I can't function

38 tax returns on my desk right now. It is 10:30 PM. I came back to work to get some stuff done, but I have not done ANYTHING other than get things organized into piles to remind me just how much crap I have to get done.

I used to be the kind of person that thrived under pressure. I can't stand to be bored. I used to be the person who would only work harder and faster when I had more to do.

Not now. I have essentially SHUT DOWN.

I don't get it. This isn't me. I'm better than this. Why can't I just DO this stuff.

I'm sure they all think I just "can't handle" the pressure of the season. Maybe I'm just not cut out for this job.

But I know I"m better than this. I can do so much more. Why why why why WHY am I letting it go like this??

Today was just weird. Lunch break, driving, it's like I blacked out (see other post about my tires). I was not all there.

One minute I'm fine, the next I'm freaking out, the next I'm starting to think that the only way out of this hole is to just end it all. But then the crazy thing is, I think of how people will laugh at me thinking that I just couldn't handle the pressure and I just cracked. And I get so self-conscious of what others think of me.

I'm not on any meds yet. I probably should be. I've only been to a therapist, not licensed for meds. He was going to call in my info to my OB/GYN and get her to do the prescription side. But that hasn't happened yet. And I know, I know...it takes what - 6 weeks - for anything to even work???

One one hand I know I'm not as bad as I have been before. But on the other hand...I am crashing. One minute I"m okay but the next minute I'm not. It's weird.

Somebody snap me out of this!!!!

You do peoples tax returns? You must be very very smart. Oh and about the meds taking around 6 weeks to kick in, yeah some are like that and when you need then to kick in fully now, you get a bit impatient, but beleive me it is well worth the impatience.

You haven't completely shut down......you're reaching out to us, right? That shows the shutting isn't completely shut....meds help a lot.....I would get after your T or even your primary doc about starting some meds......

hang in there Razzleberry.. take it easy (duh!)

thinking of you..

Everyone is allowed a little implosion around tax season. I have to file all my company's quarterly returns and payroll taxes this month & that has me snarling. Would hate to be working on personal returns.

Definitely try meds. They made a huge difference to me.

--splitimage

Sounds like me.. i never get anything done lol i only just recentlly took down my christmas trees.. unfortunatly the boxes they are being stored in are still in my living room

I can completely understand how you are feeling & I for myself, I can say, that "this too shall pass".

When I got the certified letter from the IRS & found out all the back taxes that were owed that my husband had kept secret from me & then not done anything to handle the situation himself.......I was devistated. On top of that, he wasn't getting all the information together that was necessary to get the refi going on the house in California. For some reason unbeknowns to me, he hadn't been functioning for many years now, but never communicates so I had no idea of what was going on until it dumped on me all at once.

I would wake up mornings, completely frozen. I couldn't function. I would pull the covers over my head & wait until 3 or 4 in the afternoon (or later) to poke my head out & check if I was still alive or if I was just living this horrible dream.

I would get up & take a hot shower........where I would pray for help to know what to do & how to handle the situation. Somehow, each day, I would get a little piece of the puzzle put together & was able to communicate with the IRS who helped me completely (without the need for an tax lawyer). I was able to get all the paperwork necessary from our creditors & also negotiate lower amounts for payoff. I would also spend time on the bible study I am involved in & started poking my nose out into my new community & meeting people & getting involved in my church group, & in the community horse groups.

I know for me, there were days at a time when all I could do was to take that hot shower & use that time to pray for the help I needed & then fall back onto my air mattress on the floor of my new farm house which has absolutely no furniture because I have to repaint the whole interior of the house which the painter so badly messed up.

I can't take meds.....then make things worse than not taking them because of all the horrible reactions I have......so I am on my own with my OMEGA-3 & a low dose of seroquel that helps me sleep when my mind would allow me to........but I know that as I chipped away at all the pieces & started getting everything completed, I found such a relief, I was amazed at what a fresh feeling I was able to experience......I started to function again without the load of stressors hanging over my head. I still have many issues to deal with, but at least now I am functioning again.......I was able to do it without meds.....but I have to admit.....it did take a lot of hot showers & a lot of prayer.....

But the inability to function passed & I was able to become a real human again.

Give yourself the time you need & let accept the lack of functioning without fighting it.....for me, that seems to make things worse than better.......& you will look back at the time & realize it wasn't that long afterall that you weren't functioning....it just seems like forever when we are in the middle of it.

hugz,
Debbie

I just feel so...inadequate. I KNOW I can do this!!! Why can't I just focus and get the crap done and move on???!!!

I'm sure they're all going to think I'm just a worthless employee and I can't handle the pressure. I hate this. I'm better than that. At least I thought I was.

Well, then - prove them wrong.

Maybe you're having problems focusing on your work because of all the "piles" of stuff going on outside of your work world. It can send you into a tizzy if you feel inadequate everywhere.

While you're at work, you'll never be able to solve any issues you may have going on outside of work. It will only cause those issues to become priority number one. Don't even allow yourself to think about them. Try to separate yourself and leave those problems at the door when you arrive at work. They'll be waiting patiently for you at the door when you're done.

Good luck. I remember being swamped with work, overwhelmed, and feeling like I was unable to move.

Dear Razzleberry

I agree with Junerain. Sometimes you are at a point that live really ***** but by fighting for it you learn. And that is exactly what you do.

When I have a lot of work I devide it in smaller pieces and I reward myself when I have one piece done.
I allways say to myself that I only can do my best and one thing at a time.

Hang in there I know you can do it!! Dont be to hard on yourself!!

Lots of love
biwi