[it'sgrowtime]

the following scenario took place a couple summers ago, yet it still pops into my head. I don't understand what it means. Maybe someone can help?

I had cancer, and went through treatment. I was mostly feeling healthy and normal again. I was having lunch with my mom, and she started talking about how afraid of cancer she had always been. She said it was the scariest thing to her...so scary that she had refused to say the word "cancer" her whole life. She said that she had recently had a routine mammogram, and there had been some minor concern, which had turned out to be just fibrous stuff. I realized she had been quite scared with her ordeal, so I figured that's why her tone was so sheepish. So she goes on to say that in the pre-existence (her religious belief), I volunteered to take on her cancer so that she wouldn't have to go through it.

I was stunned by her belief. I think I just said, "hmmm, huh," about it. I guess it freaked me out that she could have this whole narrative about us, which she wholeheartedly believed and delivered to me as reality, not just about life as we know it, but even our freaking destiny. I instead said something about how im kind of sensitive to comments about how cancer is the "worst thing ever." I said I want to be proud of my life. Perhaps my reaction proved her belief to herself even more?

But, why would she come up with this story? What does it mean?? She thinks I overrode gods plan to give her cancer? She thinks I would volunteer to be tortured with treatment to spare her pain, like in the movies? And, she is suggesting that a mother would let her child take on pain in lieu of her, and at a time that I had my young children to care for? They could have lost me! I kind of thought she was calling me a sucker, or maybe she was telling me, in a weird way, that I'm strong and loving?

I tried to forget it, but I couldn't, and asked my husband what he thought it meant. He said she was hating on herself. I could sort of see that, but not really. Several months later, I told a friend about it. She said, "wow, I had no idea your mom was that mentally ill."

Anyhow, hopefully someone will read this and give me some ideas. After writing this out, I suppose she didn't think through what she said at all..could have been all based on fear, which became irrational thought.

It just bothers me that I can't understand her framework of "me" in her mind. Overall, I shouldn't care...?

[MtnTime2896]

So, I've also been through cancer (ditto of 'cancer is the worse thing ever' feeling; I hate that), and my mother and father had somewhat similar beliefs. My dad I think had it more so. We don't have the best relationship, to say the least, so I looked at his worry with a very biased opinion.
It could just be a parent thing, because my mom brought this up to me once or twice before. Both of my parents are mentally ill and I was ready to blame their beliefs on that. I think, for some reason, a parent will always find a way to blame themselves when their child gets sick. If their minds are a little off kilter, then it is likely to turn into irrational thought. My dad, I don't know about my dad.... My mom, she still feels it was her fault.

I don't know if I answered your question or fed your confusion. Just know that I can kind of relate.

[it'sgrowtime]

Thank you so much for your response and insight. True, it could be a way of her saying she feels like it's her fault, as a parent will do. And true, both mental illness and fear could make that normal feeling become irrational ideas.

[TishaBuv]

It sounds like she thinks there is X amount of cancer to go around, and since you were the one in the family to get it, she was spared. That's pretty whacko.

I don't think she meant anything mean spirited about it, though.

It just sounds like uneducated old-world thinking to me.

[it'sgrowtime]

Originally Posted by TishaBuv

It sounds like she thinks there is X amount of cancer to go around, and since you were the one in the family to get it, she was spared. That's pretty whacko.

I don't think she meant anything mean spirited about it, though.

It just sounds like uneducated old-world thinking to me.

Thank you for reading and giving feedback. I think you're right.