[Razzleberry]

Not quite sure where to post this so feel free to move if needed.

I know I was getting kinda crazy the past couple days on here...sorry. I think I'm okay.

Today was a good day. I went to bed last night at 8:30, right after I put my daughter to bed. I slept for 12 hours straight. That's right. 12 hours. Wow. Hubby had to be to work at 9:00...otherwise I might have slept till noon.

I got up, made my daughter some breakfast - she actually wanted half of my bagel. We sat on the couch watching cartoons and eating together. It was a cute little moment.

Then I got her dressed and took her to the park. It's finally warm enough to go outside. She was having so much fun. She's actually getting big enough to climb on some stuff that she couldn't before. She was even chasing a little boy around, it was cute.

Then I had a crazy idea to take her to a movie. She's only 2-1/2 years old - we've never taken her to a movie theater before (she never sits still very long). I took her to see Horton Hears a Who. Cute movie!! And, by the way, ICE AGE 3 COMES OUT NEXT JULY!!! Woo hoo I love Ice Age. Anyway, she actually sat still for a while. The theater was pretty empty anways - earliest showing on a Sunday in a very-Christian town. She kept falling thru the seats, but wouldn't let me put the booster seat up for her. She lasted maybe an hour but then had a tantrum/meltdown...but hey....at least she got to see half the movie. One of these days I'll go see the rest, it was pretty cute!

I took her home, put her down for a nap. Went online and paid all the bills for this month, and miraculously had enough to pay it all, even taxes. I even installed a newer version of AdAware and I think it might be working (computer has been running really slow lately).

I was okay. All day. Not really happy, but not as far down as I was the past few days.

Hubby got home from work, and I left to come in to work for a few hours. Just trying to get caught up a little. 8 days and counting....until it's all over (tax time).

I left a few more voicemails for different docs today. Hopefully someone will call me back tomorrow. One good day isn't enough...I still need to fix this crap before it gets even worse.

[Timgt5]

Take the good days when you can get them and cheerish each positive minute, I hope you have more "good days' soon ((((Raz))) TJ

Aw it sounds like you had a real great night and day I am really pleased for you !

I love it when things turn out right which isnt often lol.

Hugs to you and your daughter from me.

[Irine]

You see?
It`s not THAT bad! There are always ups and downs!
You will get the help you need and you will be fine. It happenes gradualy and requires you to work, maybe you know it, but in the end you see it`s all worth it!

Even the bad times

Keep the better mood up

[Cyran0]

Glad to hear it Razzle!

Cyran0

[Razzleberry]

See but then I have a few good days and start thinking that maybe I really don't need any help and maybe all this crap is just in my head and I'm just trying to get attention or trying to hide from all my mistakes by blaming them on something other than myself. Maybe I am just lazy and procrastinating and it's got nothing to do with poor concentration, I'm just not in the mood to put in the effort to get %#@&#! done. Maybe all those impulsive behaviors are just bad decisions and I knew what I was doing and I knew it was wrong and there's nothing to blame it on but myself and I'm just fishing for something else to blame it on so I don't feel so guilty. I'm not mentally ill I just want to be ill so I can hide from things. Whenever things get tough I just run. I don't deal with my problems I just create more. And when my life finally started to get good, I just go and ***** it all up again. It's my own dang fault. If I really wanted to fix this I would have done it 2 years ago, 4 years ago, heck 16 years ago. But then again, if my suicides are all about getting attention, then why does no one in my life even know about the one when I was 11. I never told anyone. All they know is that I ran away from home, they don't know that the reason I ran was because the pills didn't work and running was plan B for if I didn't die. But even then, nobody cared that I ran away all they did was get mad at me for causing so much problems. No one ever cared to ask me why. But that was 16 years ago why the heck does it matter now. I'm an adult I should be responsible for my own life and my own problems and not keep asking for others to help me get over stuff. Everyone else has real problems to be depressed about. All my problems are self-caused. I'm just annoying everyone by complaining about stupid little things that I should just be grateful for what I have and shut up and move on. I'm not crazy I just want to be crazy.