Just need to get this out, something that happened years ago

When I was in my mid teens, after just starting to use the internet I got involved with a few forums. I decided it would be a good idea to make my own forum (I dont know what gave me that idea). And of course nobody joined it, though I mentioned it to people on the forums I was already on. After a while a few people did join, post once to say hello then never come back. I was disappointed and a bit angry and I thought the solution to this was to make up some fake users to make it look busy. I know this was a stupid idea but I was around 15 and had a lot of stupid thoughts then.

I made 3 or 4 at first and made posts by them, so I was basically talking to myself. It didn't work, so I made a few more. Only 2 other "real" people joined but they weren't very active. By now I had about 10 fake users and starting to find it a chore to post as them all. I did abondon 2 of them but I thought anymore would look to obvious. I did abandon a few more over time so there was just about 5 or 6. But now that there was some real people there I just wanted to post as myself. But I had to keep the fake ones going, even if I didn't log in as them so much. But it was starting to stress me out, I was at school at the time so I could only do this in the evenings and it felt like I was spending most of my free time (around homework etc) posting as these fake people. I had even put some of them on a few other forums because people were talking to them.

At some point I made a big mistake. I went onto another forum where people were being weird. Being a stroppy hormonal teenager I just had to post to tell them that they were weird. I meant to do it with a different username but I forgot to change it and posted as myself. But too late nothing I can do. And anyway all I really wrote was "you people are weird" or something to that effect. Well I decided to go back the next day and see if anyopne had responded and they had. It didn't seem to be the "weird people" though. It was some angry person with a username that looked like random letters. They posted a long abusive message, all written in capitals, totally blowing the whole thing out of proportion because I didnt really mean any offence by my message.

Now obviously I should have just ignored them and left and never gone to that forum again, and if something like that happened now I would. But again being an angsty hormonal teenager I took the bait, replied and started a massive argument. Some other usernames joined in but could tell they were all the same person; they all wrote in capital letters, used the same insults, and all but one had usernames made up of random letters (that didn't make an actual word). This went on for well over a week and then I got into some trouble because they decided to take it further. The invaded my forum and insulted everyone there, both real and fake and this obviously scared the real ones away, they accused me of doing something bad and that they were going to get me arrested for it, and I was scared because I thought that this could happen.

I obviously never did this bad thing, I'm in a totally different coutry for a start, and they had no evidence. Well eventually they stopped (all at once which proves that they were all the same person). And then an online friend came to my forum (which was now dead, I just kept 2 or 3 users going to make it not look so bad but the 2 real people had fled). Turns out her boyfriend knew this guy in real life, he lived in the same area and was a known troublemaker / criminal. Apparantly it turned out that he had done the bad thing "himself" and had got arrested for it. He was currently in prison but since it wasn't a major crime this would only be temporary.

I knew he would be back so I shut my forum down. By now I had actually started working and had less time, and the forum was dead with just me and my fake accounts now and again, trying to get new people to come. I also realised he could bother me other places so I left all the places I used to go, completely erased that presence and identity. I did make a new account/identity on ezboard and hoped they wouldn't know it was me if they found me, but obviously I never went back to those forums I used to go on. So because of this I lost all of my online friends that I had and never managed to make new ones, I was still scared that he could find me some way. I was actually scared for about 3 or 4 years after the incident. Then eventually I assumed if he was going to do something he would have by now.

I've always hated myself for doing that, and always regretted it, its something I've never been able to get over. (And I'm hoping by writing this and getting it out, I can release it). I should never have made all those fake accounts and wasted all that time when I could have been doing other things. I dont know what the point was in making a forum when I was a member of a few others, why would anyone need another on the same subject? Also internet was dial-up then and very slow. I pretty much abandoned any other hobbies (mainly art) to keep up with all my fake accounts as well as the posting as myself on the few sites. And I should never have made that stupid comment (about those people being weird) and got myself into trouble with idiots, that I would be scared of for years to come. I never enjoyed doing it, it was always a chore I hated doing.

I feel like I really messed up. But maybe I deserved it all for making those fake "people" and lying and deceiving people.

I'm sorry this thing happened to you. Don't blame yourself for it.. it's not your fault any of this happened.

I hope you're doing better now.

I don't know that I can make you feel better, but I accept you.

Interesting story, I ran a small forum myself as a teenager so I know it can be kind of weird trying to get some users and keep it active. I never made fake accounts but I did put a lot of work into a forum (like installing arcade modules and stuff like that) that only had a handful of active members and in the end was kind of sad that all that effort didn't turn up much. A girl I had made a co-administrator actually contacted me out of the blue a whole 5 years later and honestly i didn't reply to her message, I felt pretty bad about that but, it all felt like a thing of the past and I had moved on. I think in some ways online friends or online friend groups do just tend to come and go, it's fairly natural even though it can be tough emotionally.

Thanks

I did make one of the real people a moderator, she never messaged me years later but if she did I would have to ignore her too. Not only because I have had to move on from that and completely move on from that, but she would probably talk about the other (fake) people, because she obviously assumed they were real people, might even try to find some of them. And what would I say to that?

Oh, my goodness...you were fifteen. Give yourself a break...forgive yourself. As I was reading your post I was giggling...the joy, angst, fun, and creativity of being 15 years old! All you wanted was a busy forum. No harm in that. Please go easy on your former self.

Years ago I tried to start my own forum, I was annoyed at the time with abusive powertripping mods elsewhere and wanted to try and make a safe place for people to be away from those abusive powertripping mods. Sadly, only a couple of people joined, posted a couple of times, then stopped coming. I ended up closing it down. That was one of my biggest dreams, being a moderator of a big forum, it's a dream I was forced to give up on cause those powertrippers took pleasure in shooting down every dream I dared to dream

Go easy on yourself, everyone makes mistakes as a teenager

By Reading your post, I also decided to write one post like you. Nice one man.

Thing is, the mods on the other forums were fine, everyone was friendly (apart from maybe a few idiots, not mods) so it wasn't anything like that, I just liked the idea of having my own forum and it being active. I never really knew why.

I'm a total hypocrite by saying this, but I agree with above; you have to forgive your fifteen year old self. You were a kid, your frontal lobe wasn't even fully developed yet. I accept you, also.

I suppose I was too young to understand the consequences of what I thought was a meaningless comment, or that making fake accounts wasn't such a great idea.

But I still feel bad about it.

I did hear at the time that making fake accounts was a good way of making a brand new forum look more active and to gradually stop using the fake accounts as you get more members, so you don't need to feel guilty/bad about doing that

You’re being way too hard on yourself. You didn’t intend any harm. Every one of us does dumb things we regret. I should take my own advice because I cringe with regret at stupid things I have done and sometimes still do...

Thanks everyone.

I think that was the idea but it got out of hand. Since I wasn't getting real members I felt I needed to make more fake accounts.