I think I just need to get this out. I was hurt very badly (emotionally) by someone who was very cruel to me a couple months ago. It is a person I no longer speak to and they have made it clear they want nothing to do with me. I have kind of...like I have found ways to feel better. Like I think meditation helps somewhat. I had a time slot where I would allow myself to think about it for 30 min. Though when the time slot came, I wouldn't want to. I talked to people who were kind and reassuring. I even posted about it here.

The thing is it keeps coming up. Like everyday. like it's a part of my internal psyche now or something. When it comes up, I feel very sad, and hurt, and even angry. It was so upsetting. I just don't want to think about it anymore.

I've been kind of slacking on the whole distracting myself thing. I had Christmas this weekend with my family, and it was great. I didn't find myself thinking much about it. Or even before Christmas. Because I had started taking a new med. And I was busy with stuff. Its just been after Christmas. That I've been thinking about it so casually, but it's just so painful.

I would like to get back into the meditation, distraction, and get myself busy again. So I will try that.

I think I just really needed to verbalize or vocalize it someplace. So here I am. if anyone has any suggestions or support, I would appreciate it.

One more thing. I notice that rumination is a pattern for me. It has been since the 6th grade, maybe earlier. Something painful happened then too. I went through a hard time and stopped speaking for like 2 years. Its like I held onto the event (in 6th grade). But it just made me even more sad and unhappy. I have done that all my life since then when really traumatic and upsetting things happen. I realize now that this is unhealthy / unhelpful. But it is very ingrained now. I wonder if I can stop doing this someday. It might take some work. And time. But yeah.

I understand, yes it's a painful loop to be in.

You sound like you are doing the right things, distraction, meditation, keeping positive. One more thing I can suggest which I have found helpful is setting yourself a goal - this is a good time of year to do this. Something that you would like to do in 2017. Maybe learn a language, take up a new sport, something that would get you mixing with new people could be particularly helpful.

Other than that just want to say to you. That person will soon fade from your memory and cease to be important to you. New memories will take their place.