[never. happy]

I'm nearing the end of my engineering bachelor's degree ( about a month left) and I'm terrified. I've noticed over the years that I perform comparatively(not that I'm super smart with their absence or anything) better when less people r around me. If I know that there's smart people around, forget about it. I've been wondering if I want to do something else education wise( although I did take this course with a lot of love for it). I know that i can't solve this problem if i change my diploma degree, and that scares me. Wherever i go, this problem will haunt me. I won't be able to find work, and a whole lot of other stuff, obviously. And all my other peers have done so much or have accomplished something or the other, and then there's me. Anyone have a similar issue or something to do that can help manage this? I looked up to an ngo that rescues snakes, so that i can hopefully learn to control this( whatever "this" is), and mostly because i like snakes but i stopped a long time ago. Lately, I find myself constantly trying to hurt my left hemisphere hoping I'd get smarter "accidentally". That's how scared i am.

[Skeezyks]

Hmm-m-m-m... honestly I don't quite know what to say about this. About the only things I can think of to say are to try to find work you love, or at least enjoy... as well as something that fits with the type of person you are... whatever that type of work may be. I don't know how old you are. But I presume you're still pretty young. That being the case, you have a lot of years of work ahead of you. And being stuck doing work you dislike, or are not suited for, is hell... take it from me.

The other thing I guess I can say is that comparing yourself to others is a real trap. You really have to try to find a way to forget about what other people are doing, what they are or are not accomplishing, focus on yourself & try (to the extent you can) to arrange the circumstances of your day-to-day life in such a way that you're satisfied with it. If you can do that, it really just doesn't make any difference what others are doing.

There is a book I could recommend. Since you're somewhere in Asia, I don't know if this is something you could get. But it is: Let Your Life Speak- Listening for the Voice of Vocation by Parker J Palmer, Jossey-Bass, 2000... highly recommended!

P.S. I don't know what you're doing to your head. But this can be really dangerous. (I have some personal experience with it.) Please stop.