Emotionally healthy

What percent of Americans would you say are highly emotionally healthy?

Nah. Everybody crazy.

"Everyone's strange but me and thee. And sometimes thee acts funny", as my mother used to say...

Not a lot, I would say.

I read a story about a young woman who got awarded for perfect attendance her entire K-12 experience. Thirteen years of not missing school. It was her mission by the end.

My first thought: Why? Are you happy? When the buzz from the news story wears off, what else you got? It seems like a lot of effort for an unfulfilling goal.

My next thought: You do realize professors cancel class all the time? Some of your professors will be cool. Some will bore you to tears. In my case, I had one lull a student to sleep with his voice. You are going to want to skip class once in a while. Guess what, most professors don't care. If it's once in a while, that is.

I take emotionally healthy to be fulfilled. I don't think many people have found that goal. I don't know if I have, to be honest. Trying, though.

I think for the first time in my life, the last few years I finally feel emotionally healthy & physically healthy too. I am finally surrounded by people who are on the emotionally healthy side of that spectrum & I keep my distance from whose who aren't in that they are not really close friends I
socialize with often.

I think probably everyone is crazy...

Some more so than others.

I agree

Define emotionally healthy.

My guess is less than 1 percent.

I also think that it's likely a very low percentage who are Highly emotionally healthy... also I'm not exactly sure what exactly it means.

I don't know what healthy is I guess. But I sure know what unhealthy is. And I have seen a ton of that.

yep. I have too.

I would base the definition of "emotionally healthy" from what I have learned, on the sections in DBT called Emotional Regulation & Mindfulness. If someone has the skills to regulate their emotions & also in tune with their mind to blend their logic & emotional mind & find that balance with both so as not allow either to totally rule their actions & decision making, they are probably pretty much Emotionally Healthy people.

I like your definition. I like DBT. (OK, I love DBT actually )

Quote:

Originally Posted by WovenGalaxy I like your definition. I like DBT. (OK, I love DBT actually )

I am with you on loving it. It taught me the most skills so that I wouldn't go back to the dysfunctional behaviors I used relating to my dysfunctional husband in my dysfunctional marriage. Actually proved it worked when I had to go back there for a court case against him in 2018. I used all the skills I learned & stayed in control of the situations when I was dealing with him one on one when I was back there & kept my emotions in control. He used to push me till I blew up in anger.....not that time & was wise to walk away when I sensed him pushing in that direction.

I need to see if I can find a DBT group.

Taking a CBT course, early on after my diagnoses, REALLY helped me identify not just my own wrong thinking about many things, it showed me where other people's treatment of me had been either wrong and even inexcusable. I'd LOVE to take a DBT course, now, and see what I could do with that.

And thanks, Eskie, for the definition. I think you got it very close to perfect.

My feeling about the percentage of emotionally healthy people is that It's based on two sliding scales: The measure of where one falls on the emotional maturity scale, and what your home life environment was like, growing up. These two measures would tell me a lot about who is actually emotionally healthy, and who is likely to find themselves unhappy at some point or other in their lives.

In short, I think it's like how we discuss autism: I believe everyone is somewhere on a spectrum of mental health.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MuseumGhost Taking a CBT course, early on after my diagnoses, REALLY helped me identify not just my own wrong thinking about many things, it showed me where other people's treatment of me had been either wrong and even inexcusable. I'd LOVE to take a DBT course, now, and see what I could do with that. And thanks, Eskie, for the definition. I think you got it very close to perfect. My feeling about the percentage of emotionally healthy people is that It's based on two sliding scales: The measure of where one falls on the emotional maturity scale, and what your home life environment was like, growing up. These two measures would tell me a lot about who is actually emotionally healthy, and who is likely to find themselves unhappy at some point or other in their lives. In short, I think it's like how we discuss autism: I believe everyone is somewhere on a spectrum of mental health.

Definitely a spectrum condition. I grew up in a fairly unhealthy emotional family life & married into the same in my marriage. Had a gut feel it was all dysfunctional but couldn't fight my way out of reacting to the dysfunction which created dysfunction in me. Wasn't until after my parents were no longer alive & I left my bad marriage thatcI could finally sort out with an excellent T & the DBT what all had been wrong all those years & change myself after I was no longer living in an environment I reacted very negatively to. The spectrum aspect of this can be changed unlike some other mental health issues & even knowing DBT very well, I often wonder if it would have been successful for me if I had continued to be trapped in that bad marriage.

