[BiscuitTin]

I'm talking about obsession over a person that you don't really know that well . . . it starts with infatuation, then jealousy, the you are thinking of this person all the time and they are the centre of the universe and if you are not near them then you might as well be living underground in Iceland cos nothing you do matters if this person doesn't see it.

I am feeling this way now and if anybody can explain this particular problem, I would be most grateful . . .

Thanks.

[eskielover]

I remember feeling that way a few times when I was in high school & there was a guy that I really wanted for a boyfriend....or at least I thought I did.

That is the key.....I ended up realizing that I wasn't living in reality...reality has to take into consideration where the other person is & what they are feeling. We can't force someone to feel something they don't feel & we can't dwell on our feelings especially at that stage of a knowing someone. I also realized over the years that it wasn't healthy mentally to ever dwell on my feelings about someone....anyone....even my husband. I found that when my mind spent all it's time thinking about someone else, I ended up loosing myself.

When I would loose myself, then I could never make any relationship work even if it could have turned into something.....because when I lost myself, then I didn't have anything to offer the other person because my mind was all wrapped up in thinking about them & I wouldn't do anything else because I was consumed by those thoughts.

A successful relationship has to consist of 2 well rounded individuals coming together. When I lost myself in obsessing, then the other person even if they might have been interested....ended up not seeing the real me because it was lost under the obsessing.

Hope this makes some sense,
Debbie

[seeker1950]

HI, BiscuitTin...(cute name!)
May I ask, to what degree and in which kind of relationship you are involved with this person over whom you find yourself obsessing?
I've done this before...obsessing over someone, but only in a romantic/sexual relationship.
Patty

[ECHOES]

You might want to examine what it is saying about you. What you want, what you need, what it is you think this person will do for you, your life. What in you will this person fill up or add to ?

I recently had a very hard time with this. It wasn't romantic or sexual, but there was a huge emotional void in me that I thought this person could fill up because this person had tapped into some things, awakened some needs and desires in me. For me it was/is a desire for the mothering I never had and I think a desire for closeness, non-sexual intimacy that I have no idea how to find or take part in.

It took a long time to deal with it. I was miserable for months and months. Could think of little else and felt frantic when I didn't think of the person or when I realized we were separate in spite of my trying to connect the distance with constant thoughts about the person. I spent hours paralyzed with obsessing, I missed work, I bored and drove nuts those around me who knew about it, I fell apart when I imagined the person abandoning me... .So exhausting. When I found a therapist I could talk about it, she accepted that about me and just let me talk about how frustrating it is/was and it helped so much.

I don't know if this helps but I hope so. I know how consuming it can be, even if you are not wanting it to be.

[BiscuitTin]

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seeker1950 said:
HI, BiscuitTin...(cute name!)
May I ask, to what degree and in which kind of relationship you are involved with this person over whom you find yourself obsessing?
I've done this before...obsessing over someone, but only in a romantic/sexual relationship.
Patty

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Oh, i'm not in any kind of relationship with her, she's kind of a minor celebrity in a Canadian/American TV show . . .

http://imdb.com/name/nm0167435/

It always happens with someone I don't really know very well, it's a mix of jealousy/infatuation . . .