[Timgt5]

This was funny:

New Company Policies


Dress Code:

- You are advised to come to work dressed according to your salary.
- If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we will assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise.
- If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you may buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise.
- If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.
Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor; you are able to come to work.

Personal Days:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturdays & Sundays.

Bereavement Leave:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or co-workers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend the funeral arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early.

Bathroom Breaks:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken. After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the 'Chronic Offenders' category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break:
- Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy.
- Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure.
- Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternation and input should be directed elsewhere.

The Management
Pass this on to all who are employed

[RozG]

LOL

always nice to start the day with a laugh, ty for posting.

[AAAAA]

That's cute!

[Razzleberry]

Thanks, I needed that. And it's shockingly true....

[splitimage]

LOL

I just started a new job & it says right in the employee handbook that raises will not happen automatically each year, not even for cost of living.

--splitimage

[Soidhonia]

Ha Ha. Too too funny. Take care. Soidhonia

[eskielover]

looking back, I can see a definite similarity to the last company I worked for.......I really appreciated the good laugh though...no matter how close to reality it struck.......very cute & funny.

Debbie

[jbug]

This brought a smile to my face. I am working in a corporate office although I'm not getting paid yet. Do you mind if I send this to some friends?

Jbug

[Timgt5]

you are more than welcome to pass this on, I am glad you enjoyed it-TJ