Won't you join me in chat? Conflict Resolution Chat

About to begin, in the new "auditorium" chat room, a directed chat on Conflict Resolution.

(edited to make the title stand out more as a reminder about the chat)

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<font color="blue"> Each of the next 2 Monday nights, at 10 pm Eastern Standard Time, there will be a chat in the auditorium (enter through the lobby) on the steps to resolving conflicts.

Before you can made progress on resolving the conflicts in your life, you need to understand that there are different styles of "arguing, fighting, negotiating" etc. Take this self inventory (this particular one is from Elemental Truths) to determine your preference of resolution style(s.)

THEN: Come to chat next Monday night!

<font color="green">Each statement below provides a strategy for dealing with a conflict. Rate each statement on a scale of 1 to 4 indicating how likely you are to use this strategy.

1 - Rarely 2 - Sometimes 3 - Often 4 - Always

Be sure to answer the questions indicating how you actually behave rather than how you think you should behave.

1. I explore issues with others so as to find solutions that meet everyone's needs . (___)

2. I try to negotiate and adopt a give-and-take approach to problem situations. (___)

3. I try to meet the expectations of others. (___)

4. I would argue my case and insist on the merits of my point of view. (___)

5. When there is a disagreement, I gather as much information as I can and keep the lines of communication 0pen. (___)

6. When I find myself in an argument, I usually say very little and try to leave as soon as possible. (___)

7. I try to see conflicts from both sides. What I need? What does the other person need? What are the issues involved.(___)

8. I prefer to compromise when solving problems and just move on. (___)

9. I find conflicts challenging and exhilarating and enjoy the battle of wits that usually follows. (___)

10. Being at odds with other people makes me feel uncomfortable and anxious. (___)

11. I try to accommodate the wishes of my friends and family. (___)

12. I can figure out what needs to be done and I am usually right. (___)

13. To break deadlocks, i would meet people halfway. (___)

14. I may not get what I want but it's a small price to pay for keeping the peace. (___)

15. I avoid hard feelings by keeping my disagreements with others to myself. (___)

<font color="purple">How to score your survey.

Add your scores for each of the following categories of statements.

Add the scores to 1, 5, and 7 together.
Add the scores to 4, 9, and 12 together
Add the scores to 6, 10, and 15 together.
Add the scores to 2, 8, and 13 together.
Add the scores to 3, 11, sand 14 together

The one with the highest score would indicate your most commonly used strategy.

The one with the lowest score would indicate your least preferred strategy

Collaborating 1) 5) 7)

Competing 4) 9) 12)

Avoiding 6) 10) 15)

Compromising 2) 8) 13)

Harmonizing 3) 11) 14)

Take this week to be more aware of how you approach conflicts, big and little, in your life.

I hope to see you next week when we will begin to go through the steps of conflict resolution.

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Thanks for the info Sky

I wish I could have made it tonight, hope it went well!

YW. I think it did go well, from my end of it. I think from the response of others, it went well for them too. You can still get in on the "ground floor" of using this information, beginning next Monday night.

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::: sigh ::::

I would. . .but I'm just too conflicted.

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I thought it went very well too. Sorry it took me a while to see the thread. I have something else that this chat reminded me of, and I thought that they would compliment each other. I use this information at this website (and a simplified version I created) with my clients and also for training staff. It's about Assertiveness.

http://www.ndsu.edu/counseling/succe...tiveness.shtml

I'm also trying to teach it to myself.

Rap

When I had my career, they provided us with management training & conflict resolution was one of the points that we dealt with......this just pointed out many of the things that I had learned so many years ago.

Dealing with the conflict in my marriage on the other hand, it almost impossible using any techniques. The only thing that would work for him would be if I were to give in completely, let him have his way with his tantrums, & let him ruin my life even more than he already has.

Sometimes the only way to resolve a conflict is to cut yourself off completely from the person. He won't even talk about where he is coming from. He says he doesn't know where he is coming from & when you ask....there is a complete silence with a face that looks like when you have to go to the bathroom & can't get it out....straining for something to come out.....lol & then nothing come even then.

Than frustration sets in & suggestions are made as to where he might be coming from to see if one can't get his mind working.....I mean....all kinds of thoughts are provided & then his final comment is that well you say that's what it is & leaves it at that.....absolutely nothing from him own mind. I swear, he doesn't have a mind. He never did drugs, never drank to being drunk......he never did anything that should make his mind a complete blank.....but he refuses to let anything out.....NOTHING.

