What's with all the leaving posts???

I worry about how all the leaving posts affect people new to site who have come here and found relief and then see all the leaving posts. I worry that they will think this isn't a good place, and they won't stay for the support.

I wish the mod/admin team knew half of why people start posting the leaving posts. We're here to help, and when people start saying they're leaving, I tend to feel like "we didn't even have a chance to fix whatever is wrong". Thats my vulnerablility, as a member here and as a mod. I wish I could fix everything....so when someone is gonna leave and the rest of the team and I are like hmmmmm what happened? Wish we coulda helped......its rough. I try and remember that it may be the only way one knows to ask for help, and often times people get supportive posts and end up staying after they say they're leaving, which is good.....I would just say please pm me and anyone else on the mod/admin team, or another trusted member, and try to resolve issues before publicly announcing a departure.

(((( Jinny ))))) this wasn't directed at you specificially....you were the last person to post before I replied and I just did a quick reply.

Jinny I was not making a dig at you or anyone. I truly hope you decide to come back in a bit when things have sorted themselves out in your head hun, I truly wish you well and I know you did not mean to hurt anyone.

I respect that 99% of people leave these posts with the intention of letting others know where they are at. I repect that people go through difficulties and it's hard to see the way to the end. I wish we could all be unconditionally kind to each other. Won't happen here or in real life. Humans are odd folk. I wish comers and leavers peace on their journeys. I wish the rest of us that same peace. I am sorry the posts are triggering to some.

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We have 37,994 members here and
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Perspective. "All" how many? Yes they are people we know and love and it can be very sad and scary having people we know leave us but, in this situation (PC), we have a whole lot more people staying who know and love us and are happy to help us through that fear and pain?

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Raynaadi said:
I worry about how all the leaving posts affect people new to site who have come here and found relief and then see all the leaving posts. I worry that they will think this isn't a good place, and they won't stay for the support.

I wish the mod/admin team knew half of why people start posting the leaving posts. We're here to help, and when people start saying they're leaving, I tend to feel like "we didn't even have a chance to fix whatever is wrong". Thats my vulnerablility, as a member here and as a mod. I wish I could fix everything....so when someone is gonna leave and the rest of the team and I are like hmmmmm what happened? Wish we coulda helped......its rough. I try and remember that it may be the only way one knows to ask for help, and often times people get supportive posts and end up staying after they say they're leaving, which is good.....I would just say please pm me and anyone else on the mod/admin team, or another trusted member, and try to resolve issues before publicly announcing a departure.

(((( Jinny ))))) this wasn't directed at you specificially....you were the last person to post before I replied and I just did a quick reply.

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Yes I agree Raynaadi, thank you.

The reason I started this post is because I CARE. If I didn't care I wouldn't give a monkey's about it, but that fact is that I worry about the reasons why people leave, why they feel a need to announce and whether they are leaving for the wrong reasons.

PC has it's ups and downs but it IS the best there is, admin and the mod team are happy to help with problems and there are many experienced members here who are truly caring and want to help. It really is like a huge family here and we do get attached to people.

Thanks for all the replies, it is an issue for me because I happen to care!

BIG hug on its way to you Pegasus.....

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wisewoman said:
Maybe we should all keep being as loving and supportive as we know how. That is not in begging people to stay but in accepting that if they need to be gone for a bit, or forever, we support that. No judgement, just friendship.

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Wisewoman, you could not have said it better or more loving. You understand what a support forum is all about. Unfortunately, in situations like this, members (no one in particular, of course) make up their own rules and to try to project them upon other posters.

I left here due to pain. I couldn't be on the computer for very long without having to go to bed and sleep the pain off. I explained that in my post. I'm not the type to leave and not let people know why I'm gone. My friends here fully understood and responded with kindness.

The ignore button works very well for me.

I've had some painfree days lately and have taken the opportunity to post. I'll start no threads, but if I feel like coming back and posting, I will.

I have many dear friends here and I will support them when I am physically able to do so.

As for being "triggered", the only leaving posts that ever affected me were the ones that were, "I'm leaving".....and within a few hours, we read, "I'm back". Are those posters seeking attention or testing the waters about being accepted? Probably, and I understand that.

Those posts upset me for awhile and then I started using the ignore feature. Problem solved!

My suggestion to the posters who are upset by a "leaving post", don't read them. That is the most rational way to deal with the problem. Then no one will be triggered and the person who is leaving can say goodbye to their friends without being feeling like they're breaking a rule here.

Posters here are good people and don't deserve the negativity that can happen when they feel that staying here isn't in their best interest. Aren't we all here to show others that we take their needs to heart?

As for rules, I've never seen John say that a poster can't say goodbye, be it for an hour or a year or for eternity.

well put

(((((blah_x))))) I did not mean to imply you should shut up and leave! I personally do not recall seeing you’re posts of good-bye. May I just offer this suggestion? Post that you are in a bad place and need some support because you’re feeling alone, misunderstood, ignored or whatever.

Sometimes, not all, but sometimes those posts of “I’m leaving” feel like a form of manipulation.

If someone makes a thread that they are leaving, and I do not know them, I feel uncomfortable or phony responding to the thread. On the other hand if someone posts a request for help or attention I feel that I am not out of line by offering a stranger an ear or a shoulder to lean on.

What hurts, Hope?

Hope? What's going on? The last few posts that I've seen of yours have only been smilies. Are you ok?

The issue has been resolved, thank you for all the replies.

Please see DocJohn's post.

Link here >>>>>>>>>>>>>>

http://forums.psychcentral.com/showf...5&o=21&fpart=1

Thank you.

pegasus
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What's with all the leaving posts???

#732534 - Yesterday (01/24/08) at 10:16 am Edit Reply Quote



What's with all the flipping leaving posts???

I have said before that members find it triggering when people threaten to leave.

What's the matter? Aren't we good enough for you??

pegasus, when have you ever, ever read a leaving post that even hinted that PC members weren't good enough for another poster? if you can point me to it, then i'll consider your post as a valid one.

i won't say that i accept that it's been resolved. it's been handled by John. some won't see it as "resolved".

Since there is a post by DocJohn about this, I am locking this thread. Please direct any more feelings about the issue to a member of the community team in a PM.

Thanks everyone, and above all, take care of YOU.

~Rayna