Disordered? *long*

I've been having issue since I was in middle school and now I wonder whether it's just a regular depression, or something more and deeper rooted. Could anyone please help me define this and perhaps advice me on how to deal with myself?

Middle School: I used to be very emotional and sensitive child, it was very easy to make me cry and my classmates were well aware of it. I was bullied for being sensitive and different. It didn't take long and my looks were also part of the issue, I was made fun of for being "ugly", "weird" etc..
It was really difficult for me to fit in and to find friends and I became very socially insecure and quiet.

I was lucky because I was good at arts, singing, writing and acting and I got a lot of positive attention from my teachers, family and even classmates for my talents, but the negative feedback was still far more common and regular.

I always felt like there is something wrong with me... something I need to change and find in order to be complete and worthy of love and attention. I was very focused on myself and my faults, things I want to change.
I obviously was obsessed with my looks and that lead to binge eating disorder when I was at middle school.

High School: I was really ready to do anything to be popular and to have friends among my peers, but my self confidence was so low I could bearly talk to anyone. It was very hard for me to start to talk to people and I always somehow waited for them to come to me.
After sometime I had found a few people who later became my friends, but never were true friends for me. I had nothing in common with those kids and felt very lonely. I felt like an alien in a world full of strangers. I grew to almost love my uniqueness, I totally fooled myself with ideas of being fundamentally different than anyone else therefore they would never be able to understand me.
I fell deeper and deeper into being very self absorbed and egocentric and I was living in my dreams more than the reality.
I was dreaming about being a famous artist adored by the whole world.
Yet I was still hunted by the idea that I am not good enough and never will be good enough... I tried really hard to become better, but I kept on watching myself failing.

My self hatred transformed into very bad depression, I abused alcohol and pills when I was 16 and my eating disorder changed from binge eating to bulimia.

There was a huge transformation in my life when I was 17, I finally found friends. Real friends... My perception of the world changed completely and I became a better student and a better person.
However my friendships quickly formed among similarly unhappy people and a lot of them turned into abusing of alcohol and light drugs.

Universty: I found my first boyfriend when I was 19, I had very hard time to get to know people and to talk to them, so it took a lot of pressure on my own self to be able to date someone.
That boyfriend however turned out be to paranoid, emotionally manipulative and psychologically abusive sociopath.
We broke and got back together about 8 times...it was a neverending circle and anytime I was alone I would drink myself to sleep because I couldn't bear being alone.
I had my first panic attack when I freshly turned 20 and was in a state of derealization for several months.
I went through one hell of an existential crisis because of it. Derealization brought me through hell of emptiness, hopelessness and nothingness.
My eating disorder changed from bulimia to anorexia.

Now: I still fight the feelings of emptiness, I often feel like this whole world and this whole existence doesn't make any sense and what we do is absolutely hopeless one way or another.
I feel lack of motivation to do anything.
I still feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me, something I need to change and I hate myself for it.
I feel different and I am sure that no one can truly understand me, but i know I am also special, unique and I still dream of reaching great goals.
I am slow, I have low energy levels and dream too much.
I am moody and my energy levels change from slow and unmotivated to energized and motivated.
I am overly sensitive.
I am shy and socially insecure.
I have very low self confidence.

JEEZ some people are jerks. I suggest trying to find a group of people who are unique LIKE you, but not the SAME as you. You probably need someone who can understand how you feel and can relate. This seems to be mainly due to loneliness and rejection, leading to self hate. Keep hangin in there