[sinking]

I cant stop fantasizing about voluntarily stopping to talk and communicate altogether. It would be like not existing without dying.

Anyone else fantasizing about this? Or have done it? What was it like?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by sinking

I cant stop fantasizing about voluntarily stopping to talk and communicate altogether. It would be like not existing without dying.

Anyone else fantasizing about this? Or have done it? What was it like?

here where I am this is called loneliness, instinct and being a human being. back when I attended sociology class I discovered something interesting.... human beings are a social species, that on an instinctual level craves togetherness and communication stemming back to the cave man days where there was safety in numbers and tribes had to work/ communicate together in order to hunt, gather and survive.

maybe you can look around your community for opportunities where you can get together with people and activities that you enjoy.

[sinking]

Yes, sometimes i feel lonely, but i dont understand the connection between the two things. Could you explain it to me please?

[amandalouise]

Originally Posted by sinking

Yes, sometimes i feel lonely, but i dont understand the connection between the two things. Could you explain it to me please?

the brain is an amazing thing. when we want or need something it starts focusing on that....

when a person is lonely their brain naturally starts thinking and daydreaming about people, thinking and daydreaming about being around people, thinking and daydreaming about engaging in conversations with people....

lets take it out of context of lonely for a moment...

think about what you ate last... what just happened? your brain caused you to remember what it was like to eat that last item or meal.

now think about what you would like to have that you havent ate in a long time. what just happened? your brain naturally started thinking about that and daydreaming about that.

well loneliness and boredom make the brain do the same thing... think and fantasize on things we want or need.

since you are fantasizing about talking with people my suggestion was maybe you can find ways that you can actually be around people and talk with them. this may help you to not feel so lonely and not have to fantasize so much about doing it.

[*Laurie*]

A long time ago, I used to fantasize about stopping speaking because I was angry at people who were not listening to me when I spoke.

[Sunflower123]

Originally Posted by sinking

I cant stop fantasizing about voluntarily stopping to talk and communicate altogether. It would be like not existing without dying.

Anyone else fantasizing about this? Or have done it? What was it like?

I've never had that fantasy or done it. Perhaps you could conduct an experiment?

[unaluna]

Theres an old twilight zone episode about this, where a rich old man bet a younger man who was a chatterbox that he couldnt go a whole year without talking.

I stopped talking for a year as a young teenager. I was molested and too scared to tell so I didnt dare open my mouth.I was very lonely.

[reb569]

My oldest brother passed away when I was 14 from injuries sustained in a horrific car accident. It wasn't willful, but basically for around 6 months the only words I spoke were yes, no, or I don't know, when asked a question, although I often would just nod or shake my head instead. I remember when I started talking full sentences again my voice sounded funny.

[*Laurie*]

There are holy men who take vows of silence.

[Sunflower123]

If you do an experiment, I would be interested in how it goes. Best wishes.

[Terabithia]

I stopped talking for about 3 weeks once. I felt very peaceful. I still find that the quieter I am, the more peaceful I feel.

But you want to exist without dying. I'm not sure that not talking will make you feel this way. Can you tell us more about what your thoughts are on simply existing, and why you want this?

[sinking]

i'd love to try. i think it would give me peace too. and maybe i would be emotionally free from people.

funny thing is my job is at a call center.

and unless i felt overwhelmed with the need to do it, i would feel too bad stopping to talk without giving any reason to at least my family whom i live with.

[Terabithia]

No, not a call center!!
I was working at a garden center. I chose to be silent when I was manic. I know that may sound impossible, but it was an unusual manic episode. I knew I had to let my employer know that I couldn't work there anymore, and the only way I was able to do that was to pretend I had laryngitis. Then, I ended up in the hospital. Still, even though I was pretty insane at the time, I do feel more at peace, the quieter I am.
If you quit your job, will you have to be dependent on your parents? I'm not saying that that would necessarily be a bad experience, but it could be. Could your job have anything to do with your desire to be silent? I wonder if getting a job in a quiet atmosphere could help.

[Terabithia]

...i think with silence comes an emotional freedom from people, in that because you don't talk, you settle into this place inside of not reacting to things that normally might hurt or anger you. But if with this silence comes a listening more deeply to others, than there will probably be a connection. If I were to be completely emotionally free from others, I would probably have to isolate myself, and some people do that, I think for inner contemplation and meditation, for a short period of time. For most people, though, I don't think complete isolation is good. Let me know if I'm making sense, ok?

[sinking]

Hi Terabithia, thank you for your answers.

mmmh... i dont think my job has anything to do with this because i've worked there only since May and i got there after quitting a very quiet and peaceful job at the library. curiously i ran from it because it was too quiet and i felt abandoned to myself. but the biggest reason is that it wasnt a "real" job and i wanted one with a "real" paycheck. im still in the apprenticeship here, so i still dont earn as a regular job but i hope they'll hire me - after all this commitment and efforts. it is Very demanding. but i think its the only chance for me to become economically independent and get a place on my own (still living with parents). so i cant afford to do "an experiment" unless im really overwhelmed.

i think what im aiming here, with this desire, IS isolation because people - all people - hurt me one way or another. today i gathered up my courage and contacted old friends (i thought since im thinking of them it will be good for them to hear from me) and i got hurt from some people i didnt expect it. so i do think isolation is better for me.....

[Terabithia]

I'm sorry. Relationships can be terribly hard. My sister has recently hurt me very badly, to the point that I can no longer think of her as a friend. I have been finding helpful quotes and writing them on notecards lately, although usually I forget to look at them! But one of them is, "the truth is, everyone is going to hurt you. You just have to find the ones worth suffering for." Sometimes, that may be only 2 people, or maybe only one, but just having one person who means that to you, can make a world of difference. Sometimes having a pet can be the relationship that makes a world of difference.
Could you look at isolation as a more temporary experience? Like, right now it sounds like it is really really hard for you to trust people, but then something might happen next week or next month, and you might change your mind and feel more hopeful.

In middle school, I went through a really hard time and became very quiet and afraid to talk much and also depressed. I was very quiet. it was a lonely time.

[sinking]

Terabithia, thank you so much for that quote, i really love it. it speaks to me.

it seems for most of you not talking means feeling alone. i guess i could feel that way too...

[Terabithia]

I'm glad you liked the quote. I love quotes because not only can they be really helpful, when you find ones that speak to you, but also, for me, it's a very safe way to communicate. It seems like good quotes are so perfect, when my own thoughts and communication are so flawed, and I end up hating myself after talking to people.

My husband and I isolate ourselves - it's just very stressful to be around other people. But I guess we could look at isolation in different ways and not completely isolate ourselves. Like, you connect with people here, and I really hope it helps, just at least knowing that you are not alone - and that there is always someone, or many many people, that read your posts and realize that they are not alone, in what they deal with, either.

Another way to safely connect, and not completely isolate, is through thoughts of connectiveness. I don't know if this quote will help you or not, but I will give it a go - it's not the complete quote, by Pema Chodron......."whatever is wanted, send that out for others to enjoy. Whatever is unwanted, breathe that in, experiencing it directly for yourself and all the others who are in the same boat." An extension of that that also helps me, is to forgive myself, and send that same forgiveness out to others, because we don't want others to be so cruel as we are to ourselves. And another big one, is to treat ourselves as we would treat a puppy.