Building a Whole New Life

True. I just wish I had asked 3 weeks ago vs talking to him for 3 weeks and looking forward to a date that never materialized.

I got blocked by a new-ish female friend this weekend over a guy friend of hers who approached and befriended me. She way overreacted and showed me a new side to her I hadn't seen before. She acts like she owns him and is extremely territorial about him, even though they are NOT dating and NOT hooking up. She became offended that he drove me to my car Sat night after a show. She texted me later asking if I knew what had happened to him. I told her he drove me to my car and she flipped out, saying I had done a really crappy thing. NOTHING HAPPENED. He tried, but I didn't do anything sexual wit him. I couldn't believe it. I spent the whole day stewing and upset about it.

I did text her on her cell because she hadn't blocked my cell, only facebook, and we did talk about it. I told her that she is acting totally territorial over him, and as though I am not allowed to create a friendship with him. I don't get it and I am still scratching my head.

The only thing I can figure out is that she MUST have romantic feelings for him and he does not reciprocate.

But still, to block me over that????? WTF? She told me she felt betrayed because the week before I told her I wasn't interested in him, which is still true - well I feel betrayed myself.

I am not getting closer to her - I will keep her at arms length now. She has shown me a side to her I don't like, and something is off about her. Very off.

And with him? I need to distance myself from him, too. I was a bit tipsy from alcohol that night, and he did advance on me sexually, trying to kiss me and come home with me. I resisted. But given that I was in a "state" so to speak, I felt he was trying to take advantage of me, which is disrespectful. He knew I was tipsy. He waited it out with me in the car for an hour while I sobered up enough to drive. I was fine, but I needed a little time. Still, I don't like that he kept trying to kiss me, I did say "no" several times, and ducked his advances. That wasn't cool of him, yet I continued to speak with him yesterday and even got on the phone with him about her blocking me, a couple of times during the day.

I acted as though nothing is wrong. It didn't even really sink in until just this morning that perhaps HE was out of line, too.

This has been a really crap week - between being harassed on facebook by an ex lover, which I wrote about in my "triggered" thread in the emotional forum, but then my date got canceled over politics, then this incident with a female friend and a new male acquaintance.

Don't you think I ought to distance myself from both of them? I even wrote him a text this morning about her, saying she is no friend and that I will distance from her. I wrote that before realizing that I should also distance myself from HIM.

I don't think I want to confront him - I think with him, I will simply just back off from communicating. Although, we've had a LOT of conversation lately and on the phone. On Sat, he called me to speak about my ex lover harassing me, and he was very, in fact, most supportive of me then - we spoke for an hour and a half. But then he was a bit aggressive with me sexually, Sat night despite that, and well, I need space and time away.

I ended up blocking both of them. The saga continued on yesterday. Still being blocked by her by the next morning, I texted her yesterday morning saying that it was hurtful of her to block me, that it was unjustifiable and unfair and that I didn't deserve that kind of treatment from her. She did not apologize, she only just lit into me more about speaking with him about her relationship with him. I told her it simply just came up, that is all.

So, at that point, I told her she is trying to now control what I even speak with him about (he simply had told me that there is nothing romantic between them), and that all of this is negative drama. I wrote that I will not get further involved with either one of them on any level, and that I am "politely" exiting the conversation.

So, what does she do? She keeps it going, and next texts me that I am the one being negative. She was gaslighting me!!!! She blocked me, and I'm the one causing negativity???

So, I reacted and wrote, YOU blocked ME! I am NOT to blame for my reaction to your hurtful behavior! And then I blocked both of them.

WTF?!?!????? DRAMA. I don't freaking need that crap. Both of them are not good friends of mine - merely new acquaintances in my music scene. F*uk them. I am DONE.

This last week has been horrific, given all - and to boot, I got a flat tire while driving with my mom in the city yesterday on my day off from work. We had to wait 2 hours for AAA to come and change the tire.

I am exhausted and it's the beginning of a new work week.

I am somehow going to put ALL this poison behind me, stand tall and be confident in myself. I've done nothing wrong, and nothing to deserve these people's poisonous toxic venom. And that's all they are, these people, including my ex lover who harassed me on facebook last week over my political stance. F*uk them all. They are sheer poison.

And this woman? She is clearly very f*uked up in the head and I think could even be abusive. She was gaslighting me, which is abusive behavior.

I wonder what percentage of people are mentally/emotionally healthy, stable, and have emotional intelligence? I'm thinking a very small percentage. Maybe 1%.

I've had a number of toxic "run-ins" with several different women in my music community over the last year. I've had to block each one of them for lashing out at me unreasonably and unjustifiably. Go figure. Hang out in a bar scene, and this is what you're going to get. It's my own fault for wanting to continue hanging out in my music scene. But live music and dancing to live music are my therapy! I am most passionate about music. And outdoor activities, yes. But music has been my #1 go-to for the last 30 years! It's hard to change an old, long-time habit.

No, I have not branched out yet except for joining a group for a hike led by a wonderful woman I did meet through my music scene. I would love to get to know this particular woman better. She seems very grounded and emotionally healthy. She hikes constantly - nearly every weekend.

But I am discouraged. The more I venture out, the more discouraged I am by American society. The election was divisive, and because I posted feminist things on Facebook, at least 2 people dropped me as a friend, and an ex boyfriend harassed me over my stance and beliefs to the point where I had to block him.

Mind you, this guy is an abuser, so I should have blocked him anyways. I have become closer with his ex fiance, who told me about how he tackled her and broke her arm. Not only that, but he would bang her head on the floor. Two years later, and her PTSD is still very bad, go figure. And she's not the only one. This guy is very bad news, he is not a good person, .and I am glad I blocked him.

