[Artchic528]

I don't know if this is a mental illness, but I find that hospitals and clinics fascinate me. Not the mental illness kind, but the typical clinics and hospitals where people go when they are very physically ill. I guess I enjoy the attention I get when I go to one. Is that a concern? Does anyone else have this fascination?

[possum220]

Ages ago I used to....... Now not so much....

Can you explain a little bit more about your fascination? Have you been physically ill in the past and were hospitalized and received good care?

I had a family member that was in and out of the hospital a lot for many different illnesses and reasons. I think she found some solace in the hospital despite being ill. She felt cared for and fulfilled with the one-on-one care she did not have on the outside.

Does that sound familiar to you? Or do you feel differently?

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[Artchic528]

Originally Posted by rainyday107

Can you explain a little bit more about your fascination? Have you been physically ill in the past and were hospitalized and received good care?

I had a family member that was in and out of the hospital a lot for many different illnesses and reasons. I think she found some solace in the hospital despite being ill. She felt cared for and fulfilled with the one-on-one care she did not have on the outside.

Does that sound familiar to you? Or do you feel differently?

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I have only been hospitalized once, and that was for cellulitis in my left eyelid. The darn thing had become infected after a small piece of twig fell in my eye whilst putting up a tarp outside. It wasn't pretty, and I'll save you the details, but I couldn't see out of that eye for it was swollen shut.

Anyways, I tend to find the most minor injuries and illnesses to be worthy of seeing a doctor over, a hypochondriac of sorts, but I'm well aware that I'm making mountains out of molehills.

For example, I will have a cold, and feel the strongest need to see a doctor when the only thing they'll provide me with is saying I have a virus, and give the advice to drink plenty of fluids and take it easy. Not really worth the money to see a doctor when they can't do anything more than give advice.

Maybe it's just my family's attitude towards doctors, but we don't really see one unless it's something we can't treat at home. Guess it comes from having parents raised by a generation that saw the Great Depression and had to scrimp and scrounge to get by. Well, that and my father's folks were dairy farmers and there wasn't usually money to spare on things unless they were absolutely necessary.

Anyways, going back to the attention received by doctors and whatnot. My mother isn't the most physically hands on mother in the world. She admits she isn't really all that touchy feely. I don't get nearly the amount of comforting physical touch I would like, like hugs for instance.

I wasn't neglected growing up, by any means, but with having my mental health issues starting to arise as early as 5-6 years old, and her having her own mental health issues (I believe our issues are genetically linked somehow) I find that hugs are few and far between. She also had to spend a good chunk of my childhood tending to my younger brother who was going through chemotherapy for childhood leukemia, so she wasn't as physically available (meaning she spent her time at the hospital with my brother, while Dad was home with us) as I would have liked.

Possible trigger:

Couple that with the time my dad lost his temper and hit me, which I posted about in the abuse section, and I guess that left me a bit, I don't know, hungry for attention.

It'll sound strange, but I also loved looking through my mom's big Mayo Health Clinic book, which is basically a book geared towards explaining a variety of illnesses in the human body. I would spend hours reading it. I also spent time watching documentaries about diseases and unusual medical cases.

At one point, I wanted to study to be a vet tech, because I both love animals and medicine, but I'm so emotional and have the most difficult time reaching out to people, that I'm afraid I wouldn't be very professional at it.

Does my rambling make sense? I'm sorry if it doesn't.

it could be something to do with health anxiety.

i know it's common.. people get the slightest illness, and think the worst

Hi, it makes total sense. It sounds like you have a fascination with medical illnesses in general (your interest in being a vet) and you also didn't receive a lot of nurturing when you needed it, as a child. My mom had a "chin up" attitude and I remember many a day trudging through school with what I now realize was bronchitis. As a result, I'm subject to respiratory infections and have had pneumonia several times.

I have a degree in psychology that I don't use, but mental illness fascinates me and I self-study to keep up with the field, as a hobby. I lent it to a friend who never returned it, but I used to own a PDR nurse's reference book to help understand more about the various meds I take for my MI. I have thought of picking a copy up at the bookstore again, I just keep forgetting, I guess.

I think it is fine to be concerned about your health. In the end, we are in charge of our own care. However, if you mainly feel the need to be nurtured, how about a therapist? You will receive that care and can explore the issue at the same time.

Don't beat yourself up about this. You sound like a nice person that needs some TLC. xo