What Exactly Defines A Supportive Post To You?

I thought this would be both healthy for the community to discuss and fun to see peoples opionions.

For me, supportive posts have elements of the following:

-Some level of empathy from the poster. This can be a hug, an "I can relate", an "im sorry that you experienced that"
-A similar story/situation which shows I am not alone in what I am posting about
-Advice that is even toned and offered in a way that is not overbearing or harshly critical. An example would be saying "It might be good if you tried *THIS*" Instead of "Oh, you are a bad person for doing *this* and you HAVE to do *THIS*
-Resources related to what I am posting about

This is certainly by no means all of the things, just some ideas.

Bowzz

empathy is top... like that Bowzz : )

building a connection.... i like that too : )

criticism if offered in an untrained manner can be very harmful ihmo....

resources : ) yes.... to learn .. i like that : )

i am simple in my ways and dont like to complicate my thoughts as i write them and attempt to bridge a gap between myself and another sufferer..... truly caring about it makes that much easier for me...

thank you for the thoughtful and helpful ideas and supportive manner you presented it Bowzz...

I would love to see you as a mod here. You'd be so good at it.. Sorry, just had to chime in.

Opinion ?? You want an Opinion ?????


<<<<< I Could NEVER push something the size of a small watermellon through any orofice of my body !!!!!

I Just can't relate ,,,,, You BRAVE !!!

Geeee I feel so supportive ,,, and much better Now .. LOL .(((((( Hugs Rainzz ))))))).

I think sympathy and intent are the two big keys for me. Regardless of a posts content that the poster be sympathetic to others and have a positive intent is all one can really expect. Sure, I like great information, advice, insight, etc. but just some stranger out in the world doing their best is good enough.

Cyran0

I'll go for most of it, but honestly, people posting links as "help" bugs me to death. I too know how to Google and can find my own, thank you, there's no need for you to show off your basic Internet skills. ;-)

Supportive to me means kind thoughts and an insight I might not have had myself, phrased nicely rather than arrogantly (as in, I'm smarter than you because I read a book/thought of this all by myself/etc). I don't want a philosophical debate to break out, I want some empathy and something to think about.

I like empathy and reassurance that I'm not some freak for feeling how I'm feeling. Supportive advice and suggestions are welcome to, because I'm so often wrapped up in stuff emotionally that I might not see possible solutions. I personally love it when people suggest other resources, such as books or internet links, saves me time, and they're already prescreened as having been helpful to someone.

splitimage

Wow deep question Rain! I disagree with Candybear on the url posts, Perna is awesome, she finds things that I can never wade through to get and I really appreciate the time and effort she takes to give me that information. And Clyde has also been extremely handy in sticky situations with a URL. So PLEASE DON'T STOP GIVING ME THE URLS.

There have been threads in the past that there was no possible way for me to be supportive in, so I did not respond to them. There have also been threads that I felt I was being supportive but were pulled. Some of them have been because I worded something incorrectly, what I meant wasn't properly stated or misunderstood, some still a mystery to me.

Creating an image of one's words,,,hopefully one with Truth supported by optimism and a bit of white shinning light...

Lenny

care

Reassurance

Optimisim

Understanding

Empathy

Encouragement for good.

If you want to knock it - don't post. Just leave it be.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<, Rainzz ,,, Ya know the way I am ....

And I posted the I cannot relate thingy to baby birthing was a ,,, oooooooook .

An example .>>>>>>>. Do I really have to be able to know the same feelings in order to be sympathetic , compassionate ,, or >>>>>>>>>>>>................... errrrrmmmmmm ,,, Let's just say ,,,,,, A good listener ?

Support is a being there .,,>> THING !!!<< Just ,,IMO,,.

((((everyone))))) THANKS for your responses.

I have something else to add as I was thinking about all of this and a common question is: How to remain supportive when we do not agree with the persons behavior or ideas?

It is possible, although difficult, to be supportive to someone while disagreeing with them.

A few old adages work good in situations like this. Remaining calm-toned,non-confrontative, ect is absolutely necessary if you want to come across as supportive and not just as putting someone down. I realize too this can be hard when we are upset or flapped by something that we have read. Also, "I Feel" Statements, or things like, "It is my opinion" or "I think maybe..." can help to make what you are saying a little easier and gentler. This is because when you say that you take responsibility for the opinion you are expressing rather than putting it all on the other person, therefore they have the choice to take your advice, or continue on without it.

It is important to also examine our motives too, when it comes to things that have us crabbed off a bit. Ask yourself, are you posting for the right reasons? Does your response come from a place of anger? A place of concern? A place of general caring? A place of fear?

I think that if you deem that your wish to post is coming from a want to lash out in anger or other negative emotion, it is good to step back and take a break from the post. Say that you will come back in a little while, read again, and see how you feel. Sometimes this lets the initial indignant feeling or anger wear off and we are in a better place. If it still makes you upset, I personally would not post, or would just post something short like " Im sorry but I disagree with this" and leave it at that. But, in most instances it is just better to leave it, although that can leave us thinking "But i had a valid point/I wanted to make a difference/ect."

I always try to remember that even when people are making poor choices or reflecting bad behavior, almost always something has happened to lead them to that situation. I always ask myself what may have happened to that person that led them to become the way they are/behave the way they behave/have that particular feeling about things? I think this humanizes things to a certain extent.