I am thinking that volunteering may bring me into contact with more humanitarian people. Why can't I just do this? I feel like I am in a rut and I can't make a move to do things that are better for me, and I don't understand why. It's frustrating. I've written about it on here, yet hold back. Am I afraid to meet other people that may also be toxic? Am I afraid to branch out and try new things?

Why am I so stuck?

You sound like you’re questioning and breaking away from your old patterns, that’s got to be good, but maybe because it’s unfamiliar it feels more comfortable to follow the old patterns? Keep patience with yourself, keep reminding yourself of your logical mind, you need to trust that part of yourself to get you near the right people.

@Discombobulated, yes, it's good and yes, it's uncomfortable. Change is not comfortable, I've read. I will never stop seeing music, I just need to start branching out more so I can meet more like-minded people. I will have patience... I am in no rush.

I crawled into bed at 7:30 PM and woke up at 1:30 AM, exactly 6 hours later.

Due to menopause I now only need or require 6 hours of sleep. I can function just fine on 6 hours, but the problem is that I am in a vicious cycle. Because I am up so early, I pass out earlier, which makes me get up earlier, which makes me pass out earlier. LOL.

So it's 2 AM and I am wide awake drinking coffee. Sounds nuts, huh? It is, especially on the days I have to work. I try to stay up as late as I can, but I fall asleep on the couch early, then crawl into bed as late as possible. It still doesn't matter. During the weekdays, often I am awake and up at 3 AM.

My doctor gave me some sleep meds to help me to stay asleep, and they don't do much. Neither does melatonin. That is supposed to also help, but I need to take the melatonin at 1,2, or 3 AM when I wake up, and I never do. I feel awake and feel like it won't work and will only just make me sleepy but not fall back asleep.

Ok, so menopause is basically a nightmare. It sucks. I cannot believe us women have to endure such a hardship, after dealing with menstruation and cramps all of our lives. It's so unfair. I know, as men age they start to experience erectile dysfunction and have to take Viagra or some similar kind of supplement. Aging all around just sucks - there's no way around it.

I see a chiropractor next Tue about the pain in my leg. It's gotten worse and has spread now to my front thigh. It moved from the groin area to now my thigh. I am praying that the chiropractor has a solution. Years ago I was told that one of my legs is an inch longer than the other leg. Combine that with a few degrees of scoliosis in my back and vertebrae, well, maybe those are the causes of my leg pain. Or maybe it's menopause. I've read this can also happen during menopause for women.

Either way, it needs resolution since it seems to have gotten worse. I now cannot walk without pain. It's so odd too since I was able to hike 4 hours just recently without one single incident of pain. How odd is that?

And I am back to no dating whatsoever. Once again, I am done with the male sex for now. It's been nearly a year since I've had sexual intercourse, and since June since I've kissed a man. I'm aiming for a full year without real dating or a relationship, which would bring me to Feb 2025. I may need another year after that is achieved to fulfill my life goals and to create the life I am proud and happy to have.

I am Ok right now, but I need more to do in my life. My life feels kind of bland, aside from seeing music regularly and traveling out of state from time to time.

I opted to stay in last night - Friday night. My option was to drive an hour north and back for music, and I decided to skip on it. Given all the drama as of late, I didn't feel like placing myself potentially in harm's way again. I can't deal.

I am still reeling from what happened most recently with that woman who blocked me on facebook and then lit into me for hanging out with or even speaking with her male friend. I decided that either she is sheer crazy and believes there's something more between them when there isn't, or he was lying to me by telling me there was nothing going on between them. Either way, it was very toxic, and I am glad I blocked both of them in the end.

It is still stewing in my thoughts though. I hate conflict, and especially woman to woman conflict. Something strange was going on there, and I don't even know what it is. Maybe they've fooled around and blurred the boundaries of friendship, and so she stakes a claim on him because of that alone. But the last time I saw her, she was talking about other guys she is dating and sleeping with, so how can she stake a claim on one, when she is free to sleep around with other guys? I don't get it and I am still scratching my head.

And this is a long post. A stream of consciousness type of post. Guess I am just putting down whatever is on my mind right now.

On that note, I am going to make more coffee and watch a movie until the sun rises, which is 4 hours from now. LOL.

Having read your posts, it’s clear that you have had more than your fair share of terrible people in your life. I can certainly understand why you are feeling like life has beaten you down, and you no longer have faith in finding good people.

I think it’s ok to step back, and say “I’ve had enough of people for a while”, and spend some time focusing on you. It can be tough being alone, but it’s better than being with toxic or abusive people.

All I would add is that please don’t give up. I am a great believer that life is precious, and I say that as someone who has on a very few occasions in the past just wanted it all to end and for the pain to go away. Fortunately, I think deep down, I kept a glimmer of hope and focus on this concept that life is precious, and there there is always a way out of the darkness into the light. I hope you can find that path too, and eventually find some peace and happiness.

Best wishes

Hello @NovaBlaze, thank you for your thoughts and support!

I am certainly recoiling from people, generally speaking. I think most people suck. I prefer nature, animals, and solo adventures on my own. The older and wiser I get, the more I dislike people.

Most people are really screwed up, at least in MY experience. Yes, I've had more than enough of terrible people in my life. Maybe I just happen to have run across the sour apples, but this is my experience, and therefore, my experience shapes my opinions and outlook.

I am doing Ok though, nonetheless. The more I cut out toxic people. the more peaceful my life has become! And I am generally pretty Ok these days. My life has been stable for the last year with no crises or upheavals. My job is going pretty well, I am successful in my career, and I love my home and my closest friends and family. Overall, I cannot complain too much, but these incidents that occur from time to time with toxic people CAN get me down.

So avoidance is my approach these days.