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Veteran Member
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: Arizona
Posts: 610
10 351 hugs
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#1
So a few days ago, I deposited some money at my bank into my account, and I had to use the bathroom really bad. I used the ATM outside of the building, I came in with my partner. Mind you, I was wearing this oversized colorful alternative shirt, had blue jeans on, some winter boots with a little dirty fur (but it's all that I have), and I had my Alien back pack on. My curly, frizzy hair was in a messy bun, and I had acne scabs all over my forehead (because I'm a horrible skin picker and hate looking at whiteheads), and I'm also tall and fairly skinny. I asked one of the employees if I could use the restrooms really quick and that I had just deposited money. She gave me a look in all seriousness and said we don't allow public restrooms. Also, my partner and I aren't homeless, and neither of us do any kind of drugs. We're both disabled, and we live off of SSDI and low income.
Alternative clothing is cheaper to buy than nice blouses, a nice dress, or a nicer pair of shoes. Acne product treatments are also costly and so is hair care. My body does not retain on weight very well. There's only one thing that the Bank Employee thought I was because of my given appearance. __________________ I just want Vega to be happy, despite all that he's been through, he still needs that happiness, to belong and be with someone. |
*Beth*, Bill3, Buffy01, Calla lily12, Discombobulated, Fuzzybear, MaverickLovesYou, nonightowl, SybilMarie, Truth22, Yaowen
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Buffy01
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Veteran Member
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: Arizona
Posts: 610
10 351 hugs
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#2
So luckily we stopped by a subway down the street and I used the bathroom there, but it was the most unsanitary place, and someone was doing M*th in the men's room. It reeked so bad.
__________________ I just want Vega to be happy, despite all that he's been through, he still needs that happiness, to belong and be with someone. |
Discombobulated, Fuzzybear, nonightowl, SybilMarie, Yaowen
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Member
Member Since Jun 2019
Location: Canada
Posts: 153
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#3
I worked in a bank 40 years ago, so my experience is obviously a little dated.
The washrooms weren't open for the public to use. There is cash back there. Private financial information you may see on someone's desk as you go by and other security reasons. It was all about security. Banks have long been targets of robberies. It was assumed that someone wanting to "case a joint" could ask to use the washroom to get a look and layout of behind the scenes. In other words, there are valid security reasons why the public is not allowed to use the bank's washrooms. Even if you're a customer. You could have walked in there wearing a five thousand dollar outfit and you wouldn't be allowed to use the washroom. Now, banks being banks, if you had millions of dollars at the bank, and just walked out of a two hour meeting with some manager, the above would not apply. Then they'll bend over backwards to kiss your rear. |
Fuzzybear
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*Beth*, Discombobulated, lizardlady, Soupe du jour, WovenGalaxy
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Earth
Posts: 2,854
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#4
Banks don't usually have public restrooms. Mine doesn't.
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nonightowl
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Discombobulated, lizardlady, Molinit, Yaowen
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Veteran Member
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: Arizona
Posts: 610
10 351 hugs
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#5
A few years ago I used my bank's public restrooms. Even my partner has before. Not to mention, I was dressed nicer back then and had a job where I was making okay money to afford nice things to wear. Now that I'm disabled and had to downgrade, me does not think that's so. Maybe they changed things after covid , maybe someone ruined it for certain people because they were using in them. I've used my bank's bathroom back then and not once did they shunt me or turn a blind eye to how I was dressed , because I was different.
__________________ I just want Vega to be happy, despite all that he's been through, he still needs that happiness, to belong and be with someone. |
Discombobulated, nonightowl, SybilMarie, WovenGalaxy, Yaowen
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
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#6
I'm sorry you had that experience. Honestly, though, I've never known a bank to have a public restroom for the reason @RockyRoad007 stated...security.