Something else to think about is the difference between compassion and what is called "idiot compassion"(also known as enabling)

Let's say I am a drug addict(Well, I AM a recovering drug addict - Clean for ten months now - go me )that is currently doing drugs, and I post how I have no money because of my drug use.

"Idiot" Compassion would jump in and offer to send cash to help out and say how sorry they were that I was feeling poorly, without ever adressing the issue that caused me to be in the situation to begin with. This would of course most likely be spent on more drugs, thereby causing the problem all over again.

True compassion would ask what i needed money for(say, it was groceries, or so I the addict told you) and would send a grocery certificate, and then ask what they could do to help me get the help I need, or move towards getting off the drugs.

You know, maybe that is a poor example. But, its the best I could come up with in my half sleep deprived brain state at the moment, lol.

Just some ideas to bounce off you.

Good thread, I also think you'd be a great mod, Bowzz!

aww, you guys are sweet. Being a mod would be cool, but either way I have lots of opportunities to help out round these parts and I try to do what I can, because I care

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splitimage said:
I like empathy and reassurance that I'm not some freak for feeling how I'm feeling. Supportive advice and suggestions are welcome to, because I'm so often wrapped up in stuff emotionally that I might not see possible solutions. I personally love it when people suggest other resources, such as books or internet links, saves me time, and they're already prescreened as having been helpful to someone.

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I agree with what splitimage has said. And for me, I feel cared for just by seeing that someone has posted some hugs for me, even if there were no words. The hugs show that someone cares, and for me a virtual hug is as good as a real hug a lot of the time

The main thing for me is it should be "personal." Posts are one-on-one communication, whether others like/dislike a post, it's really a conversation from a responder to the original poster and an opportunity to learn from/about "that" person and your relationship with them. I won't put URLs in Candybear's posts or stop in AAAAA's, for example :-)

I try to communicate what's in my heart and mind to the person who orginally posted. Rainbowzz wants to know my opinion now, you other lot are welcome to it but it's got an angle to it, it's directed to Rainbowzz so it's like an HDTV, depends on the angle you're sitting at as to whether you'll have the best view.

I'm always hoping for validation. If someone's been through something similar and can offer a verbal hug, that's the best.

I thoroughly appreciate anyone who'll offer an encouraging word, even if they can't relate. I also get a lot out of someone offering resources, like a web site or a book for help.

The least helpful is criticism.

For me, I think there are many types of support.

A simple hug & I care.....shows that they are there & have read (or in the case of my long winded posts) or have attempted to read the post & understand & care where I'm struggling.

Words with similar experiences that help me see how others have handled similar situations is also very helpful.

Peoples thoughts on my thinking....both in agreement & those that have other thoughts are very welcome....because I really like to see other points of views. I don't like to get stuck in only my way of thinking & the possibilities are endless.

I appreciate information......when I need to know something & not sure where to find the answers....even with google, sometimes there is hidden information that isn't all that obvious to find. Information from ones own personal experiences is so valuable....I am good at making mistakes....but I would rather learn from someone elses mistakes so I can save myself some level of struggle if at all possible.

I think the most important thing however....especially when we are feeling down on ourselves is ENCOURAGEMENT to get out of those negative feelings & words that will help one see that these negative feelings may be the reality of how we are feeling, but they aren't the reality of what we really are.

Sometimes it's just nice to hear that what we are doing is the right thing in other peoples opinions.....gives you that warm tummy feeling that you have actually chosen the right thing to do or thought for a change.

In summary, I think that supportive posting comes from ones heart & not from anger or frustration.......posting with the goal of helping the person either deal with the situation, feel better about something, providing insight that you have from your own experiences, encouraging them with where they are.

The tough situation is when they are walking a path of destruction & need help but don't want to hear that they are wrong or hear suggestions of what they might do to help themselves. Providing constructive post in that case is tough & when you feel in your heart that is what you need to do....it takes time to put that type of post together & make sure the wording isn't attacking, but presented in a way that is helpful, not hurtful. I find that if the words just don't come together in a situation like that....it's better to just back off & let it go. There may be a time in the future when the right words will come together.....that's just not something to push if it isn't working & it's important to know & sense these things when posting.

I appreciate this post because it allows us to gain insight into the people posting here as to where their thoughts are regarding posting.

Debbie

For me, because I have really bad anxiety and can be rather shy, I just appreciate that someone responds to the post. It can be a show of support or encouragement, an example of their relating to my problem, or even just a smiley.
I believe the majority of people on this site are here because they are either lacking a support system at home, or they need to connect with others who share the same problems and concerns.
It all comes down to kindness, understanding, compassion, and many times connection.
Last, I think some people are better at expressing themselves and responding than others, so I always try to find the good in whatever anyone says....whether it be the poster or the responder.

Very good and helpful post !Thank you Rainbowzz. For me a supportive post is one that offers encouragement and hope. I also appreciate when someone relates his experience with a situation .
Lily

*clap clap clap*

Heres too all of us for adding to this thread.

To me SUPPORT comes in the letting the OP state their mind and feelings from their side of the fence without being corrected or harassed for what they shared...... VENTING is a way of HEALING.