What is holding you back from face to face interaction?

[venusss]

Again, why do you care so much for approval of others? Even if you get it, it will not change much if you are not happy with yourself... and you have arrive to that on your own.

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

If you are breathing, you are living life

If you are just working/eating/sleeping then it is not living, it is surviving and there is a difference.

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

Guess what? You are very social and interactive here on PC. You have made friends and are a part of something. You are just not getting out there and spending time with people face to face where you live.

What is holding you back from face to face interaction?

Guess what? I don't think so. I can feel that people here don't look positively to my posts for some reason, and wait someone to shatter my responses. I get it that my way of thinking is different, but people are ready to take you down at any opportunity they have. And guess what? If I am not trying to apply a new thing that I have learned recently, which is to endure the rejection and criticism to get over my sensitivity, I would have been gone a long time ago. One "Thanks" for someone who opposed me was enough for me to leave the board, or if someone ignored my posts altogether, especially if I am answering a question from someone. It is still a viable option. Also, talking online is not like talking offline.

Why I don't interact face to face? Good question. I don't know. When I go out, automatically my face is lowered toward the ground, I don't look at people in the eyes, my heart begin to pound hard, with the hope that I see no one I know or any one to talk to me. Every single time I talk with someone I make fool of myself.

Originally Posted by venusss

Again, why do you care so much for approval of others? Even if you get it, it will not change much if you are not happy with yourself... and you have arrive to that on your own.

I don't care what others think, but I care to be able to connect with people. Being happy with oneself won't get you any where. I would live another 33 years alone.

[venusss]

If somebody disagees with you... doesn't mean they are "against you". They just disagree with the particular thing you say.

Originally Posted by venusss

If somebody disagees with you... doesn't mean they are "against you". They just disagree with the particular thing you say.

For me there are acceptable ways to disagree with me. This one another reason why I don't have face-to-face communication, because any gesture, like looking at your hand watch while talking to me, will put me in the fight and flight mode. I cannot help it. I know I need to overcome it, but it is automatic.

[TishaBuv]

Originally Posted by Nickname

If you are just working/eating/sleeping then it is not living, it is surviving and there is a difference.


Guess what? I don't think so. I can feel that people here don't look positively to my posts for some reason, and wait someone to shatter my responses. I get it that my way of thinking is different, but people are ready to take you down at any opportunity they have. And guess what? If I am not trying to apply a new thing that I have learned recently, which is to endure the rejection and criticism to get over my sensitivity, I would have been gone a long time ago. One "Thanks" for someone who opposed me was enough for me to leave the board, or if someone ignored my posts altogether, especially if I am answering a question from someone. It is still a viable option. Also, talking online is not like talking offline.

Why I don't interact face to face? Good question. I don't know. When I go out, automatically my face is lowered toward the ground, I don't look at people in the eyes, my heart begin to pound hard, with the hope that I see no one I know or any one to talk to me. Every single time I talk with someone I make fool of myself.

What you said here is really important--

You are thinking people think badly of you -- that's probably completely untrue.
They are looking to trash you -- again, not true.
This is a support forum.

Talking online vs. offline -- I do like that online gives you time to be more thoughtful about your response, less likely to put foot in mouth, true. But, other than that, no talking is just an exchanging of ideas either way.

Every time you talk with someone you make a fool of yourself -- this is your fear, this is what is holding you back! Do you really say such awful things or are you just super critical of yourself?

OK, that is it. I am out of here. I didn't feel supported for one moment in these forums. People just want to criticize you, and expect you to be perfect. I despise the "Thanks" button and how it is being used, and it is the reason why I am leaving. I know it is my issues, and I will deal with them by myself. But supportive these forums weren't. Not for one moment I felt that way. Sorry, but I hope they are for others.

[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by Nickname

OK, that is it. I am out of here. I didn't feel supported for one moment in these forums. People just want to criticize you, and expect you to be perfect. I despise the "Thanks" button and how it is being used, and it is the reason why I am leaving. I know it is my issues, and I will deal with them by myself. But supportive these forums weren't. Not for one moment I felt that way. Sorry, but I hope they are for others.

Oh dear. I am so sorry you didn't feel support. I do hope you come back some day.

[venusss]

So what would you consider "supportive"? Being validated in your misery and told "you indeed are not meant for *this life*"?

Your believes about "rules of the world" and wanting connection yet unconsciously sabotaging yourself... (you don't likely make fool of yourself... and if you do at times, so what. Everybody has their share of ooops moments).

People have given you some good advice. Most likely it's people who overcame similar kind of anxiety.

Sure we can validate you, but then what? We all hold our hands as we jump out of window because we validated and supported ourselves in believe we aren't meant for this life because rules of the world prefer less sucessful but more social people (which is absolute BS. Bill Gates is more respected than sociable Kim Kardashian. Steve Jobs has more respect then sociable Snooki. There are many many many awkward people who are not social butterflies).

[TishaBuv]

What happened? I thought everybody on this thread was supportive and trying to help. And I also appreciate how supportive you have been for others on other threads. Wishing you the best, Nickname.

[handheart]

Well i know that life can be very hard sometimes and you dont find your place in this world but you heard about Law of Attraction ,try to aply it and think in it and your life will change .But you must have patient ,aply very well its not easy .I think you should never give up on live ,this its the ost pretious gift from god