[inkblot]

I'd like some input on this. I'm not sure if I should question how my ex disciplines our kids, or if it's my PTSD from his abuses/rapes to me causing me to over-react.

I was talking on the phone to one of my children. The other was very hyperactive and misbehaving. I'll skip the details, but the child I was talking to yelled several times for her dad (the other sibling was hurting her for part of this), but dad didn't come. When he finally came 8-minutes into our phone conversation, he came down the stairs yelling sounding very stressed and angry. A minute or two later I suddenly heard my little wild child crying hard. I asked the one I was talking to what happened, why did I hear crying, but she seemed to not want to tell me. At first I was told "Nothing", she really didn't want to answer. She was sounding nervous the more I asked what happened, and she finally said that he was spanked--but she said it quietly and as if she were asking a question and sounded very unsure and hesitant. Something for information was missing, but she still wouldn't give in.

This really bothers me. Why would she not want to tell me why her brother was crying?! I left messages for my child's psychologist all about it. He asks every time we go in if there is anything that I want him to work on with her, so I called to tell him while it was all fresher in my mind. It took three messages to do it, thanks to phone difficulties and me pushing the wrong buttons. The third I had to call back yet again because after leaving that really long story, I realized that I hadn't actually said what I'd wanted him to work on: that my one child didn't want to tell me why the other was crying. And also, when I was a child I very effectively lied to every body (school social workers/psychologist/teacher) about abuses and experiences. How do we know that my child would be honest? We are a lot alike, and this has me concerned that she will hide or does hide feelings or things.

What do you all think? Am I justified enough to wonder how my kids are disciplined by their father? Due to the situation and circumstances, my PTSD to his physical/sexual abuses to me already make him have a lack of trust in him and doubt. I know that my PTSD is a factor in my reaction, but how much of this is going to be PTSD, you know? This really bothers me.

[Peanut61]

Follow your motherly instincts, ((((Ink)))); they're there for a reason. Sending you positive energy...

Warmly, Peanut

<font color=blue>HI FROM PEANUT</font color=blue>

[gloria]

Maybe your one kid didn't want to tell for due to fear of consequences...Mmmm, I'd be concern too.
FOLLOW YOUR INSTINCTS

gab

[shakes]

Inkblot,
I agree with what Ozzie and Gloria have said. Mother instincts are suppose to be very powerful (and usually correct) if you think something is wrong it probably is.

Jessica

<font color=blue>The worst is over now and we can breathe again
I wanna hold you high, you steal my pain away
There’s so much left to learn, and no one left to fight
I wanna hold you high and steal your pain</font color=blue>
~Seether and Amy Lee

[Meachie]

I agree trust your instincts. Usually abusers don't quit abusing without much therapy. Typically they move on to another victim after one has had enough. It is a tragic cycle. Keep your eyes and ears open.

Meachie

Never underestimate your power to change yourself;
never overestimate your power to change others-
H. Jackson Brown Jr.