[DeeeSchmeee68]

(Can't find a Family thread so feel free to move this)

Idk if it's my depression or if anyone would have trouble with this.

I don't speak to my adoptive family. She was an abusive narcissist. Possible multiple personalities, histrionic and BPD.

My birth mom is not any better. Self centered and rude. Counselors have asked me why I want her in my life.

Now to summarize, all of the above has greatly affected me and caused self abuse, depression, derealization, c-ptsd and freeze/fawn.

So I'm sure it's also affected my patenting. However my 30 year old son has a 3 year old son. He acts so immature banging on his brothers (my 29 year old son) bedroom door, blasting music outside it and more recently spraying fabreze in there while he was asleep. He also has anger issues.

The 29 year old is an addict. Ketamine is the drug of choice. He also gets high all day and speaks of conspiracy theories. He is also kind, caring and loving.

My daughter is 21 and she and I have had some tumultuous times. She has anger issues pretty bad but I can see her making changes. She is wonderful to my grandson.

Here's the thing, I don't like them very much. But I also don't like me very much.

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[*Beth*]

I'm so sorry. Not liking yourself and the people in your world sounds like a very sad way to live.

[clara1978]

Dear DeeeSchmeee68,

I'm sorry to hear about the difficult family dynamics you've experienced with both your adoptive and birth families. It's understandable how this could have had a profound impact on your mental health, leading to depression, self-abuse, and C-PTSD. It's also not uncommon for past trauma to affect our parenting style.

It sounds like you're struggling with your children's behavior and substance use, as well as your relationship with them. It's normal to feel conflicted about family relationships, especially when there are challenging behaviors and past trauma involved.

Have you considered seeking support from a therapist or counselor? They could help you work through these difficult emotions and provide guidance on how to improve your relationships with your children. You might also find it helpful to join a support group for families affected by substance use or trauma.

Remember, you're not alone in your struggles, and there is hope for healing and growth. Take care of yourself, and I wish you all the best on your journey.

Sincerely,
Clara