[Onward2wards]

People should do nice things - for themselves or others - because of the positive effect it has on people, and NOT because:

* They were shamed into doing it
* They were guilt-tripped into doing it
* They were bullied into doing it
* They were harassed into doing it
* They were coerced into doing it
* 51% or more of other people are already doing it

If people cannot figure out why doing good things for themselves and others is beneficial, it should be patiently explained to them until they grasp the concept. If people seriously believe the other tactics above are right or desirable, they should have it patiently explained to them until they grasp the concept.

We are social creatures. Unfortunately, some of humanity's social strategies are less than ideal (I wanted to say "...are completely stupid", but I'm trying very hard to Do Nice Things today).

[avlady]

everyone in my high school voted me as the nicest person in my class. if they only knew of my dark side they would have my head, so to speak. ive learned to speak up for years now and they would never know who i am today. i like being nice but got walked all over, which was my own fault i'll admit.

Originally Posted by avlady

everyone in my high school voted me as the nicest person in my class. if they only knew of my dark side they would have my head, so to speak. ive learned to speak up for years now and they would never know who i am today. i like being nice but got walked all over, which was my own fault i'll admit.

I'm pretty nice and get walked on but I stand up for myself which I didn't used to do. If we are nice and get trampled,it's not our fault.....it's the fault of the person who mistook kindness for stupidity and doormat status. I refuse to be stupid or a doormat these days but I still place blame where it's deserved when people try to guilt or walk on me. (((Hugs)))

To the OP, I agree with all you've written. (((Hugs)))

I try my best to be nice at all times but assertiveness - or lack of it - has sometimes backfired it. My bluntness has caused problems too being on ocassion misinterpreted as being mean. In an effort to encourage people to see the reality of or additional sides of a situation my efforts to contructively criticize results in grief. I try my best to be kind about it but my doing so as I've said backfires.

Still, I consider myself nice. I am one of those people who says hello and offers assistance to strangers. I have intervened when I see people being taken advantage of or targeted for being different. I am the type to take the burnt pancake or smallest item.

Worth noting is, I find it far easier to be nice to someone else than myself.

I want to add to the list of self-serving reasons:

being nice only for the expectation of something in return