Building a Whole New Life

True. I just wish I had asked 3 weeks ago vs talking to him for 3 weeks and looking forward to a date that never materialized.

I got blocked by a new-ish female friend this weekend over a guy friend of hers who approached and befriended me. She way overreacted and showed me a new side to her I hadn't seen before. She acts like she owns him and is extremely territorial about him, even though they are NOT dating and NOT hooking up. She became offended that he drove me to my car Sat night after a show. She texted me later asking if I knew what had happened to him. I told her he drove me to my car and she flipped out, saying I had done a really crappy thing. NOTHING HAPPENED. He tried, but I didn't do anything sexual wit him. I couldn't believe it. I spent the whole day stewing and upset about it.

I did text her on her cell because she hadn't blocked my cell, only facebook, and we did talk about it. I told her that she is acting totally territorial over him, and as though I am not allowed to create a friendship with him. I don't get it and I am still scratching my head.

The only thing I can figure out is that she MUST have romantic feelings for him and he does not reciprocate.

But still, to block me over that????? WTF? She told me she felt betrayed because the week before I told her I wasn't interested in him, which is still true - well I feel betrayed myself.

I am not getting closer to her - I will keep her at arms length now. She has shown me a side to her I don't like, and something is off about her. Very off.

And with him? I need to distance myself from him, too. I was a bit tipsy from alcohol that night, and he did advance on me sexually, trying to kiss me and come home with me. I resisted. But given that I was in a "state" so to speak, I felt he was trying to take advantage of me, which is disrespectful. He knew I was tipsy. He waited it out with me in the car for an hour while I sobered up enough to drive. I was fine, but I needed a little time. Still, I don't like that he kept trying to kiss me, I did say "no" several times, and ducked his advances. That wasn't cool of him, yet I continued to speak with him yesterday and even got on the phone with him about her blocking me, a couple of times during the day.

I acted as though nothing is wrong. It didn't even really sink in until just this morning that perhaps HE was out of line, too.

This has been a really crap week - between being harassed on facebook by an ex lover, which I wrote about in my "triggered" thread in the emotional forum, but then my date got canceled over politics, then this incident with a female friend and a new male acquaintance.

Don't you think I ought to distance myself from both of them? I even wrote him a text this morning about her, saying she is no friend and that I will distance from her. I wrote that before realizing that I should also distance myself from HIM.

I don't think I want to confront him - I think with him, I will simply just back off from communicating. Although, we've had a LOT of conversation lately and on the phone. On Sat, he called me to speak about my ex lover harassing me, and he was very, in fact, most supportive of me then - we spoke for an hour and a half. But then he was a bit aggressive with me sexually, Sat night despite that, and well, I need space and time away.

I ended up blocking both of them. The saga continued on yesterday. Still being blocked by her by the next morning, I texted her yesterday morning saying that it was hurtful of her to block me, that it was unjustifiable and unfair and that I didn't deserve that kind of treatment from her. She did not apologize, she only just lit into me more about speaking with him about her relationship with him. I told her it simply just came up, that is all.

So, at that point, I told her she is trying to now control what I even speak with him about (he simply had told me that there is nothing romantic between them), and that all of this is negative drama. I wrote that I will not get further involved with either one of them on any level, and that I am "politely" exiting the conversation.

So, what does she do? She keeps it going, and next texts me that I am the one being negative. She was gaslighting me!!!! She blocked me, and I'm the one causing negativity???

So, I reacted and wrote, YOU blocked ME! I am NOT to blame for my reaction to your hurtful behavior! And then I blocked both of them.

WTF?!?!????? DRAMA. I don't freaking need that crap. Both of them are not good friends of mine - merely new acquaintances in my music scene. F*uk them. I am DONE.

This last week has been horrific, given all - and to boot, I got a flat tire while driving with my mom in the city yesterday on my day off from work. We had to wait 2 hours for AAA to come and change the tire.

I am exhausted and it's the beginning of a new work week.

I am somehow going to put ALL this poison behind me, stand tall and be confident in myself. I've done nothing wrong, and nothing to deserve these people's poisonous toxic venom. And that's all they are, these people, including my ex lover who harassed me on facebook last week over my political stance. F*uk them all. They are sheer poison.

And this woman? She is clearly very f*uked up in the head and I think could even be abusive. She was gaslighting me, which is abusive behavior.

I wonder what percentage of people are mentally/emotionally healthy, stable, and have emotional intelligence? I'm thinking a very small percentage. Maybe 1%.

I've had a number of toxic "run-ins" with several different women in my music community over the last year. I've had to block each one of them for lashing out at me unreasonably and unjustifiably. Go figure. Hang out in a bar scene, and this is what you're going to get. It's my own fault for wanting to continue hanging out in my music scene. But live music and dancing to live music are my therapy! I am most passionate about music. And outdoor activities, yes. But music has been my #1 go-to for the last 30 years! It's hard to change an old, long-time habit.

No, I have not branched out yet except for joining a group for a hike led by a wonderful woman I did meet through my music scene. I would love to get to know this particular woman better. She seems very grounded and emotionally healthy. She hikes constantly - nearly every weekend.

But I am discouraged. The more I venture out, the more discouraged I am by American society. The election was divisive, and because I posted feminist things on Facebook, at least 2 people dropped me as a friend, and an ex boyfriend harassed me over my stance and beliefs to the point where I had to block him.

Mind you, this guy is an abuser, so I should have blocked him anyways. I have become closer with his ex fiance, who told me about how he tackled her and broke her arm. Not only that, but he would bang her head on the floor. Two years later, and her PTSD is still very bad, go figure. And she's not the only one. This guy is very bad news, he is not a good person, .and I am glad I blocked him.

I am thinking that volunteering may bring me into contact with more humanitarian people. Why can't I just do this? I feel like I am in a rut and I can't make a move to do things that are better for me, and I don't understand why. It's frustrating. I've written about it on here, yet hold back. Am I afraid to meet other people that may also be toxic? Am I afraid to branch out and try new things?

Why am I so stuck?