[dragonphoto]

The Wheel and how the spoke got broke.
Wow I am a poet and I didn't even know it. So about this title "The Wheel and how the spoke got broke." I have been dealing with a lot of things in my life and I needed a push to get my *** in gear. Well I got that push...more like a firm swift kick to my ***. So I have spent the past two months really thinking about me and why I have the problems that I have, and it was not until something major happened to me and forced me to get brutally honest with myself. Once the honesty started flowing through my body I realized a lot of things. I would like to list them and how I have changed my perspective on these issues:

1) Trying to make everyone happy. I always felt that it responsibilty to make sure that everyone in my life was happy. The fix, I am the only person that I can make happy. This took so much stress off my life.

2) Worrying that I make people upset. This was something that I always beat to death with people. They would look upset and I felt like it was something that I did. The fix, just because someone is upset does not mean that it was me and they would tell me if I had done something.

3) Getting angry. Anger is a natural human emotion and needs to expressed in a healthy way. The funny thing was I did not even know what made me upset. The fix, I am going to be more flexible in the way I think about anger and give other people the benifit of the doubt. A lot of my anger came from my beliefs being chanllenged or feeling like I was being ridiculed. Well all that has changed now this whole positive thinking thing really works.

4) Lack of respect. I know that some of you may feel that there have been times that I do not respect the person that you are, and I may well not have. I am very sorry if you thought or I did disrespect you. The fix, everybody shares the same planet and they all have the right to be here. I must remember that other people need just as much respect as I do.

5) Always about me. In the past it has always been about me and what I wanted. It has put a great many people out. The fix, make sure that I give as much as I take.

6)Control. I always felt that I had to be in control of the situation, that is one of the reasons I have always been a homebody, because I did not feel like I was in control in other settings. The fix, let that control train just roll on by. There are going to be somethings that I cannot control and I must recognize what they are.

After I realized what was going on with me, I was able to fix a lot of the problems that I have had. I am working towards a goal, one that I feel is achievable (sorry spelling) and one that I really need to accomplish. I am only a person and I am going to make some mistakes, but those mistakes are going to be few and far between. I am going to make sure that I get the help I need and take some time for myself. This is very important to make sure that the steps that I am taking are the ones to keep me healthy. I hope everyone that reads this knows that I am being completly honest and bearing my soul like I never had before. Even with my wife it is hard for me to bear my soul, but it is something that I have started to do to make sure our marriage works the way it should. May God bless you all.

how wonderful to read your words and see how much you have learned about yourself........excellent! you are truly a good man......