I think it really rude and socially inept to discuss the making of plans or past socialisations in front of those that are uninvited to participate. There is no excuse for this. It is all very 'high school'. It is actually quite cruel.

I've written before, blistering commentary, on the social dynamics of my support group. The short version is that there exists a divide between the 'in-crowd' and those apparently unworthy to be included.

Recently, this split has been emphasized by the inexcusable behaviour and social ineptitude of those in the 'in-crowd' reminiscing each week about all that occurred outside the Group meetings. This includes a coffee date they all have with one another immediately following the weekly support group. Look, unless everyone present is invited to participate it is classless to be organising the coffee break in front of them. How excruciatingly painful too it must be for those uninvited to hear about the trips to the bars and other outings. As an example, instead of discussing matters pertaining to mental health, the ostracised group had to sit there for an hour listening to the back and forth reminiscing of a recent group fishing trip. This is disgustingly out of line and mean.

[Sunflower123]

I agree wholeheartedly. It's exceeding rude and cruel. Is there a meeting facilitator who can address this?

Their behavior is very out of line. If it were me I'd discuss it with the group facilitator and say so. I might even bring it up in front of group if I felt comfortable doing so.

[*Laurie*]

I agree. Definitely speak with the facilitator.

Unfortunately, two of the three moderators are guilty parties. In fact, the one is the creator/leader of this break-away group. As third member of the executive I have been unable to convince them of the error of their ways. Folks, this has come to a head. I did in fact - calmly - voice my concern. I discovered then that I have since been blocked from the FB group. Well, they finally broke this camel's back. The last straw was laid. I just can't do it any more. My apologies to the underdogs but I have lost this battle.

I'm really sorry, Justafriend. The group sounds toxic. Does that mean you are going to leave the group? That's what I would do. I would not feel supported at all by this "support" group.

It does sound unsupportive.

Only thing I can think to suggest is maybe making some other arrangements for outings with the express notice it is 'open to all', people may then have an opportunity to socialise.

Sometimes sadly it is good self-care to walk away from certain situations however.

Walking away seems the best choice for my own self. My resignation from my own role has been tendered.

[Apollite]

You are right to remove yourself from this group, and I have a feeling you won't be the only one to leave because eventually all of the other outsiders will be pushed out by the "popular" ones. It's disgraceful that such a cowardly, passive aggressive group is considered supportive - perhaps you could get together with the ostracised members and start your own real support group?

[childofchaos831]

Is get all passive aggressive and gather the uncool crowd and start planning much better activities and then show up to the group, and make the in crowd listen to y'all reminisce... I've always been a little bit of a b-word, tho, I just hardly let it show.

[childofchaos831]

Originally Posted by childofchaos831

Is get all passive aggressive and gather the uncool crowd and start planning much better activities and then show up to the group, and make the in crowd listen to y'all reminisce... I've always been a little bit of a b-word, tho, I just hardly let it show.

I'd get, not is get... this ph one really needs to learn English...

They must be mentally 15 or something. Don't worry about them, worry only about your own actions

[reb569]

I 2nd Apollite on this. If possible, start your own group and invite the other individuals who were left out on that group.

[JosephRico.]

Originally Posted by *Laurie*

I agree. Definitely speak with the facilitator.

Exactly!!

[eskielover]

You probably aren't able to start a group & steal/coax/invite those from the "outside" group but it would sure be a nice idea. They had to have experienced that left out feeling.

We're those people invited to be part of the "in group" but chose not to participate with them. There are times when I have so many other activities that I have actually made a conscious choice not to be involved. Especially when I feel less of a connection & it doesn't bother me that they talk about their activity because I was the one who chose not to get involved (though group should focus only on that groups functions)

I think you are perfectly correct in the way you handled this. Sad it came to this point.

Originally Posted by eskielover

...We're those people invited to be part of the "in group" but chose not to participate with them. There are times when I have so many other activities that I have actually made a conscious choice not to be involved.

I think you are perfectly correct in the way you handled this. Sad it came to this point.

You have a valid point here. I admit I have been hurt, but my firmness about this issue stemmed more out of a need to champion what is right and out of support of the underdog. By walking away I feel badly. I have let them down.

[eskielover]

You were still right that they should have not spent so much of the group time talking about the activities they did together outside the group whether it actually did hurt those not involved or not. The group needed to focus on the topics for ALL in that group.

My DBT group got together to see a movie. I actually went to see the movie alone because I couldnt get together at the time the few of them went...we discussed the movie in group because it was a group topic about the mind.....we also have a few that get together outside of group but I am so busy with so many other activities many times I don't participate. But our group leader kept us focused on topics that were helpful for the whole group. You are right. It is the facilitators jobs to keep the group focused on EVERYONE not just a subgroup of the people involved.