[MtnTime2896]

Do the clouds choose to mock me out of pride or pity? That they may fly and I'm here on this poisoned ground. But I know, I know they're soon to drench the poison I rest on. Drench me in my sin, let it soak away. My life is disgusting, my existence treacherous. My soul is blind to logic while it embraces more and more pain. Neither the clouds nor I remember when this poison got into the earth. Could it have been the clouds themselves? Lying to me all of this time that they were happy and free, while they died and dissipated everyday in an effort to release the poison? No, it couldn't be. They couldn't hurt as I do, break apart as I do, cry as I do... could they? Could these clouds, these floating ever changing clouds, be the same as me?

Is it really not better to fly? Please don't answer that. I want to believe that flying will be better than this. I need to believe flying will free me.

[MickeyCheeky]

Beautiful writing as always, my dear friend. I am just DEEPLY SORRY that you're hurting SO BADLY! Please feel free to reach out to me as always. You know I'm ALWAYS here for you! t does get easier in my opinion. You just have to get through the hardest parts... but it does get easier at some point, and I hope it will be REALLY, REALLY SOON! Be kind to yourself, my dear, sweet friend! Sending many safe, warm hugs to BOTH you, Sò leigheas, your family, your friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking! I am TRULY, DEEPLY SORRY that you're huritng and struggling SO BADLY and that you're going through ALL OF THIS!

[MtnTime2896]

I appreciate you, Mickey. Thank you my friend.

[LilyMop]

Lovely. I hope you’re doing well.

[TishaBuv]

It can get easier. I hope it does for you!

For me, situations got worse but I think I toughened from prior ones which made me stronger to get through this one. Plus some new good meds.

[TunedOut]

I am sorry you are still struggling! You always express yourself so beautifully. Many who are in pain have had misfortunes but we also keep thinking about the misfortune instead of focussing of the present and future.
It can be hard to figure out how to make our future better when we are mired in our pain.

Like Tisha, I found I had to take drugs in order to quiet the negative records that kept replaying in my head. Perhaps it was a type of depression that caused it. I find that when I let up on my meds, those catastrophic thoughts come right back. Sometimes when you think it will all turn out bad--you make it so! And you can't be uplifting either.

I hope you can figure out a way to make your life better. For me, I am trying to do that by working more (whether paid or just taking care of what I have) and thinking less. I try to be happy with what I have and assume I will be able to earn more by doing my best when I work. Sometimes our thoughts are just as wounding as our reality. I hope things get better for you.

[Breaking Dawn]

I know the feelings you're experiencing. The first thing I pull out of my bag of tricks is the ol' "count my blessings" helper. I name all the things I can think of that I'm grateful for, & I start to feel better. And I agree, be good to yourself. By the way, the above works for me most of the time, but nothing works for me all the time. Those times I just have to hang in there & wait till iit gets better. I say to myself, "This too shall pass." Hugs to you. I wish you all the best!

[Aviza]

Well some things get easier, others don't. My mental health is better, therefore easier, but my finances due to my mental health suffer. I'm asking for help, too little too late but it's something. I want to buy a nice car in the future, I made that future instead of immediate long term. Because I do stupid stuff that wreaked havoc on my finances. But I'm stable. But when I wasn't bad things happen, that have ruined my life essentially so honestly does it get better? I'm alive, that's all I can say, where there is life there is hope.

[Fuzzybear]

So leigheas

[avlady]

Yes i say this too shall pass!

[kumori18]

Such heartfelt writing. Don't stop looking for silver linings. You'll get your sunshine soon.

[psyguy99]

Originally Posted by MickeyCheeky

Beautiful writing as always, my dear friend. I am just DEEPLY SORRY that you're hurting SO BADLY! Please feel free to reach out to me as always. You know I'm ALWAYS here for you! t does get easier in my opinion. You just have to get through the hardest parts... but it does get easier at some point, and I hope it will be REALLY, REALLY SOON! Be kind to yourself, my dear, sweet friend! Sending many , warm hugs to BOTH you, Sò leigheas, your family, your friends and ALL of your Loved Ones! Keep fighting and keep rocking! I am TRULY, DEEPLY SORRY that you're huritng and struggling SO BADLY and that you're going through ALL OF THIS!

I liked the way you replied and provided help to the original poster! Keep spreading love!