I wear alternative clothing (I guess, certainly not business attire), I have many tattoos (including my hands) and I don't get the feeling I've been discriminated against because of my appearance (I also had long dreads for many years). But then, I don't think about it much. I mean, I think more about what I'm doing than what other people may be seeing. btw, where do you buy alternative clothing that's not expensive? Hemp, eco cotton, hand dyed...those are definitely costly. I'm so curious to know what you call alternative, because fashion is a hobby for me. __________________ |
Fuzzybear, Yaowen
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: UK
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#7
I’m sorry you had that experience too
I don’t work in a bank but a food store without public toilets, if we get asked by customers if they can use it (if they are desperate) we’re told only children and old people at our discretion and staff have to accompany them, wait outside of the door which is embarrassing but we have high value stock back store. This takes us away from our job on shop floor so as you can imagine we have to discriminate on need - the assumption being children and old people have less control so they’re a priority. Fortunately a public restroom was opened across the road so we no longer have that situation. I can imagine banks have similar guidelines to us but maybe more strict because of security. |
Fuzzybear, nonightowl, Yaowen
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Desert Kitty hates titles
Member Since Jul 2008
Location: TARDIS
Posts: 9,481
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#8
My credit union has restrooms, located in the lobby so no one has to actually walk through the bank and see anything that's confidential. But you have to be a customer it seems, because the teller will have to buzz you in. They are single use bathrooms, all gender as well. There are two of them.
I think there aren't enough public restrooms period. I hear it's a real problem nationwide, and in the UK too (I thought of you, Disco). I mean it's nature and people have to GO. Not everyone is out to do drugs. I never drink anything while driving, as I'm afraid I'll need a bathroom. I see a lot of people doing that though, drinking something as they drive. Fast food places usually have nasty restrooms, and I know some Starbucks have closed locations due to problems with people using them for other reasons. Personally I don't think that solves anything as they just go to another SB or something. Quote:
Sorry this happened to you. I'm also reminded of a case against Starbucks when a couple of black men came in to wait for a friend and to use the restroom. The white manager refused and called the police saying they LOOK threatening. It was all over the news years ago; I think Starbucks made their restrooms public after that. __________________ Call me "owl" for short! Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here. "Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time." Last edited by nonightowl; Jan 15, 2023 at 06:05 PM.. |
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Discombobulated, Fuzzybear, WovenGalaxy, Yaowen
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*Beth*, Discombobulated, SybilMarie, WovenGalaxy
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Desert Kitty hates titles
Member Since Jul 2008
Location: TARDIS
Posts: 9,481
15 6,892 hugs
given |
#9
Quote:
__________________ Call me "owl" for short! Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here. "Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time." |
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Discombobulated, Fuzzybear, Yaowen
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*Beth*
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Magnate
Member Since Sep 2019
Location: Earth
Posts: 2,854
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#10
Quote:
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Fuzzybear, Yaowen
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nonightowl
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Grand Member
Member Since Nov 2015
Location: Michigan
Posts: 846
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#11
If they had a public restroom, you would have just gone in with no problem. Asking them if you could use the restroom implies you were wanting to use an employee restroom, doesn’t it?
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Yaowen
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lizardlady, WovenGalaxy
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Veteran Member
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: Arizona
Posts: 610
10 351 hugs
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#12
They used to let people in to use their restrooms, and I doubt they were for employees only.
