[Toughcooki]

So I sit and tell people every bad thing that's ever happened to me. But only in my mind. I imagine telling this person or that person, or a judge, or anyone- this is what happened to me. This happened. This happened.

So what the heck is going on here? Sometimes I can't sleep for hours because I'm 'busy' telling someone about something that happened years and years ago.

[Open Eyes]

I am sorry Toughcookie, this is one of the symptoms that presents with complex ptsd. Are you seeing a therapist?

[Toughcooki]

Yes, I have a new T as of last week. And I do have PTSD, and since it's based on lifelong trauma I expect it's probably cptsd. I didn't know this was a normal symptom - that's actually a huge relief, haha.

[Perpetuity]

we are here for you.

[Toughcooki]

Originally Posted by Open Eyes

I am sorry Toughcookie, this is one of the symptoms that presents with complex ptsd. Are you seeing a therapist?

Could you tell me what it's called, so I can try to research it?

[Restin]

ToughCooki, I feel for your dilemma about telling people your experience. I think you tell in imagination because you, and I, know our friends and relatives can't relate to our problems, and don't want to either. Friends are just waiting for a pause to tell you all about their problems, their children's problems that you don't even know. It's only a therapist who understands and doesn't brush you off. What really gets me is a T who says to talk to friends because "therapists aren't real". That is so stupid and dismissive. Are friends more real when they can't understand anything about your emotions? I feel like quitting with a T as soon as he tells me to find friends, or relatives to talk to. I guess T had plenty of friends and colleagues in the university to tell his stuff to; so, he doesn't know what it's like in the so-called "real world"
I'm so thankful for this forum where we are heard and understood and can share back and forth with friends here.

[sarahsweets]

It could be that you have had your issues invalidated over your lifetime and what to feel validated.

[RoxanneToto]

I do this, too, not to the extent you’re describing but I do tell imaginary people about stuff that happened to me ages ago. Some are things that I have told others and not got the reaction I was expecting or hoping for (i.e. not been validated). Not got a diagnosis of PTSD, however.
I hope you can get the support you need, in any case.

[Toughcooki]

Originally Posted by Restin

ToughCooki, I feel for your dilemma about telling people your experience. I think you tell in imagination because you, and I, know our friends and relatives can't relate to our problems, and don't want to either. Friends are just waiting for a pause to tell you all about their problems, their children's problems that you don't even know. It's only a therapist who understands and doesn't brush you off. What really gets me is a T who says to talk to friends because "therapists aren't real". That is so stupid and dismissive. Are friends more real when they can't understand anything about your emotions? I feel like quitting with a T as soon as he tells me to find friends, or relatives to talk to. I guess T had plenty of friends and colleagues in the university to tell his stuff to; so, he doesn't know what it's like in the so-called "real world"
I'm so thankful for this forum where we are heard and understood and can share back and forth with friends here.

Yes!!!! SO much yes. My last T was like - you have a friend, tell her about the stuff that's going on. Me: Um, she just found out her husband has advanced cancer, plus he needs heart surgery, and her dear dear dear grandma is dying alone with Covid keeping visitors out of the hospital. I'm not going to be all, 'I had a sad day' when she's in the middle of all this stuff!!! And T was like - why not? She's your friend, she needs to listen to your stuff too!
So unreasonable. I agree if my friend had just had a bad day - but what she's dealing with is HUGE and temporary. A few years from now, I'll still be depressed, but her husband will probably be gone, her grandma will be gone, and - well, she'll probably be depressed right there with me. But at least then she would have a little more leisure to back-and-forth about depression & bad stuff that's happened in the past. Besides, a friend is likely to either not know what to say, and just change the subject, or else be TOO supportive (a yes-man, telling you what you want to hear) while a good T may challenge you to challenge yourself, etc. I honestly don't WANT my friends to be able to relate to the stuff I would tell them bc nooooo I don't want anyone else to have gone through any of that stuff. And if they didn't go through it, how could you possibly understand? I mean- I was certain, as a child, that I had less than a 50-50 chance of making it to adulthood. I don't think I've ever met anyone else who lived with that constant awareness of the strong possibility of early death. And thought about it. As a child - 'will I live to be 18 so I can leave?' isn't something a little kid should be thinking about, and I don't think most people can understand how a thing like that changes the way you look at life. A good T would understand that, though. And people here on the forums, God Bless 'em! LOL!

[Toughcooki]

Originally Posted by sarahsweets

It could be that you have had your issues invalidated over your lifetime and what to feel validated.

Very possible. I haven't been listened to a lot. Maybe I have a lot to complain about, but just don't trust anyone enough to do it real-life, lol.

[Toughcooki]

Originally Posted by RoxanneToto

I do this, too, not to the extent you’re describing but I do tell imaginary people about stuff that happened to me ages ago. Some are things that I have told others and not got the reaction I was expecting or hoping for (i.e. not been validated). Not got a diagnosis of PTSD, however.
I hope you can get the support you need, in any case.

Thank you The people are really people - like a lawyer I'm going to hire, I imagine all the things I'd tell the lawyer about the situation I'm in... or, I've had a million imaginary conversations with my new therapist, lol, despite only a single actual session. I just want to make it stoooopppp... It keeps me up at night, lol.

Now that I think of it, it may be a kind of rehearsing.