You can't resolve a conflict if the other side refuses to participate with it & says that I'm the one with the problem & all I have to do is accept him & what he does because I have tolerated it for so long....why not just keep tolerating.

Then I get even more angry & the conflict grows. People like this shouldn't be allowed to live around other people.....it isn't right that people provoke others like this.

If this is the start of Alzheimers, then I hope he suffers all alone for all the crap he has put me through for all these years. I have tried so hard to give him the benifit of the doubt but there comes an end to the amount of anger I will allow someone to cause me & I have reached that point.

Some conflicts just can't be resolved
Debbie

Debbie, prayers and good vibes to you
I enjoyed the chat very much, am finding myself in a real conflict here at home that I feel powerless might not make sense cuz triggered switching abit,

There can be different tactics for resolving conflicts depending upon the situation. Negotiating adds another element depending upon how much "power" you hold and are willing or needing to wheel. Yes, in some situations you have to take control and act. This is best when it's necessary for your own self care.

I hope to approach the basics so that everyone can begin on the same page. If we all find that deeper chats are necessary, or that a thread of discussion would help, we can all do that in the future too!

I hope everyone will take the self inventory, even if not interested in joining the chats. It's important to know this about yourself, so that when you are conflicted, you see how you prefer to deal with it. Discussion with your own T will also help.

Thanks for your input!

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Sorry I missed it.

I loved the Q & A the other night.

If you have a reminder 'till I can focus, and remember, I'd use it.

Is there a reminder someplace?

Thanks Sky

Peace and Love
nightbird

DocJohn has it in the announcement forum. I'll try to bump this thread up earlier than I did this week.

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took the self inventory....results were very interesting.

Top score was 12 for collaborating.....next one came in comteting at 9.......compromising at 7......... & harmonizing at 5.

Interesting.....I guess if I can't collaborate, I will compete....if I don't win at the competition, then I will compromise.....& if that doesn't work, I give up & harmonize.....lol.

In my marriage conflict that has been going on for 32 years, I can't collaborate with someone who won't even communicate & since I have been doing nothing but harmonizing for 32 years, I am stuck at it's my way & I won't give an inch anymore.....no way will compromise ever show up at this point in the relationship....it's past saving since there is no other side.

I have cut off all phone calls because he was pushing me so far, my anger only turned to rage, so there is no point is talking....so turned to email....figured I would confront the issues that way.......absolutely no response at all......NOTHING....NADA.......not a peep. Except for an email on my B-day the day after I got the IRS letter & confronted him....saying he hoped I had a nice B-day.....& that he's truely sorry he hasn't been a good partner or husband. Like I'm going to have a good birthday after I found out he did that to me....I was still in a state of shock & so angry I would have ended his life if he had even been in the same state......guess we didn't look at that as being a conflict resolution style.....lol....(I wouldn't have really done that...I can't even kill a spider very easily.

I have had conflict resolution experience when I was an engineer....many different issues, from a kid right out of college that was rather lazy & everyone was getting on his case....I inspired him & got him motivated to take on much more responsibility & he ended up really excelling.

To a lead engineer who wasn't doing his job....that conflict, I failed miserably at however....ended up the one getting the rotten end of that situation.

To a sexual issue (the only one I ever experienced in 15 years of working with all guys) that worked out very smoothly with everyone ok with the situation.

Most of conflict resolution methods have been a combination of common sense & the techniques talked about here.....I am however looking forward to hearing more information on the Monday night lecture/chats......I was impressed with last monday (sorry I was late)....Understanding the format helped to get more out of it also.....

My compliments sky....looking forward to the next few weeks.
Thanks,
Debbie

In the auditorium at 10 pm Eastern.

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I like this stuff and the link to the site..hekc i am the first type

should do better self reliance.........

thanks for the info sky

Looking forward to it (if not in person, then at least in spirit!)

DocJohn

bump

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For those of you who missed last night's chat (especially those who have done the self inventory) and anyone else really.... if you would like a copy of the chat script, PM me. Please do put it in the subject line :CHAT so it catches my eye more quickly.

See you next week for steps 4-6!

Thank you all for your participation.

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Make that steps 4-7 tonight.

Last chat tonight.... Monday 10 pm in the auditorium.

Believe in Him or not --- GOD LOVES YOU!

Want to share your Christian faith? Click HERE

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