[seesaw]

If you've been in the Work and Careers forum, you've read my recent story here: https://forums.psychcentral.com/work...e-lawsuit.html

Skip the italicized if you already know the story:

The short version is that my new department head started, I had a meeting with her, something about her triggered me into a panic attack, so I informed HR I needed to leave, told the Executive Assistant I had to miss the meeting with the department head and CEO, then went home. The next day I had a phone call with HR to discuss what had caused my panic attack and ask for some reasonable accommodations under the ADA to address this new issue. I vented about a lot of things to the HR director but at the end said, I don't know if I'm just venting or want to file a grievance, but I need some solution so that I don't have to keep have my disability triggered by the situation at work. The HR director said some unhelpful things which started to trigger me, so I simply said, okay, I need to end this phone call now. It's not getting us anywhere and not being beneficial. I appreciate your time. Have a good weekend.

Then I continued to work from home until they cut all my email and remote access to the server. I contacted the HR director and she said she wasn't sure if I had intended to quit or not...blah blah blah, after a lot of emailing, got everything fixed and reinstated.

Then the CEO began making demands for a Monday morning meeting with all parties, as if I were a problem employee (I am an exemplary employee, I clock 50-60 hours a week on average WITH my disability). So I respond that I'm happy to schedule a meeting when my disability advocate is available but I wont' be able to do that at 11am on Monday. Then we get into an argument about that. The CEO informs me that his general counsel has informed him I don't have a right to have an advocate there (wrong), and that he has never asked me to disclose my disability (which a) I don't legally have to and b) doesn't matter because I disclosed voluntarily 14 months ago when I started working there and I have the paperwork and documentation to prove that they have it on file). I informed him that I DID in fact disclose on my first day of work so they were aware of the nature of my disability from day 1. I have C-PTSD, Major Depressive Disorder, and Panic Disorder along with PMDD.

My last email with him was basically a plea (although not like begging, more like appealing to him being a compassionate human) to allow me to have a disability advocate there, and I also sent him a document outlining my request for reasonable accommodation, which outlined my disability and what accommodations I was requesting (things that are not a big deal, things like, if I need to excuse myself from a meeting due to symptoms, I am allowed to excuse myself - which I already do anyways because I have a service dog that alerts me). I also pushed him a little by outlining a vague description of my trauma which was something like "Ms. Seesaw's PTSD stems from experiencing extreme prolonged violence and being put in life threatening situations that could be described as hostage or captive situations." He changed his tune entirely after that. I think one, because he realized he was screwing up, that I had disclosed, and that they were in deep doo doo, and 2) maybe his humanity kicked in and he realized he was terrorizing a woman with PTSD.

Anyways, sorry to go through all that again, but here's my point. I honestly don't know why these "normies" mess with us. Do they know what we've been through? What we've experienced and survived?

Besides the everyday violence in my home. Besides living with a brother who threatened to kill me daily. Besides the physical violence and body shaming I received from my father on a daily basis. Besides my mother's BPD and unpredictable mood swings...besides all of that...when my brain finally broke and couldn't hold it together any longer, I started self harming...

Possible trigger:

I used razors to slice cuts all over my arms and my legs. I sliced along my cheekbones. I wanted my pain to be visible to the world. This wasn't secretive SH, this was out there for the world to see. I would cut two slices near each other on my cheek then take tweezers and pull all the skin and tissue out between them to cause a gaping ridge in my cheek (yes, I have a scar). I did the same thing on other parts of my body. When that got boring, I burned myself with cigarette lighters.

My point is, if I can do that to myself, what do you think I could do to you? Not that I would ever harm anyone. I know right from wrong, I don't want to cause anyone pain. But like, why would you screw with me?

Then on the other hand, why would you get into a battle of wills with me when I can stand in front of you

Possible trigger:

with a knife and without blinking slice a nice deep cut in my cheek

without even blinking?

If I survived a hostage situation, if I survived my brother, my father, my mother, and my OWN self harm, what makes you think that you will win a battle of wills with me? What makes you think you can break me, when I came out on the other end of all that?

And just on a random note: this is a man who is a veteran, and has won "Veterans of Influence" awards, except his service was when he accepted a job as the manager for the President's Marine Corps Band, which came with an officer title. He never went through boot camp or served in any combat or did anything that was, IMO, really serving. To me he seems like a big fraud.

I'm just so amused lately when someone tries to challenge me with a test of will or emotional strength because, honey, you ain't gonna win. Not with what I've survived.

Anyone feel me here?

Seesaw

[Gus1234U]

I hear you , Seesaw~! not only do i hate it when 'norms' try to bully me, but i REALLY hate it when MH Pros do it~!! i recently had a nasty appointment with a new pdoc who must have wanted to see how badly he could make me feel about the traumas and stressors in my life recently. i posted this in the PTSD forum, but i think it applies here, as well.... :

he not only kept me late to keep at me, but he cut back on my anti-anxiety meds to "Force" me to come in every 3 months,,, he's an idiot if he thinks i don't know how to manage a Pdoc.

"Under the Provisions of the Federal Rehabilitation Act of 1972, and the Federal Americans with Disabilities Act of 1990, i am requesting the following behaviors by my psychiatric physicians be included in my Treatment Plan:

-I will not be asked to describe or recount recent traumatizing events, only to assign my stress levels a rating;
-I will not be offered nor asked to take any psychotropic medication other than the one i am on now;
-If the physician wishes to assess me for suicidal intentions, it must be done outright, and with my expressed opinion being predominant;
-My diagnosis will not be changed without informing me of it, and the reasons for it, and if i disagree, my reasons shall be documented in my file;
-I will not be required to vist the Mental Health Clinic for medication reviews or refills more often than is required by law (every 6 months).

Any other provisions in my Treatment Plan must be reviewed and, if warranted, amended or opposed by me in writing."

too many people do not know their rights, or are not able to stand up and assert them,,, Good on YOU~!!

"Normies" as they are commonly called are what I regard as the weakest of humanity. People who haven't had to experience any significant hardship in their life, yet act like they're better than us because they had mommy and daddy give them everything they ever wanted and helped them get into college or start a career or business the easy way.

People who have been through hell like us should be running things; not the normies. The weak should get behind and serve the strong and not the other way around.

I hope things start to go better for you soon!

[seesaw]

Darkness, you crack me up. I don't completely agree, but there is a part of me that's like, yup. Get behind those of us that have experienced real life and not been sheltered and have no clue how to handle crisis. In the Obie apocalypse, we're going to be the ones who survive. Not the normies.