[losthawk]

So, a few weeks ago i told my friends about what was going on in my head, they said they were here for me and to message when ever i needed. i didnt for a while cause its just my head its fine i can cope, but then the other day the voices got louder. and louder. and louder. they were screaming everthing negative about me they could at me. and it went bad, so i messaged them after alot of beating around the bush i told them what was up, they said there sorry we talked a lil abut it, and then went back to regular conversation.

then yesterday i did something very bad, and told them today about it, and i told them what happened i didnt go into detail i just said that i had done something... one hasnt messaged back and the other tried to help but had no clue and now the conversations arnt the same, i havent tried at all to direct it to my MH at all rcently and they feel off. the conversations arnt the same, we have a group chat and its been more silent than usual (im normally messaging alot of random stuff during day while they were at college but past few das i havent spoken much at all and they called me out on it ive been trying to message more and more)

and i dunno but it just feels that there pulling away, i mean i pushed em... i put to much on them.. i didnt think through i just thought of myself and i know thats one of my biggest flaws...... i just... i feel like hell has descended onto me right now. i just needed to get that out....

i cant go see them in person because i live about 150 miles away from them... and right now, that distance is being felt... I just want to take words back.... i havent felt this alone since before they said i could talk through the bad periods with them... they said they wee worried about me the other day but after last night and earlier today when i was having a rant via text to one of them its been differant, i didnt mean to say what i did i didnt mean to let that detail slip, it just came out, and im regretting it fiercly....

sorry about the spelling...

[Skeezyks]

Hello Losthawk: I'm sorry you had this experience. Personally, I think sometimes people will say they want to help, perhaps they even mean it. But when the reality hits them, they're just not prepared for it. I don't know that there is any fault here. They said they wanted to help... that they are here for you. But, when it came right down to it, they couldn't be. Perhaps they just didn't know how. So instead they've pulled back. Hopefully it is just a temporary adjustment...

I agree with Skeezyks- sometimes people cannot relate and pull back as a defense mechanism or because they don't want to say.

This is where expressing things to our doctor, our therapist and here on PC can be a safe, more receptive place.