[ADeepSandbox]

-Deleted as I'm feeling a little too uncomfortable having written something so personal.-

[Teanne]

ADeepSandbox ... I understanding what you are saying. For years I had PTSD and a social phobia related to things I went through as a child. I had trouble just doing the most simple things that other people just took for granted daily. When someone would stop and talk to me, I thought, "This person doesn't know me. She thinks I am a normal person." I felt like I didn't have a life. I felt like I just existed.

Once I entered therapy, my therapist quickly nailed my problems down to my childhood experiences and that I thought everyone was still judging me like my mother did. She was a very harsh, neurotic, controlling person. Just because I understood what was causing my disorder did not make it instantly go away. It takes a little homework. The psychologist gave me little assignments to do that helped me grow, and I kept a journal of how things went. My assignments were in tackling various social situations, areas of trust, etc. Every week we would re-evaluate how things went with my assignments. I felt better almost immediately knowing that someone had figured out what was going on and knew how to help me conquer my fears and develop confidence. Soon I was challenging myself to do additional things, and within six months to a year, I had made tremendous progress. I might add that I also was taking some sort of antidepressant/anti-anxiety medication during that time. At first I fought the medication, but it was actually a very good crutch to help me in the beginning.

Here is my best wishes to you in starting treatment and getting your life under control. Please do not be conflicted about therapy in general. Although sometimes a particular therapist is not a good fit for a person, generally they have the training to really help you figure out what is going on. The hardest thing I've ever done was to make that initial call to a therapist, but it was also the smartest thing I ever did. You deserve to live a full, happy life and to feel better about yourself. We all carry around a certain amount of emotional baggage from our childhoods...only some of us carry around a lot more than others. The therapists can help you "re-learn" new ways to think about the things your parents told you in childhood, new ways to think about other people's reactions, and they help you learn that you are an important human being whose opinions, views, and feelings count as much as anyone else's do. You are starting an exciting time in your life. Please know that it will work. I could barely talk in public when I started therapy. Later, I went on to college, went on further for a master's degree, and eventually ended up teaching college level. My very best wishes to you!

[ADeepSandbox]

Thank you, it's very kind of you to answer! I appreciate your thoughtfulness and thoroughness too. I'm not open to doing therapy, for a number of reasons - I just put that in my signature because it's a common question on here.

I do hope to try an SSRI to give me some breathing room. I think it will help.

I should specify, my PTSD is not related to childhood issues; the things I posted here are separate and not anything I've ever shared before with anyone.

I probably should have just kept this post to my private journal where it belongs. On second consideration, I'm not comfortable discussing it.

Thank you again. I'm glad you had good success with your experience!

[Teanne]

Originally Posted by ADeepSandbox

Thank you, it's very kind of you to answer! I appreciate your thoughtfulness and thoroughness too. I'm not open to doing therapy, for a number of reasons - I just put that in my signature because it's a common question on here.

I do hope to try an SSRI to give me some breathing room. I think it will help.

I should specify, my PTSD is not related to childhood issues; the things I posted here are separate and not anything I've ever shared before with anyone.

I probably should have just kept this post to my private journal where it belongs. On second consideration, I'm not comfortable discussing it.

Thank you again. I'm glad you had good success with your experience!

ADeepSandbox ...You are where you are at. I tried everything before I entered therapy too. Yes, the psychologist helped with my social phobia, but I still have Major Depression. I still haven't found the magical medication that makes me feel wonderful. If and when the time seems right, you can always enter therapy later. It's a tough decision deciding to trust someone with all your secrets. For me, at the end of my first appointment, I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my head. Best of luck to you!