[Loner_girl18]

I'm usually a very passive, go with the flow kind of person, and I genuinely get along well with all types of people. The same cannot be said however, for my dad. For years now I've had these thoughts about him, scenarios that would play out in my mind when he made me especially angry.

Possible trigger:

I would imagine stabbing him over and over, and how good it would feel to finally overpower him. Or I would plan out ways that I could kill him without being caught, like poisoning him, or unique ways of disposing of the murder weapon. Most of the time though, the thoughts were gruesome. I would picture myself cutting him just enough so that he would bleed out but not die, so that I could drag out the experience.

I've never liked these thoughts and I always hated myself for having them, especially once my anger disappeared. But the thoughts started to get worse, and not just about my dad.

Possible trigger:

I would see myself strangling my brother, I even put my hands around his throat sometimes. I don't actually ever do anything, but it's like there's always an itch to do it, and when I almost do, it seems like it would feel good, like I'd get a rush/pleasure from it

What is wrong with me? I don't want to hurt my brother or my dad, but the feelings are really strong sometimes, and I'm sometimes scared that I could do it. I don't know what's wrong, and I'm not sure what this would even qualify under...help.

[possum220]

Welcome to PC.

I looked at a couple of posts. We can't diagnose you on this site. Please seek professional treatment so you can be heard and helped in real life.

[Unrigged64072835]

You need to see a therapist to work on these.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm sorry you feel like this. I can relate a bit. I don't have this kind of violent thoughts, but sometimes I think of how good it would feel to have power over them, and I imagine myself angry/violent towards them. It doesn't happen very often, it's quite rare actually, it mostly happens when I'm angry and frustrated at them. But still, I feel guilty when I think of it.. so please, look for a therapist if you can and share your thoughts - it could help.

[NotDeadYet]

I quite understand stand this, I often have thoughts of hurting or beating up family members. I don't want to hurt them but it can get very overwhelming at times. Of course this also extends to strangers on the rare occasion. I think the one thing to know about these thoughts is that they don't define you as an individual. Therapy would help to ease them.

[-jimi-]

When I was young I had violent thoughts as well. But I didn't judge them because for some reason, in my younger days I did not self judge, all that stuff came later for me. The people in my thoughts actually all wronged me in some way. They pushed buttons and treated on sore toes. So I actually understand why I thought what I did. These days, when I feel like that, my thoughts are less violent, I'm not the perpetrator in my thoughts, just sort of semi involuntarily daydreaming about nasty things happening to them...

Maybe I'm not a warm and cuddly person, but then it just is like that. I'm not sure if the people you have thoughts about wronged you, but if they did, you might need to talk to someone who is compassionate and can validate your feelings. All victims don't react softly and humble with tears. Some have other types of reactions. They should not be judged but understood. IMO at least.

Get yourself into the mental healthcare system.

My own suggestion is to start with your family doctor. They will get the ball rolling in the fashion appropriate to your needs.

In the meantime, PLEASE AVOID trying to diagnose yourself.