[NotDeadYet]

Sometime I genuenly feel like I'm not suppose to exsist, or that I wasn't the one originally in this body that ended up here one day. Life feels all but this weird simulation that going to just end one day so why bother, Im not even truly a human. Maybe my brain is just trying to find an excuse to why life feels so ****.

[Skeezyks]

Hello NotDeadYet: I'm sorry you feel so... disconnected (?)... from your life. I hope that, in some way, you will be able to find deep peace within & I send hugs with the hope that it might be so...

[*Laurie*]

The feeling that you are not supposed to exist is a terrible feeling, belief, and thought. In my experience, it is a symptom of depression - depression lying to you.

[ablankscript]

I haven't had that exact feeling, but I have wondered why is it that "I" am the one inhabiting this body seeing out the eyes, thinking these thoughts? There are billions of other people and I am not any of them. I have a brother and sister I didn't end up as them. Its all too odd and I think it is a trap to think about because there is no answer. Spirituality tries to answer some of these questions, but not conclusively. I think it is a calling from your soul to set you on a new journey toward seeking Truth, because underneath everything there is an unchanging truth. Now I see just how amazing life is, how many steps it has taken just to get to me and here I am. First there had to even be a universe, a planet viable for life, life to happen, then to get to me it all seems pretty amazing and that maybe there is some sort of design? I do not know, just use these thoughts as motivation toward optimism not pessimism. Hope that I was some help for such a huge question.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm sorry you feel this way..

[CloserToTheMid]

Hmmm. Both of my children expressed similar thoughts. They both attempted suicide. Both survived Both are on meds and seeing someone. Are you considering suicide?

[ScientiaOmnisEst]

God, I know the feeling. I was just puttering around on Quora and found some linked comic about how our feelings of meaninglessness - which a character descrbed as a feeling that "you don't matter to the universe, at all" - is basically just megalomania. It's narcissism, a feeling of meaninglessness is a feeling of sadness that the universe doesn't revolve around you. I left some venom-filled comment arguing that the comic was edgily misinterpreting what meaninglessness is.

Though as I think about it, somewhere in that there's truth: there is a sadness that comes from thinking our actions have no higher effect, or that we might not be part of something greater than ourselves. I still contest that that's the same as "wanting the universe to be focused on you all the time" - saying that, I think, is like reprimanding an abused or neglected child who's trying to get some love and attention for being a selfish attention *****. Ridiculous and exaggerated, too strong a condemnation.

Even if you scale it back, though, try to just focus on the Earth itself, there's still an existential fear of being forgotten, being ineffective, being disconnected. And all that's still terrifying and depressing.

[ablankscript]

Originally Posted by ScientiaOmnisEst

God, I know the feeling. I was just puttering around on Quora and found some linked comic about how our feelings of meaninglessness - which a character descrbed as a feeling that "you don't matter to the universe, at all" - is basically just megalomania. It's narcissism, a feeling of meaninglessness is a feeling of sadness that the universe doesn't revolve around you. I left some venom-filled comment arguing that the comic was edgily misinterpreting what meaninglessness is.

Though as I think about it, somewhere in that there's truth: there is a sadness that comes from thinking our actions have no higher effect, or that we might not be part of something greater than ourselves. I still contest that that's the same as "wanting the universe to be focused on you all the time" - saying that, I think, is like reprimanding an abused or neglected child who's trying to get some love and attention for being a selfish attention *****. Ridiculous and exaggerated, too strong a condemnation.

Even if you scale it back, though, try to just focus on the Earth itself, there's still an existential fear of being forgotten, being ineffective, being disconnected. And all that's still terrifying and depressing.

For me it is more about me wasting my life. There are two basic rules of either nothing in this universe really matters to anything so the universe is just some random event that happened or there is a reason for everything, a grand design, a purpose. For either one a wasted life is still sad. One truth is that there have been people who have greatly impacted the world through any facet be it art, architecture, science etc... On a small scale there are people who change the lives of those around them and maybe even just of a generation of people, or maybe just their family. Really it doesn't matter because as you change people's lives for the better then they too will carry that with them and thus you become like a gardener sowing seeds. To me it is sad to have a meaningless life whether life is "meaningless" or not. I am here, I will not be here someday doesn't change. But I think about all that had to happen just for there to be a "ME" and who I am today and a lot has had to happen it seems like an infinitude of events big and small, its a miracle. Then think about how many more other potential "ME"s there have been and will continue to be that don't even make it into this world or leave barely opening their eyes. Yes I have been given a miraculous gift, I don't want to blow it.

[Lost_in_the_woods]

Ah yes.. The good old "I ♡Hucklebees" debate of the mind I've been there many times. Sorry if that came off sounding flip or dismissive..not my intention...just what I personal association to this feeling. The truth that I have come to is that, there is no scientific evidence that can confirm or deny the order vs chaos theory of any entities existence and the more thought you give it the more you find your mind stuck in an infinite loop of possibilities that unless you have a degree in string theory physics (and still maybe if you do!) ...will eventually drive you to insanity trying to figure it all out! So what to do?.. where to find some comfort or acceptable reasoning to go with?.. that depends entirely upon your own personal inclinations. Many people flock to religions for this reason... others to science...myself.. "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy".
Hope you find your path my friend. Be Well and Keep Writing!