It is amazing to compare my past with my present & see how far I came given all the years I was an active part in a very emotionally unhealthy environment. No one where I live now even knew me then so no one but me & my daughter can really see the change.

I think my definition of emotionally healthy is close to eskie's. As far as having a mental health issue being the basis for being called emotionally unhealthy, I'm not sure about that, particularly if you are working on your recovery or have skills to help you. There is something...almost offensive sounding, imo, calling someone "unhealthy" just bc they are struggling with symptoms of mental illness. I'm not sure how to put it into more words though.

Side note: MuseumGhost, I'm glad CBT helped you. I don't have a lot of experience with it, myself, but I think it could help me too.

I would have thought "unhealthy" was a neutral word -- attempting to be factual. It's a lot better to me than the many variations of "crazy" or "bad" or "evil" or "untrustworthy" that I am familiar with.

Our society does not see emotional illness as an illness, similar to other illnesses in that sense, but rather sees it as something frightening, and therefore loads it with emotional words -- even those who suffer from it usually see emotional imbalance in many others the same way. Even right here in River City.

Difficulties that we now recognize as caused by physical things were previously thought of as caused by demons or other non-understandable factors. Our very language still preserves that viewpoint.

Human history is filled with instances of difficulties widely seen as "bad" and attempts to deal with them on that basis -- always unsuccessfully. [I see the whole of "criminal law" in that light.] Only if we see our feelings and facts as separate things will be be able to deal with facts.

People who act in emotionally-imbalanced ways can be seen as actually having a disorder, and we have certain emotions about them. The facts and our feelings are different things, which we very often have not distinguished. When we are able to accept our true feelings then we can see "facts" (even others' behavior) for what they are.

Added: much to my surprise I have found that when I can recognize my own emotions they are much more rewarding to me, and (I think) I can see facts more clearly too. They become less frightening. Fear attached to thoughts and feelings distorts everything.

yeah, I don't have a problem with unhealthy. Someone once said "bad coping mechanisms" I feel like unhealthy is far more neutral. Bad made me think of evil or something. And that's not the case.

That is why I usually use the term "dysfunctional" & not "bad".

Thing is with emotionally dysfunctional (unhealthy) behaviors it is almost contagious to the kids growing up in environments like that. They learn the dysfunctional ways they are living around & ways to deal with it & those ways become symptoms that need to be dealt with later on in life because the skills we learn in dysfunctional surroundings growing up really don't work well for us as adults in most cases.

I tried to change the dysfunctional behaviors I grew up around in my own house but honestly because I never had a good example to base my change on, I created a whole DIFFERENT dysfunction for my daughter to grow up in & that just piles up generation after generation.

Thing is, when we have physical illnesses, we are considered "unhealthy" until those symptoms are recovered from. Is Mental health really any different? (An interesting discussion point). Sometimes when we do struggle with mental health issues, we totally forget how much we actually do affect those around us & what they go through to deal with it in their own lives.

I know when my depression was really bad & all it brought with it my now ex struggled as much as I did dealing with his ASD issues. Do we get into a contest of who affects who the worst or who offends who the worst? Sometimes we get so caught up in our own issues & don't think about that our issues affect others around us too. It is definitely juggling because we need to take care of ourselves FIRST just like with any physical illness.

I agree. I have been physically unhealthy too, and people don't usually judge me for it. It's sad that they often do judge for being emotionally unhealthy.

Quote:

Originally Posted by downandlonely I agree. I have been physically unhealthy too, and people don't usually judge me for it. It's sad that they often do judge for being emotionally unhealthy.

I think many times those who judge the most may be the ones who are the most negatively effected by it. I know I wasn't angry about my mom dealing with the cancer at the end of her life but her dysfunctional, emotionally unhealthy choices she made that created situations that actually harmed me was not easy to deal with or to not judge her choices. Causing situations because of her bad choices that the police had to get involved in along with putting me in a position I felt my life was being threatened is really hard not to be judgmental of. Many times the negative effect isn't that extreme but still hard not to be judgmental when hurt by a dysfunctional behavior.

Also after living for 33 years in a bad marriage, I totally swear clear of anyone who even comes across being like my ex. I can be social at a distance but the barrier is up for any relationship closer than a distance & yes, that is judging his emotional unhealthy behaviors....the T basically said he had the emotional maturity of a 13 year old at the age of 54. Hard not to judge at least internally when one has been harmed by certain behaviors.....behaviors that may not even bother others