I live for the outdoors. Outdoors is where my spirit lives. Yet, despite the improvement in weather (we are hovering above freezing) I just can't seem to drag myself out there. Yesterday was good. I had intent; I had a few errands to run that got me outside walking. Today however, I just couldn't get up and go outside. I want the out of doors, I need the out of doors. Yet, without a purpose to get out there these days I just can't seem to be able to. It is really quite frustrating. Mind you, the reality of 'outdoors' for me is blocks of apartments, busy streets, and retail businesses everywhere I look. I still sit here craving the wind on my cheeks. But what I envision isn't this....

I was supposed to go outside today for my CBT assignment and practise some mindfullness. Ugh. I sat inside and tried to imagine it instead.

[*Laurie*]

When will spring come for you?

[avlady]

yes, think of spring, we are almost there. i was born to be in a city, but the city didn't seem friendly to me. we moved to a small village with a big yard, my husband grows lots of stuff in our garden. i wouldn't give up either the ability to have a fire pit in the yard.

Sigh, Spring is still months away. we've had a bit of a break this week in that the temp hovers around freezing - utter warmth in comparison to what we were having. My doctor says find a park with some green space. I want to kick him in the shins. When I say outdoors I mean the remote wilderness - mountains to climb, forests to hike, and lakes/ocean to paddle. I HATE the city.

[*Laurie*]

Yes, I understand about wanting to find the REAL outdoors. A park is okay, but not at all the same.

I give you credit for living with such a long winter. We're having more rain this week, but the temperature is mellow and some trees and flowers are already blooming, I've noticed with relief.

[Unrigged64072835]

I'd rather be out in the mountains too, or at least away from the city. But we have bills to pay and a kid to get through college, so here we stay.

I once lived remotely - I didn't mind the 90min commute. But sickness changes everything, doesn't it.

Yes, I'm a real downer - how many days until camping season?

But seriously, today's task in my CBT book was to practise mindfullness outdoors for 2 minutes. Not a shred of evidence of nature could be seen, heard, or felt. All I heard were emergency vehicles, a garbage truck, a delivery van, and the swooshing of cars as they splashed through puddles on the street.

I came home and instead closed my eyes and thought on one of my favourite places.

[*Laurie*]

Originally Posted by justafriend306

Yes, I'm a real downer - how many days until camping season?

But seriously, today's task in my CBT book was to practise mindfullness outdoors for 2 minutes. Not a shred of evidence of nature could be seen, heard, or felt. All I heard were emergency vehicles, a garbage truck, a delivery van, and the swooshing of cars as they splashed through puddles on the street.

I came home and instead closed my eyes and thought on one of my favourite places.

That's really hard. You don't sound like a downer, you sound like you love nature and you're tired of winter.

[eskielover]

I enjoy the winter walking through my woods. Had to get out the last few weeks because my neighbors horses ended up in my front field & had to find out what fencing was down they came through. I really enjoy my woods best in the snow & looking at all the critter tracks. I am so not a city person though I was born & raised in Los Angeles & lived there 54 years of my life....I hated it from as early as I can remember. The freedom of farm & country life even with all the work forces one outside.

I can understand your struggle though there are cold days when I just hang around indoors.

Do you have any place where you can get out & snow shoe or x-country ski. I loved doing that my winter vacation trips to Jackson Hole Wyo & to the Banff area in Canada....I love the outdoors too but it takes winter recreation to get me outside better in the winter

[mc2ed]

I too find Nature to be what saves me....I am thankful that my life has been spent where nature is readily available and more often where I am immersed in it.....I have lived in the city too...not so much...but searched for spots that had green....pockets hidden away from crowds...hiding in plain view....

Do you have sunny windows available....I have planted flowering plants that will bloom indoors....I must admit....to the need for green....I live where I can plant a certain type of grass that will bloom in the winter...so I always have green.....and I have 65 containers large and huge....filled with flowers that will bloom through the winter here....

Telling you this....that even though there is lovely out my door...I often do not open that door....or peek out any window...I think the winter does something to us....it is a different energy than other times of the year....it is more inner....and women for the most part have that instinct of nesting....curling inward....our energy spirals that way....

Sometimes I fight that part of me...that won't get up and open the door....I wonder what the hell.....it only....for me....makes it more difficult....so I curl up in my chair...and wrap myself in quilts...they are backed with flannel...so that tactile touch is only of softness...and warmth......My home is kept dim inside...it soothes my brain...it is a cave....in the woods of my home...I think I am a wilding one....waiting...waiting....for the moment.....I am willing to move...and then I will...

I do spent those moments chanting prayers....sometimes softly......sometimes silently....in that....at least.....I am offering......aliveness......
So there may be a purpose to my Be-ing.....

I send you breath...I wish you hearts ease..

...I wish you hearts ease

Thankyou.

My apartment faces east so, those months the sun comes up early, I have a lot of sun. But we are months away from that. Your idea of plants is a good one. I need to find the money to invest in several.

As background, moving back to my remote paradise is not an option. I am tied to where I am due to the combination of family support, mental healthcare, and assistance. None of these things i would have back 'home'. My grief over losing my place in nature (which is spiritual for me) has at times been so strong I've been hospitalized by the Depression over it. the [i]mourning[/] and depression is worst over summer months when I most miss the out of doors. Not being able to hike, climb, kayak, explore, is agonizing.