Why one one day I'm up the next I'm down?

Last week I was very happy, optimistic, social and making plans. Then out of the blue I lost all motivation and my thoughts became morbid. Its like my mindset went from a warm sunny day to a cold rainy night for no reason. This has been going on since I'm 12. I would NEVER commit suicide but I dont feel any enjoyment in life. It frustrates my family because they see me as a generous, talented, charismatic person but I waste my potential doing nothing

Hello Lionhart: I'm sorry you continue to struggle. The reality is, of course, that one can be generous, talented & charismatic & still struggle with mental illness. I wish you well in your struggle to find your way back to the way you were experiencing life last week.

Thanks so much for your nice comment, skeezyks. The only way I can describe my good mood last week was I created a luxurious mansion inside my own thoughts in which I'm a God and forget about the awful things happening outside my mansion or bubble.

It's not a fantasy world and I'm not actually walking around a mansion. It's a 'theme' which represents happiness and all good thoughts spring from this theme. Last week I perfected my theme, until something crept in and my theme just vanished. If anyone knows a psychological term for what I'm doing please let me know cause I have no clue myself.

It sounds healthy. You're building an infra-structure that allows you to function independent of outside forces. I do the exact same thing. In fact, I had a "theme" I was working on last week and for a day or two my mood was lifted. Then, like with your experience, it vanished, and I feel back down into a low energy state. I think this must be because the internalized structure isn't yet strong enough and you need more practice. I don't know the psychological term for it but in Buddhist meditation internal visualization is used a lot. The Buddhists believe that the imagination is one of our strongest tools, and we can control our thoughts, it just takes practice. Let's both try again this week! Best of luck!

Oh, by the way, I don't imagine myself as a goddess but rather an idealized version of myself. However, in Buddhism there are visualization practices where one actually does imagine themselves as a god or goddess. I have done the Green Tara practice and also Chod practice with Machig Labdron, who is a sort of goddess. However, it works better with me if I just imagine a more idealized version of myself such as more confident, outgoing, mentally and physically strong etc.

I also do a Christian practice called The Heart Prayer, and find it very calming.

What you describe is how I used to think. The extreme mood swings. That is what bipolar disorder is all about I was told. Ever since I saw a psychiatrist and am on medication my moods are tolerable.

I wish you well,
nanbutterfly

Hmmmm, bipolar? Also, do you take any medication? This sounds like rapid cycling. A mood stabilizer could level things off.

This might be helpful... A 'short form' journal perhaps? When you are having a good week make an entry "I feel good/happy because..." It could cheer you up to read this during the following time when things are down. This is an action recommended to me by my Cognitive Behavior Therapist.

Perhaps I missed it if it was mentioned already above, but are you aware of the trigger(s) that cause both the ups and downs. Are they fairly constant?