[Baileysaway]

This is long but i hope someone can give me advice!
So I had an argument with someone in the bar in which I used to run, we weren't close, I was indifferent to how I thought of them, but now I keep replaying the argument in my mind and fantasise about making this person look like an idiot, particularly publicly. What really bothers me is that I've never felt like this before, and every day I think about these things I feel awful. It's not in my nature to be vindictive or question myself. This person got the wrong end of the stick, they thought I was being purposefully rude and it became a personal attack upon me, I never once made it personal to them and yet they inferred I was racist, sexist, failed in my duty of care to my staff and that I wasn't as clever as I sounded/thought - effectively saying I embellished things. Now I know all these things aren't true, and yet it really bothers me. This person is intelligent, an academic, and yet totally wrong about me. It's made me question myself and I'm usually super confident - I understand I can come across slightly big headed but I've always been aware and admitted this, so never felt it as being an issue, even if it was, wouldn't there be worse things to be? I just want to be able to let go of what happened, I can deal with people not liking me but I never found myself defending my integrity in such a way before, it's really knocked me and I fear it's leading to anxiety, depression and low self esteem as it's been almost six months and I'm frustrated that I keep having intrusive thoughts.

I've asked this question on the ask the psych page but I was wondering if anyone else has ideas? I've tried self help with google, a bunch of techniques and ive never considered myself to have any psychological issues, other than some minor ocd (I eat things in a particular order).

I feel so out of character about the incident, am I this bothered because of the things that were said were so personal?
It's perhaps a good thing to mention that this individual with whom I had an argument does have arguments with other people quite often, and can be considered difficult and judgemental as well as passionate, I can appreciate this and yet I can't let go of my anger, frustration and my need to get revenge, clearly I have such a desire otherwise why would I keep fantasising about having another argument, this time I defend myself better and the outcome is somehow humiliating for them.
I feel like this person has a vendetta against me and I've been drawn in, baited into their trap, knowing full well that they can attack my integrity and intelligence whilst having the academical high ground because they're more educated than me, but clearly they aren't right. Am I worried about the social effects, was my intelligence a threat to their intellectual narcissm? I feel as though I can't put my finger on what really bothered me, I could almost understand it if I thought they were right and I had been living some sort of facade, but they were wrong, I know who I am and what I stand for and it keeps me up at night that I can't let go of the things they said and I just want to stop thinking about it and it popping into my head.
Thanks and sorry it's long.

I use to suffer rumination quite badly. An anti obsessive medication greatly helped as did some CBT. A big help though was changing my behavior. I made an effort not to do those things which encouraged and exaggerated the rumination. Namely seeking out the source and things like researching it, looking it up, etc. Oh I get the urge to do so still and it is tough not to engage in such behavior but CBT has given me skills to help me avoid doing so.

[Skeezyks]

Hello Baileysaway: I'm afraid there's not much I can offer here. I'm pretty-much entirely reclusive at this point in my life. So rumination on interpersonal relations concerns isn't my long suit, as they used to say. Personally, the way I approach rumination is to employ a Buddhist technique referred to as "compassionate abiding." You can look this up on the internet if you have an interest.

I see this is your first post here on PC. So... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! I hope you find the time you spend here to be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[Fuzzybear]