[Ember_42]

Today I was moving things around to make room for Thanksgiving stuff. My father-in-law came out to see what I was doing and quickly started helping. My first reaction was something like "I don't need help, I can this myself, I'm useless if I don't do everything myself".

My second reaction was guilt that I was making a 79 year old man move furniture because I didn't do it quickly or quietly enough. Again, I felt that he was compensating for my failure. So, I kept telling him that he didn't have to do that and not to hurt himself, and blah blah blah like that.

Suddenly it occurred to me how incredibly ungrateful I sounded. He always wants to be helpful because he feels old and useless, and I know this. He was happy to be helpful and involved (although he does think like he can still do more than he's physically able to do) and I was pushing him away and probably reinforcing his feelings of uselessness.

I wish that things weren't so complicated (and that I wasn't so screwed up lol) but I took a step back from the situation and from my feelings of inadequacy so that I could tell him that I appreciated him and was grateful for his help. I actually really do appreciate being part of a family where we all do try to help and take care of each other, especially since it's been kind of a long, difficult road to get here.

Does anybody else have sudden revelations that your own issues are getting in the way like this?

I have revelations like this too. I am trying to be more mindful of how I interact with my family when I'm not feeling well, for instance. That came out of a revelation I had.

Try not to beat yourself up. Your heart was / is in the right place. <3

[avlady]

i would accept his help, he probably needs to feel useful and needs a sence of purpouse.you were right to let him finish, he enjoyed himself too.

[sans]

Hi Ember!
That is terrific that you saw this and stepped back to acknowledge your gratitude for his help! I know that made him feel very happy!
Yay for you for your intuitive wisdom!

[MickeyCheeky]

I can relate to this... I think it's low self-esteem.. it sucks I'm with you on this

[sandworm]

Originally Posted by Ember_42

Suddenly it occurred to me how incredibly ungrateful I sounded. He always wants to be helpful because he feels old and useless, and I know this.

check out a source

Positive Self-Intention: John Hoag.



realize that everything people do, murder, theft, war, brutality, love, compassion,
self-sacrifice for one's own child or a stranger is all emerging
from Positive Self-intention.
what makes one evil and another person good is rationality of choices and
execution of the motivation.

Sandworm