[BubonicPlague]

Possible trigger:

Ever since I was 4, and had my traumatic crime ridden accident happen to me, I have not been able to have the most productive or even satisfying life, and over and over again I've suffered loss after loss that I'm unable to get over. From being abused by mother, to being a constant sick kid mentally and physically missing out on extracurricular activities, to losing a family member who ended up in prison, to not being able to have what I wanted in my life, missed opportunities, people taking advantage of me, failed jobs and relationships, even to losing my dignity and innocence as a child. I have had so many things taken away from me, and over the course of time they've piled up. To this day I've become numb from it all, and I can't stop ruminating on the past. I even have nightmares, recurring dreams, and sleep paralysis. I don't know how to cope with it.

[TheGal]

((((((((((( BP ))))))))))))

That's a lot for a person to have gone through.

I'm so sorry and wish I had a magic wand to make it better.

Are you in therapy?

[BubonicPlague]

Originally Posted by TheGal

((((((((((( BP ))))))))))))

That's a lot for a person to have gone through.

I'm so sorry and wish I had a magic wand to make it better.

Are you in therapy?

I am in therapy, I've been to therapy for more than a decade now, and despite all that I've learned it feels like it's all just a bandaid covering up a deep cut gaping wound.

It hurts all the time that deep every day.

[TheGal]

(((((((BP)))))))

You're dealing with trauma. You been traumatized.

Have you heard of EFT Tapping and also EMDR therapy?

Maybe they could help you deal with the PTSD or c-PTSD you're probably experiencing.

There is also Gestalt therapy and also Drama therapy (or theatre therapy)

I am not sure what you have access to, but these alternative therapies are worth checking out. Perhaps one or a combination could help you heal.

I'd also ask your therapist whether they know of Gabor Maté (who wrote The Myth of Normal) and also Bessel van der Kolk (who wrote The Body Keeps Score). They are specialists in the trauma field. You could perhaps borrow their books at the library or perhaps watch their videos on YouTube, if it's not triggering for you.

Here is a video which talks about alternative therapies to treat trauma:

Please have compassion for yourself and where you're at...

Again, I wish I had a magic wand to make it all better.