__________________ I just want Vega to be happy, despite all that he's been through, he still needs that happiness, to belong and be with someone. |
nonightowl, Yaowen
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Veteran Member
Member Since Nov 2013
Location: Arizona
Posts: 610
10 351 hugs
given |
#13
Quote:
Also, other cool stores that I found were Vapor95 and PalmTreat, which are more Vaporwave/Kawaii stores. They're more in the 30-40$ range though. Another really cool one is Moonbeams and Mayhem, but they're stuff can be fair priced, however the shipping is costly because it's over seas in the UK. Another one I used to shop at was called Disturbia UK, they used to be more affordable nearly half a decade ago, but now their stuff has skyrocketed in prices. I have a very eclectic alternative taste palette. I've also changed from Goth to more colorful over time lol. I doubt a majority of them have that much organic materials though tbh. __________________ I just want Vega to be happy, despite all that he's been through, he still needs that happiness, to belong and be with someone. |
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*Beth*, Fuzzybear, nonightowl, Yaowen
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*Beth*
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 4,730
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4 11.7k hugs
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#14
Quote:
In my case I would say anyone older than me, and I’m in the middle! I’m so glad I don’t have to make that judgement anymore though as I felt for anyone in that situation and you are so right about lack of public restrooms - many cafes around here say their toilets (public not employee like ours) are for customers only I guess there just isn’t the drive to fund public ones. |
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Fuzzybear, nonightowl, Yaowen
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nonightowl
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 4,730
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#15
Quote:
How people of different racial origins cope with that sort of attitude idk. |
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Fuzzybear, nonightowl, WovenGalaxy, Yaowen
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nonightowl
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Desert Kitty hates titles
Member Since Jul 2008
Location: TARDIS
Posts: 9,481
15 6,892 hugs
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#16
Quote:
Quote:
I read in some article once that it's the government that should make more public restrooms available. But that would involve a lot of funding for construction, maintenance, and security. I think it's awful to have to buy something to be allowed to use the restroom. That reminds me of those pay toilets I saw once, at the airport I think, decades ago! And speaking of pubic restrooms, skip the next paragraph if you just ate or are about to eat: This was over 40 years ago and I can't "unsee" it. I was a teenager. We were on vacation and on the way to some state park and stopped at a gas station in a small town. It was in the middle of nowhere. It was not just for gas but for the restrooms. One look in there and I decided to wait till the next station or rest stop. The toilets were backed up, and there were roaches on the floor, both dead and alive. No way was I going to get even an inch closer to that. And I never forgot it. I'm sure the guy at the register had an employee restroom he uses that wasn't visible or accessible to the public. My dad told me the men's room was even worse when I said what it looked like in the women's. I didn't even want to hear about it. Quote:
Those black men that weren't allowed in Starbucks for the restroom said if they were white, they would have been allowed in. I hate to say it but I agree. Or if they were OLD men. Or white women. Or black women. Anything but what they looked like: Threatening, dangerous black men. __________________ Call me "owl" for short! Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here. "Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time." |
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Discombobulated, Fuzzybear, SybilMarie, Yaowen
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Dec 2014
Location: US
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#17
Quote:
Now about race I agree. That just a different ball game. Our granddaughter is a different race than us and people always stare when we are out. They stare so bad that they block traffic. Our neighbour almost hit a poll one time trying to look at her. I don’t know if they being nosey she looks different or they look because they are racists. She doesn’t notice but we sure do. One time I asked one woman “can I help you???” |
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Discombobulated, SybilMarie, Yaowen
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*Beth*, SybilMarie, WovenGalaxy
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Oct 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 4,730
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4 11.7k hugs
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#18
Quote:
People do judge all the time you’re right Owl, maybe for good and bad, but yeah we judge in the store who we think looks like they may shoplift for instance (not race but behaviour and often not clean or neat). A long ago colleague of mine got followed around a store - he’d been having chemo so he was underweight and lost teeth of course he thought it was funny, after all he was going through. Anyhow I’m rambling but OP I hope you’ll rise above any negative judgement about your appearance and stay true to yourself. |
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Fuzzybear, nonightowl, SybilMarie, WovenGalaxy, Yaowen
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nonightowl
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Desert Kitty hates titles
Member Since Jul 2008
Location: TARDIS
Posts: 9,481
15 6,892 hugs
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#19
Quote:
Maybe she had experiences with bad teens, I don't know. And I don't think my appearance was a disadvantage, it's just it probably looked like I was going to drop the item in my bag and walk out. In those days they didn't have security tags on stuff, cameras, etc. I know I'm off topic in a way but this whole thing about appearance and making judgements about them just pushed my buttons. __________________ Call me "owl" for short! Hmmm....looks like some good tips in here. "Okay, enough photos. I'm a very BUSY Business Kitty, so make an appointment next time." |
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Discombobulated, Fuzzybear, SybilMarie, Yaowen
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Discombobulated
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catches the flowers
Member Since Jul 2019
Location: Downtown Vibes, California
Posts: 15,701
(SuperPoster!)
4 23.7k hugs
given |
#20
Quote:
Perhaps there is someone(s) in your life who has told you you're "less than" and you're carrying that person's ignorance as your own. __________________ |
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Fuzzybear
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SybilMarie, WovenGalaxy
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