[confused505]

I worry that I was abused and that I have repressed the thoughts. My father is a transvestite (something I found out when I was growing up). He went out in public within our street showing the neighbor his dress. Sadly, this weird behavior makes me wonder if he abused me and that I repressed the thoughts. I don't feel comfortable when he stands close to me. And he constantly messed with himself (shuffling i think, not masturbating).

Then there is my mother who has strong personality disorders and has been emotionally abusive towards me.

I, myself, now have many issues as a young adult. Haven't formed any type of adult relationship and don't plan to. Find any type of relationship impossible to form including most friendships.

Maybe there was no sexual abuse. I could go on and explain my own thoughts, but they are a little disturbing to talk about and are connected with abuse. Please advise. Thanks

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by confused505

I worry that I was abused and that I have repressed the thoughts. My father is a transvestite (something I found out when I was growing up). He went out in public within our street showing the neighbor his dress. Sadly, this weird behavior makes me wonder if he abused me and that I repressed the thoughts. I don't feel comfortable when he stands close to me. And he constantly messed with himself (shuffling i think, not masturbating).

Then there is my mother who has strong personality disorders and has been emotionally abusive towards me.

I, myself, now have many issues as a young adult. Haven't formed any type of adult relationship and don't plan to. Find any type of relationship impossible to form including most friendships.

Maybe there was no sexual abuse. I could go on and explain my own thoughts, but they are a little disturbing to talk about and are connected with abuse. Please advise. Thanks

first a bit of info... being a cross dresser or transvestite does not make a person a sexual predator who goes around sexually abusing their children or other peoples children. its who they are. like you are who you are does that make you a sexual abuser? no.

repressed sexual abuse... here in my location though people do repress some of their abuse usually there isnt a total repression of abuse. people who have been abused in my location know what has happened they just dont always know what happened was considered abuse.

plus sexual abuse leaves physical signs of abuse. you can contact your treatment providers. they can help you to track down your childhood medical records to find out if you were seen for the physical health issues that comes with being sexually abused.

also I dont know about in germany (your location) but here in america we have what is called mandated reporting. thats when anyone who has contact with a child even suspects there is abuse of any kind they must make a report to child protective services.

there is also other noticible things that would have been documented for example school records here in the USA document things like a childs grades, attitudes, what their personality is like whether they came to school on time or late ... my point if like america your school records would show if there was any signs of abuse because even sexual abuse leaves noticeable signs. your school records will show whether you were referred for treatment, therapy or diagnostic evaluations..

in other words there are many different ways you can find out whether you were abused and dont remember it, or discover what you do remember was or wasnt abuse.

we cant tell you whether you were abused in any way, only your own treatment providers can say that.

my suggestion is contact your treatment providers. they can help you to understand why you are not comfortable with your fathers life and such.

I agree. Being a crossdresser doesn't affect one's ability to parent nor does it necessarily mean the individual is a predator.
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I have a big black hole in my memory. Nothing before 8 or 9 years old. I myself have wondered what in y past may have happened and if it made me predisposed to my illness