Daily Contract with Self

DechanDawa · Jun 21, 2016, 11:17 PM

Odd thing happened today. I have been so busy I "forgot" to write up my contract that would go from noon yesterday to noon today. So when I woke up today I thought, "No contract. I forgot to write it up yesterday! If I feel like having negative thoughts or banging my head against the wall, I can go ahead, negative thought business as usual."

So I tried it. Something rather miraculous happened! After about 5 minutes of thinking up totally pessimistic thoughts...I got bored! Same old, same old. How much my life stinks, what a loser I am, what is the point of going on?, blah, blah, blah.

I now found this kind of dark rumination absolutely unbearable! I jumped up and started doing things. While I made coffee I ran through a gratitude list in my head. I instantly felt better!

This proved something to me. We are naturally programmed to be positive!

Hey guys, did you know that thinking negatively is really hard work? First, you have to blame yourself, then you have to blame others, then you have to blame "the system" of things, and finally you have to darkly ruminate over every little and big thing not right in your life, and on and on. It's exhausting!!! No wonder I have a hard time getting out of bed when my first thoughts upon waking up are negative!

I can honestly say that changing back to my new attitude of gratitude and positive thinking was easier than negative rumination and head banging! Something switched in my brain!

When I started out doing this daily contract thing it was really, really hard to be positive, especially when confronting so many problems. But after doing this contract thing for awhile and sticking with it...I have found that it seems a smidge easier to be positive than to be negative!

We are programmed for survival.

I decided today that I am going to continue with my daily contract. When I am not feeling it I am still going to do it. If I forget to do a contract and for some reason am not able to get to my laptop, I will write out a brief contract, even if it is on the back of an envelope or a napkin!

Today was pretty darn enlightening!

Jun 24, 2016, 01:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ciderguy

The next time that I see my T, I am going to ask him, "What's our goal here? What's you're goal?" I want him to answer before me. It's his job, not mine, to have a goal for every patient. It's my job to know what the contract is and work towards it if I'm in agreement with it.

Contract. Yes, I use the word with my other doctors - why not with my T or myself? I don't think that my daily contract would be the same as yours but it would have a 'positive' goal.

This is one of the most thoughtful and doable things that I've read here. I would like to hear from others.

If you could reduce your goal to one sentence what would you write?

Very well said Cidergy, very well said.

I would say I want to have back the ability to take things back into my hands without abject fear again.

Marylin · Jun 24, 2016, 03:35 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DechanDawa

I am sorry things have not worked for you. When I am really down I find it difficult to do CBT or DBT or any of the cognitive therapies.

I understand what you mean about truth and lies. If I am thinking a positive thought sometimes there is a little voice in my head that chuckles and says, "Oh, doing that "faking it until you make it" thing again?"

However, I am alone, I need to get back to full-time work. I am alone, with no one to depend on emotionally or financially, so until such a time comes that I am like a clock that has just wound down, I must create a life.

Believe me, I do understand where you are coming from.

But I really have no choice in the matter. I must survive and create a life, and no one (and I do mean no one) cares if I spend every day in deep mental despair, or if I strive for a more light-hearted approach.

I reached out this year and was met with some hard truths. Even the closest friends and relatives were a little more than patronizing and skimpy in their support. I find the whole mental health care system a joke.

In the end we are alone and whether or not our suffering has meaning, or our happiness brings pleasure is of very little consequence.

We are, I believe, a part of a whole....a bigger picture than we can see, and we must do our part, until our little part is finished.

I don't think what I am suggesting here is impossible, although it is difficult. And that is what cognitive behavior therapy is based on. It isn't rocket science. It is turning the mind one thought at a time.

Cider guy, you being a very good writer, understand this.

Thank you for this post it helps me a lot,I too am very alone,in this world and it is hard not to feel why live like this when no one cares but it is my life and I am the one has to make it worth living.As you say we have to live our part as part of the whole until our task is finished.

Everyday I am mostly positive unless I am hurt or abused then that sends me into negativity and depression.I do eventually turn it back round and some episodes of negativity are easier to turn into positive thoughts and attitudes than others.

It is well worth the effort though.Start by writing down all the good thoughts about yourself,all your achievements,all your past relationships that have been good and helped you grow,then all your happy memories and all your existing and desired good qualities that help you find your personal power.

This leads to positive outlooks and thinking and you can really build up from there.It just needs a strong initial boost to take you out of the spinning downward spiral and negative with the thoughts into upwards and positive which energizes,reassures,comforts and feels much safer and more comfortable,until you find you are experiencing happiness again.

Self love and understanding and support are very important.You have to be your own best friend.

DechanDawa · Jun 25, 2016, 02:35 AM

You have to be your own best friend. Well said, very well said.

I find that staying in the present also helps. I have been having multiple positive things happen to me since I have been practicing mindfulness in staying in the present.

Well, there was one thing that was possibly going to be a negative event...but as it was not a necessary interaction I simply avoided contact with a toxic individual.

I think we need to avoid unneeded stress.

I might write down my accomplishments for a job, but in general I feel that if I take good care and attempt to be positive...self confidence returns. But I am not 100% certain of that. I have noticed I have been experiencing more positive than negative self-talk lately.

I am excited about my daily contract and have added affirmations, gratitude practice, and spiritual practice.

I am five days from moving and have managed to stay organized and upbeat.

I had a hard year in realizing that the mental health system is full of holes. I probably won't be as reliant on people in the future as I have been in the past because when I turned to them for support when in crisis their support was also full of holes.

Self-reliance is a goal I would like to reach. I want to be very socially connected...but I don't want to be dependent.

Thank you.

Marylin · Jun 25, 2016, 04:58 AM

Yes I share your experience DechanDawa,it helps to stay positive if you live in the present.
And I am staying away from toxic people,bewaring of the holes in mental health care and striving to be self reliant.I think your idea of a contract with yourself to think and live positive is a good idea I hope it works out well with you.

Good luck with the moving to your new home...

Thank you for sharing your experience with us.Marylinx

BlueEyedMama · Jun 25, 2016, 07:20 AM

This has been an interesting thread and I've enjoyed reading it. I too make a contract but it's a weekly one and has worked fairly well for me. I also meditate and have for 20 years having started in college.

As someone who is facing a major move in 5 weeks I wish you luck in your move, may it go smoothly and without a hitch.

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