Whats wrong with me? Is this depression?

I wanted to include everything and hope its not too long.

I really hope to get better and get back to my old self. I will do anything.

Let me tell you a little bit about myself.

I am a 20 Year old male. I masterbate about once every 2 days. I used to do it nearly everyday when I was younger. I never thought of this as my problem. I am still in the closet about my sexuality and dont htink its a good idea to come out. At the moment thats not an issue for me. I have been ignoring my feelings and I dont let it bother me but maybe its eating away at me from the inside without me realising. I do sometimes get really tense when a conversation about gay is brought up.

I have been feeling this way since I was about 14 but it wasnt so bad and I didnt really worry much. it got worse when I was about 16.

But these symptoms are.

- Cant Concentrate anymore. (I cant read) I feel as though Im staring through the words or looking in the space in front of them and not taking it all in, Like the feeling of tiredness. And I also cannot stare at anything anymore as my eyes feel like they need to look away or focus in front or behind. (I try to stare at something small and I really try so hard but for some reason I need to blink or look away) I usually get frustrated maybe its some kind of dizzyness I dont know.
(I have also got some eye floaters) Reading is so hard. I feel like its a chore (Sun Sensitive eyes)

-Cannot make even minor decisions (Cant make up my mind on what to bring or do or eat). I over anazlyze everything. I say to myself, Maybe Im self concious but so is everyone else. but how do I know if Im more self concious then I should be. I look for things sometimes but the good thing is I relaise this and try to not worry about it...but see how I over analyze lol.

- I am a very light sleeper as well..I tend to oversleepand sleep in the mornings now...but I work a few hours at nite..I usually stay up late alot and spend a bit of time on the computer or playing on the ps2.

- My eyes are really heavy and sore. Feels like my muscles are tense . And I feel this all around the forehead and temples like a tightness. The front top part of my head is really heavy Its like a constant Pressure or tension headache. (Maybe its a depression) I feel that a heated bag can release this pain for a moment but it comes back str8 away.

- I have sorta developed a social phobia. Start to worry what people think. I get a bit nervous. I sometimes get really shaky but its only mainly when doing presentations. Or when Im at the checkout at a supermarket and I drop my card or coins I get really embarrassed and my mood drops and I feel like im faking my smile and need to get out of their. is this normal, I know alot of people get embarrassed but is it to my extent?

-I think I have some anxiety issues. I used to worry thinking that i might have cancer. I fear silly things. I did develop a lump on my breast and the doctor said its probably just hormones.

- I sometimes get this feeling as though everything is a hassle. Im very unmotivated at the moment because I am very tired at work and dont think I can study even if I wanted too. I really want to get a better eduacation but this concentration problem is really bothering me. I sleep in the day alot and work at night for a few hours. I used to study. I noticed I dont even brush my teeth daily. but this is a problem for my while family. but they are motivated in other area's or when we need to be sorta thing. I think we are all suffering form some ind of depression to some extent.

-I suffer from neck pain but it might be due to my posture.

- I think I might have something wrong with my sugar levels.I crave sugar. My grandpa has hypoglocemia and Diabetes

- I have had a blood test thats come back clear for glandular and so it was basically nailed down to depression..

Im worried about a few things. I have only just come off Roaccutane and I heard its a very dangerous drug causing an overdose in Vitamin A and this can affect the Nervous system and liver. Also I am just comming off Zoloft and might go on to Aurorix and see how that goes. I also started taking St Johns wort before going on zoloft and they helped a bit but I still suffer form reading problems. I used to be very bright especially at school till I started losing interest because of this lazy tiredness. I heard flaxseed oil is good so I started taking that and then tried ginkgo and B Vitamins but I still feel like im not really going anywhere. I dont know what to do!!

Im also concerned about taking medication due to side effects and other problems later on. I heard Anti Depressants are addicting and once stopped your body wont produce the neurotransmitters for seritonin and other chemicals. I know that depression runs in my family and my dad feels the same way as me but he has alot of issues to worry about financially so he is very anxious and I beleive he is feeling that way because of those problems. I am leanign towards that Im feelign all these symptoms due too a chemical imbalance. Im not sure if there is any other physical cause because I had a blood test and it came back clear but can that prove everything? I used to think that I have Hypoglocemia ir diabetes since my grandad has them. Then I thought I might have thyroid or a hormonal imbalance

I just cant wait to get better. My main symptom I want to get better is concentration. I cant wait to be able to read and I want to start reading all the harry potter books and go back to study. And I want to get my interest back in most things and get this constant tightness headache to go away .

Im thinking of seeing a therapist but there is always money issues.


THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR READING THIS!!

I APPRECIATE IT!

It could be. All I can tell you is, if it bothers you, see a professional who can determine what it is and how best to treat it. Not being able to concentrate could also be ADD, and maybe a med for ADD would help more with that symptom. When my depression was at its worst, I could not concentrate on reading either, and that was really hard. Not only do I love to read, but I was a full-time student. I used SJW, and it helped with the depression, but didn't do anything for my concentration. I think that just took time. My sister (who is a psychiatrist) suggested trying Strattera for that, but I never did. There can often be a connection between diabetes, hypoglycemia, carbohydrate craving, and depression too I think, and also with circadian rhythm disorders. Your carbohydrate craving and sleeping during the day, being awake at night, suggests the possibility of a circadian rhythm disorder. Light therapy helps with that. It also runs in families.

We are able to detect chemical differences where there is depression, and medications that correct those imbalances do help, but it is impossible to say whether the chemical stuff is a cause or an effect of depression. Everything has more than just one factor involved, and the biological part is not the complete story. What is going on in your life contributes, as well as social support (or lack thereof). There are also psychological factors such as your thought patterns and how you deal with stress. For this reason, medications don't cure depression. I really feel that therapy is also necessary. You can start with strategies for better concentration if that is your main concern.

Anti-depressants are not considered to be addictive, although most of them do have withdrawal symptoms when you stop taking them, and your brain has to re-adapt to produce appropriate amounts of the neurotransmitters affected.

I wish you luck, and hope that some of this helps you!

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